I want to fall.
Without fear. I want to see the lights of buildings, the cloudy sky getting further and further away. I want to feel the wind, the cold arms that wrap around me. I want to reach out for the stars through the misty gases, grasping the bits of earth. My clothes ruffled, evidence of the lack of embrace from the arms that were never mine. I want to see as my hair floats around me, my eyes closing with the pressure against my back, slowly slithering around to my front. I want to fall with grace and peace. The soft tune of buzzing in my ear, the ringing that never goes away. I want the light at the end of the tunnel, the flashing before my eyes, the fall before the splat.
Instead I awake on my bed with a jolt,
my body feeling the electricity of life
as it's about to die.