As I trudge towards the blaring ship ahead, I cannot help but feel heavier than the boat itself. I hear someone in the not-so distant horizon yell: "Boarding for New Holland!"; awakening my feet to pick up the pace. With only one bag to carry my belongings, there is no room to carry the fear of possible errors ahead, as well as uncertainties. My feet scuff the ground, like they did as a kid when my mother would shout at me, pouting at the current change of events. One foot in front of another, they pave a path which I would have never dared to travel before.
But they are gone now, the ones keeping me in Poland. My family; lost to mindless bloodshed, taken from us too early. They drowned my fear, now the only thing that's drowning is my future in this country. I board the boat to a new land; a new home that I may raise new kin, immersed in the culture of my home; the blood of my home running through their veins. What seems impossible to me now will be a far-off folks tale to them; the immaculate land which they will find themselves on will be their carriage, and I, their steed. But for now, enough of mindless boggle.
As I relax my brain for the first time in what feels like days, I glimpse the glory of the journey ahead. Arrays of vibrant blues of every shade dance in the sun, lighting the path to a new life; a souls rejuvenation. All uncertainties are overflowed by excitement of a new world, ready to be moulded into my home, my future family's home, our home.
I find a small nook in the corner of the top deck to settle into; providing a place to rest my weary feet, and my weary conscious. As I slope into my little cranny, more and more people just like me, board the boat to the future and leave all they've ever known. Do they know the risk? I cannot help but wonder. If a 17-year-old such as I could ponder such possibilities, surely these adults would think the same. For their children; for their families. But I guess they feel it more than I. The more mouths to feed, the more desperate a person can become.
Men, women and children all pile like cattle; filling the space as much as possible. I quickly stand up to avoid being trampled, but do not move from my luxurious corner of pondering. My view of the luscious sea is maintained through my corner position; best seat in the house to witness the glory of the ocean. This is probably the last time I will see its glory from this side.
A boisterous roar come from within the ship, signalling our departure. We all finish settling onto the boat as we feel the boat's engines rustling below. I can feel myself vigorously vibrating as the boat slowly moves towards the marina's exit. Even though the boat is quite loud, I can still clearly make out the conversations of my neighbours and the sounds of giggling children. In this moment I wish to feel like a young child again, clinging helplessly to my mother's arm as she strokes my hair and sings me a lullaby. Then again, it's my helplessness which caused me to lose them; I could not pull the trigger.
"Hey there."
Suddenly I am snapped out of my contemplation to lock eyes with a young girl to the side of me. Her golden hair fell over her shoulder, a lot like mine. Her sky-blue eyes seem deep with concern and interest, perhaps judging my every move.
"Hey, are you okay there? You're crying."
Low and behold, streaks of tears have flowed down my cheeks, slandering my skin with their sorrow. I swiftly brush them away as I muster up the words to reply with.
"I'm alright, just a little shaken."
"Aren't we all." She says as she cracks a soft smile. "My name is Amelia, what about you?"
I too crack a small smile as I reply,
"I'm Lena."