I got off the taxi and walked up the street not quite sure if I was going the right way. I would have taken an Uber or something but it was going to be too much money I can't afford. I finally reached a corner then turned right just a few more houses and I was finally there. I looked at the yard in front of me then back at my phone to make sure I got the right address. I took a deep breath in. I had never done this before. I text her "please come outside" I was worried for a while thinking she might not want to or she might not even be at home because I came so unannounced. Shortly after a while I hear shuffling then feet dragging towards the gate. It's a black metal gate therefore you can't see someone from inside or outside the gate. The closer the person gets the faster my heart beats. I start heavy breathing and hyperventilating.. It's hard I'm going to faint. She opens the door and freezes, I look up at her and our eyes lock. No words said.. It's been 3 months since we last talked but we see each other every week day and it still hurts to see her with someone else

Me: won't you let me in?

Her: what are you doing here

She says looking shocked. I get dumbstruck I don't get why because I practiced everything I was going to say to her. I feel a huge lump in my throat and my eyes get glossy. I feel her thumb wiping my tears. I look up to try stop the tears from falling but it's like the more I breathe is the more tears I invite in. She pulls me into a warm hug and I inhale her mesmerizing scent, she has my favorite perfume on. Eventually I calm down

Me:I'm sorry

She keeps quiet, I can't exactly read her mind

Her:how did you find my house

I didn't really think I'd have to do this outside but then I guess I have to

Me: I have my ways

She signs heavily, annoyed but I don't care about that I'm not leaving without what I came here to do

Her: what do you want Zola

Me: I couldn't exactly leave without saying goodbye

Her: leave?

Me: yes, I'm moving to eastern cape permanently

Her: oh

Me: yeah… Uhm…

Her: well safe travels then

Me:oh uhm.. I got you this by the way

I say taking out her favorite chocolate. I continue "I could've ordered you McDonald's but my card says I'm under 18 so I can't make online purchases"

Her:mmm thanks

She says taking the chocolate from my hand. I felt my heart fall from chest.

Me: okay then I guess I'll leave

I turn and look at the road before me and exhale deeply then I attempt to leave.

"Zola" I turn back in seconds

"yes.. "

"come in"

I smile faintly, she opens the way for me and I walk in. She directs me to the living room

Her: something to eat, drink?

Me:water please or juice

She nods and dissappeares in the house, I take out my phone and scroll through it just to calm my nerves down she comes back with 2 glasses of juice and a chocolate muffin placed in a saucer

Me: oh wow thanks I say smiling

Her: cool soo…

I take a sip of my juice and prepare myself. I clear my throat and here goes nothing..

Me: Eva I'm sorry

Her: for?

Woah!

Me: everything I did wrong to you. For every fault I made and every reason I made you angry. I'm sorry I wanted you to be my idea of perfect. I'm sorry that I didn't put your feelings into consideration at times. Oh and for being stubborn..

I say chuckling

Her: it's okay

Me: no it's not

I lift her chin up for her eyes to meet mine but she  moves my hand from her face and looks back at me. I know she doesn't like to be touched by it tears my heart a little. I take my little hands and fiddle with then then We look at each other deep within each other's eyes like we're searching for something…

Me: it's been almost a year since we broke up but I'm still madly and insanely in love with you and I know you don't feel the same way but maybe you do but you're too afraid to admit cause you believe I damaged you.

I could feel my eyes getting glossy again…

Me: all I ever wanted for us to hold hands in public, spend some if not most of our lunch breaks together. I wanted to be the one that turns your bad day into a good one the reason you give your best smile and laugh but most importantly I wanted to be the reason you looked forward to the next day.

By the time I finished I was diving in my own pool of tears "I.. I am really-"

She cut me off with a kiss

Me: I.. I can't..

Her:shhh

She said as the put her index finger on my lips to shuush me "follow my lead" I nodded shyly.

Her hands cup my face as her thumbs caress the sides of my cheeks then she grabs me by the neck with her left hand. The kiss gets deeper and I start to let out soft moans. I lay back on the couch as she gets on top me.. She slowly slips her hand under my pants and all the way under my underwear and she teases me. She leaves my lips and goes to my ears and all the way down leaving hickeys on my neck. She tries to take off my sweat jersey but I stop her

Me:what if someone walks in

She keeps quiet and she gets off me