.
Arrogance befit no man for whatever we have today, won't be buried with us tomorrow.
~Humeyra.
HAMDAN'S P.O.V
The last messages I got from Humeyra really messed me up. I didn't know that I meant so much to her that my death would affect her as much as she said. The poem she wrote to me still lingers in my mind as I recall my heart beating to every word that her poetry entailed. The poem goes as follows:
His
"Lost in the darkness, Shattered pieces of my broken heart, Loneliness in my soul, never thought it would heal. Then he came along. Never in million years, would I have though he would be mine? He picked up the pieces of my broken heart. He became a companion to my lonely soul. He took me by surprise. The darkest times of them all, He brought me the stars to light my path. When all I did was cry, He patiently held me in his arms. When he was not around, he would just call and listen to me runt. He doesn't know how low I was when he picked me up. He had no clue the broken pieces he fixed .He has no idea how much of me is his .My heart belongs to him, so does my smile Even my heartbeat is now his. I pray to be his today, tomorrow and always His forever and not even death would do us part .forever his."
For the period of time that I have known Humeyra I have come to realize that she never lies about her feelings. Recalling the first time she introduced herself, a smile formed on my lips. On that very day I realized that she was very bold and beautiful. As I interacted with her I also came to a conclusion that she is a natural leader and didn't take well to commands. She has natural charm to her and her voice. Maa sha Allah, she had a melodious voice that I always liked to listen to. I saw her as a friend. I didn't like seeing her hurt. Her tears broke my heart the day I crept behind her. I was about to reject her plea but seeing her tears broke my resolve. I was brought up in a very strict Islamic environment and I knew that to follow the rule of ikhtilat, it would be better if I be her friend and support as a brother. I always thought of marriage but then she is not my ideal choice for a spouse. It doesn't mean I didn't care for her. It was peculiar how much pleasure it gave me to see her smile or hear her laugh. I had a feeling that she has a lot of secrets and she looks quite weak physically. Astaghfirullah, why am I thinking of her? I know the message I sent her would really break her heart if I am right about my assumption of her feelings for me. I know am handsome and too good for her. She doesn't deserve me, since am better than her in religion and standard, I thought arrogantly. In that moment, I never imagined that I would regret them one day.
I sent her that message to finally get rid of her since I have been breaking a lot of rules for her something I never did till her. I decided that I should probably repent for my sins and decided to pray salatul Tawbah, an optional prayer for repentance. I felt much better after the prayer and prepared myself for bed.
Finally, I was graduating. It felt like an eternity since I saw Humeyra. Though I would never admit it to her I missed her a lot. I just shrugged it off and went for a walk before the ceremony and found myself at Humeyra's spot. Luckily I didn't find her there but I found her friend and roommate Aisha. I went closer to her and gave her the salaam which she replied in a low voice. Maa sha Allah, I always admired her hayaa (shyness and a sense of modesty). She was very shy the total opposite of Humeyra. I was about to walk away since I couldn't help but compare the two ladies when she called me by my name. I stopped mid step and turned back to give her my attention without directly looking at her. She shyly started talking as I listened. What she told me made me have different mixed feelings that was very new for me. I was worried, confused and eager at the same time. I know you are wondering what would give me so many mixed up signals. Let me tell you what the little shy lady asked of me. She started that Humeyra would like to see me but not in the school compound. Humeyra also requested that we meet after my graduation ceremony. This little information got me so mixed up that I was left in limbo. I wanted to see Humeyra, I realized but I was afraid to see the hurt in her eyes after the message I sent her. I was worried and confused since she suggested we meet at a very expensive hotel in the city. Well I would grant her one wish as a friend then, I thought. I went back to my room to prepare for the ceremony as I made a short prayer that all goes well with my day and the meeting with Humeyra. Ya Humeyra what should I do about you?
THE CONCEPT OF HAYAA
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: The Prophet passed by a man who was admonishing his brother regarding Hayaa and was saying, "You are very shy, and I am afraid that might harm you." On that, Allah's Apostle said, "Leave him, for Hayaa is (a part) of Faith."(Sahih Bukhari Book #73, Hadith #139)
Hayaa brings only good. It can either make or break one's eeman. It will guide one towards peace of mind. Here is praying that the Muslim ummah all over the world finds it easy to be modest! Ameen!
Almighty Allah knows best