Chapter 2 - On Human Nature

There was a time I used to think human beings are born evil, then there was a time I thought we are born good but what society throws at us makes us who and what we are. I have changed my mind on the matter and maybe I will do so again because in our day-to-day life we come across every type of human that there is. We cross paths, we stick around for a while, we become friends, lovers, and then eventually strangers again. That is the circle, the flow that creates what we call life. We create our ideas and ideals based on what those around us have given or taken from us, what we gave away from ourselves to every passerby. Maybe they filled us with love, made us feel important, maybe they broke us to pieces, maybe they suddenly left and we were, obligated to rebuild ourselves again from the beginning. Starting anew is no easy task, but at times it is the only path that lies in front of us, the only one we can take. In the end we make up our minds that humans are evil, they will hurt us, reason? Because they can hurt us and, they will. This is what I used to think. Yes used to because I do not anymore. This because I came to the realization, that no one can hurt us, no one except ourselves. I know it does not make any sense to you now because why would we hurt ourselves like this. No one likes pain and suffering, so this touches the limits of the absurd. It does not. Yes, you were hurt by someone, like I have, like every other soul out there has. Does this make the other person evil to its core? I say it doesn't this because it is us who are responsible for everything that happens in our lives. It is us who decide to open the door and let someone in and settle down into our soul. Maybe you will say that the other person deceived us with lies and empty promises. Yes, maybe they did, but it was you who choose to believe them. It was you that choose to stay every time, hit after hit. Now that you are hurt, you dwell on bitter thoughts and regrets, I have done it, it is only in our nature, to look elsewhere to put the responsibility. Therefore we start thinking of the evil mind and spirit of the person who caused us so much pain, and so many dark thoughts will cloud our minds and darkness will fill our hearts in the attempt to cure ourselves we will shift the fault away. But this is no healing; it is just patching you up until the next one. And now I ask, how could I allow myself to make up a definition on human nature based on this? How can I call humans bad because one, two, or three people broke me? How could you do it? How could you define something as great as this by so little experience, not even a lifetime? Yes, we have been hurt, and we will again, but what about whom we hurt? Does that count? Does that make us the evil ones? Do you feel evil in your heart? If you did not feel evil, why didn't you? You hurt someone at some point, to some extent, what exactly do you think justifies your actions? I tell you what, the simple fact that you know your reasons. The simple fact that everything we do, we go through a long process of thinking and rethinking every outcome, every possibility, and to us that seems like the only possible solution. In order to prevail, we need to "step" on another person. But we have our reasons and that makes us the good guys. Why do we never think of other people's reasons to take one action or another? Why can't we look beyond our own pain and suffering? To this, I, my friend would answer, because we are neither good nor bad, we are just small and empty. How do we fill this emptiness and try to become great? We take it upon ourselves to judge others, but how can we do that, how can we allow ourselves to form a judgment for someone else when we haven't walked a thousand miles in their shoes when we haven't felt what they have? Just because they did a bad thing to us, that stole a few tears and sleepless nights? What about what you have done before getting to this point in time and space? Do you ever think about those things, about the tears you stole from someone else? Do you ever think that maybe we deserve what we got without calling someone else evil, without putting the blame elsewhere? No, we do not, and that is precisely what makes us small, not good, not evil just small. Then, how can we grow? How can we see beyond what we are feeling right at this moment? I would say by looking for all the good that is around us. Like a small child holding an umbrella for a little stray kitten in the rain. There is such innocence in that, no intention beyond that moment because the child knows that after a few minutes the kitten will be left there in the cold rain all alone, but at that moment the child is helping. At that moment all that matters is that the kitten is no longer alone or under the rain because the child is there. Yes, it will only last for a couple of minutes, and then cold rain again, but at that moment the past and future do not exist. At that moment there is only good in the world because when you see that kindness, you will fail to see the pickpocket stealing the woman's wallet right next to you. You will be filled with such warmth that everything else will fade away. You will not see the man walking with his head so low that his chin is touching his chest and barely holding back his tears, you will not care about all that because it does not touch you. But the small kid does, which I think happens for the simplest of reasons because that child shows us that we can be great. It shows that we can do something without expecting anything in return. Now I would like you to think, why did you expect to be loved back? Because maybe, you gave your heart away, did anyone ask for it? No, they did not. You felt like doing it, you felt like loving that or the other person and expect to be loved back. Why? Because you gave your love to someone unconditionally, that is why you think you deserve to have it back? If it was unconditionally then what exactly were you expecting? I tell you what, nothing we do is unconditional, we expect to be treated kindly just because we are kind to the other, well my friend it doesn't quite work like that. Maybe it is unfortunate, I don't know. What I do know is that at the bottom we are all selfish. We love "unconditionally" because by loving and giving to someone other than ourselves we fill a void that came with us into existence. There is something that makes us believe that by doing good it will come back to us, and that is the condition. When that doesn't happen, we turn to the bitter little man that will spit venom when we speak. We were disappointed, I admit that but disappointed at what? It only remains our self, not the other person, not the world, just us. Now I have to ask, what keeps us from rising above? What keeps us from achieving greatness, selfishness, and have our souls purified? What I think is that it is the fact that we are just empty shells that will spend their days looking everywhere for something to fill that vast emptiness. For some it is another person, for some, it is a bright career, for some it is money. It doesn't matter what it is and what we will do to achieve it, all that matters is that that emptiness will always follow us, step by step it will be our only true companion till the last day. How can we leave it behind? That is a question I still have to answer. For the moment, I am just allowing it to stay with me, to hold my hand when I am afraid of the darkness that lays in front of me it is my demon that shows me the way. Maybe it will not bring me to enlightenment, I do not expect that but it will be there when no one else is to listen to me, to answer my question the best it can and probably save my soul, or at least what it is left of it. It will help me grow and see beyond possession because human nature is obsessed with possession, we do everything we can in order to obtain the person we love, the money we want, the position we want. But in the end, is it all there is? Is that all we are, just lost ghosts running after what we want, what we think will make us feel happy and fulfilled? I think that it is all we are, just an empty vessel cruising through the universe with set goals and plans for a greater future, what future we expect when we are doomed, when our nature is corrupted to the core by lust and pathological need to be accepted, to be liked and loved because we think this is the way we can be saved, this is the way we think we can be better, only through another person, by achieving our goals and being successful, because we have nothing else to offer. In conclusion, human nature is corrupted, we cannot thrive alone, we cannot thrive without the comfort of money, a loved one a successful life, because we are an emptiness that needs to be filled with something, anything that will make us feel whole and completed, but will we, ever?