She was as free as a bird
She was like a river
She flows with the currents
Until she had an accident
Collided with his gaze
And lost her way, in the intensity of his eyes.
-Humeyra
HUMEYRA'S P.O.V
I woke up with a start from the nightmares that were weighing me down in my sleep. I felt like a bird which was freed from its cage every time I opened my eyes to beads of sweat tricking down my chest as tears flowed freely from my eyes. The gruesome images in my dreams were vividly playing in my mind even as I was now fully awake when the shrill ringing of my alarm clock which was set for 3.a.m brought me out of my reveries. The alarm was a wakeup call for me to wake up and perform salatul tahajud. It was the only thing that brought me closer to my Rabb. I had a restless night thanks to the nightmares that plagued and dominated my mind each time I closed my eyes which made me extremely afraid of sleeping. I shook my head trying to shake off the rancor in my head as I had to take ghusl before I conducted ablution and prayer after which I took the mas'haf and started reciting one of my favorite surah ash-shuarah. Time flew by quickly as I was so absorbed in my recitation. I prayed salatul subh and headed to the kitchen to prepare some light meals. I enjoyed cooking but eating not as much. I guess I would have guests over at least in sha Allah. Soon it was time to go for the Muslim meeting. Ya Rabb, make my affairs easy for me I prayed. I found the big hall and went directly to the prayer room where the meeting was held. I felt weird since it was my first time to be walking around without my Niqab. I was also not used to many faces. I am a practicing muslima but I decided to portray a different version of myself. I was welcomed by Hafsa the lady I met on Monday and I sat in the sisters' section. The room was big enough to accommodate over 300 students with a magnificent podium. It was decorated with Arabic calligraphy and different artistic Quran verse were hang on the walls. Allahu Akbar, the room was simple but breathtaking.
After a while the meeting was started by a brother called zubeir who introduced himself as the association's secretary general. He instructed everyone to introduce themselves before the meeting commenced starting with the officials. I didn't pay much attention to the introduction until I heard a very beautiful male voice. I looked up so fast that I felt dizzy. The man I saw was glowing Subhanallah. His face, wow. Wallahi I have never seen a more beautiful face as I did at that moment. If words could've describe him then I would say, it was like the case of nabii Yusuf aleihi salaam when the women cut their hands with the knives and said, "perfect is Allah. This is not a man; this is none but a noble angel."(v12:31). His full and well kempt beard gave him a scholarly appearance as his golden blue robe shone from the reflection of the bright light hanging from the chandelier in the room. His thick eye brows gave him an Arab look. As he looked up our gazes collide and I couldn't help but envy his thick lashes that fell like a curtain to hide his brown orbs from my own shortly after our gazes collided. He introduced himself as Hamdan ibn Omar. The association chairman. 23 years of age and a student of engineering in his final year of studies at the university. The last part of the introduction made my heart sink in my stomach. I finally managed to look away but not before he caught me staring. I sought refuge with Allah from shaytwaan and attempted to calm my beating heart as I lowered my gaze as I should have after the first glace which proved to be very difficult.
I was so lost in his thought that I didn't realized when it was my turn to introduce myself. A sister was waving her hands over my face. That was when I snapped out of my day dream about Hamdan. I was embarrassed to say the least on realizing that everyone was looking at me. I was told to introduce myself. I stood up and began. Asalamu aleikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu. I am Humeyra binti Ibrahim. I am 18 years old, a first year student of architecture. I come from a small town called Jayda Rabia and I am a Muslim. Apparently my last sentence was funny enough to make everyone laugh. I sat down embarrassed and looked up to see that Hamdan was smiling with his eyes trained on the ground. Why he won't look at me, I thought feeling irked. I realized then that he is among the few brothers who actually know how to lower their gaze. Subhanallah. What was happening to my heart? I promised myself to not let anyone in to my heart for am really tired of losing them. The meeting went on smoothly with the Daawa chairman, a tall handsome well-built brother with a handsome face teaching us on the virtues of the prophet salallahu aleihi WA salaam. Throughout the meeting, I for once in my 18 years of existence forgot to lower my gaze. Hamdan's face was printed in my head. It was the first time my heart felt fear. I felt appalled and fear filled my trembling heart. I was afraid: afraid of the unknown. I feared, feared for my soul. Do I wait and see what this feeling is all about? Is it worth the wait? What if it's all in vain? The fear of the unknown, ate up the peace in my soul. Should I give up? Should I wait and see what tomorrow brings? Should I give up and risk my dreams? Little did I know that he would be part of my future and that he would topple my sane world and turn it to a topsy turvy state. He was only human but he took away my heart the moment our gaze collided. It was the beginning of my torture. A torture I knew nothing about. A torture that became hot and sweet, cold and bitter. It would come to prove that you can only be taught pain by the person you love. Ya Allah, protect me from my desires, I prayed.
FOOTNOTES.
Tell the believing men that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts; it is more decent for them. Surely, Allah is all aware of what they do. (V.24:30)
And tell the believing women that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts, and must not expose their adornment, except that which appears thereof, and must wrap their bosoms with their shawls and must not expose their adornment except to their husbands, or to their sons, or the sons of their husbands, or to their brothers ,or the sons of their brothers or the sons of their sisters, or to their women or to those owned by their right hands, or Male attendants having no sexual urge or to the children who are not yet conscious of the shames of women. And let them not stamp their feet in a way that the adornment they conceal is known. And repent to Allah all of you, so that you may achieve success. (V.24:31)