The subway walls flashed by in the same way as always, blending together to form that dark world outside which not even the sun touched. Normally, I sit like this, looking out the train window opposite of me for the twelve minutes and five stations which make up my journey back and forth from school. During this time it's always just me with my earbuds, listening to whatever playlist I've made recently, often being a variety of bigger new songs, older bands from around the eighties, and sometimes rock. Occasionally another passenger comes and sits across me and that's usually when I'll pull out my phone and stare at it instead. Yet sometimes, I'll look beyond the person sitting in front of me and continue to stare at the walls outside, meshing together and forming a long stripe of a seemingly complete void, my eyes transfixed and drawn to that darkness.
"What are you looking at?", A voice beside me asked, my now former friend to be exact.
"Oh, nothing. Just… nothing", I answered somewhat dazed, my view still focused on the passing outside.
"I see…" The two of us were sitting cramped together on one of the blue plastic benches so unanimous for this kind of transport. In total, four people were sitting on this one seating, three people too many if you ask me.
"I can't believe this is the first time I'll be at your place. I mean, how long have we known each other, two years now? I'm excited", Unfortunately, I didn't share his enthusiasm, in fact, I was feeling nervous because this made the first time I had ever taken someone back with me to the apartment.
"It's not really… something to be excited about" As my words just barely came out - never had I understood the expression: "butterflies in the stomach", as much as now.
Even though still gazing out the train window, I could see Sadim in the corner of my eye, with some kind of comforting smile. "You don't have to worry dude. Look, you've told me that you live by yourself so I get that it might be a little embarrassing to invite someone to that place on a whim like this. I'm a guy too and you better believe me when I tell you that my room ain't the prettiest place on earth, but don't you worry, whatever the shape of your place, I promise it'll stay between us. Dawn ain't gonna hear nothing"
"Why'd you bring her up?" That question flew out as if a reflex.
"Well, you wouldn't want her opinion of you to be lowered, right?" Sadim sounded a little confused as if wondering why I had even asked.
"Why would I care about that?" I asked, even though I had pretty much figured out what he was trying to say.
"Oh, what? But I thought you two were like on the edge of dating"
"What!? No! Where did you get that from?" While I gave his speculations a gaudy response, I suddenly found that I was no longer looking out the window and instead now faced him.
He seemed taken back by my sudden rejection. "That's just the impression I got. I mean, you both bicker back and forth in that teasing way like a couple, plus you apparently spent time together alone at night. You do see where I'm coming from, don't you?"
"I guess…"
Sadim corrected his seating a bit and then continued. "Okay, so you two aren't a couple. But you do like her, right?"
"No", Again, that annoying reflex.
My friend… former friend, was clearly perplexed by my lightning-quick response.
"No, that's not what I mean. I like her, I do, but… just not in that way"
Sadim slowly nodded, "I see… guess I was wrong then" he slowly turned his head and faced forward, seemingly taking a cue from me and looking out the window opposite. "At least I won't be some kind of third wheel then tonight, that's a relief…"
I didn't comment and instead, we both sat staring blankly out the window for about a minute before the short arrival at my station got announced. "Well, at least you don't gotta worry about the state of your little apartment then, do you?" My copycat said with a snarky smile.
***
"You're kidding me… This isn't the actual place, right?" Sadim, having the massive automatic door dawning in front of him, was in complete disbelief.
"No, this is it", I responded in a flat voice.
"Grey…" He turned his view from the grand entrance for a moment and gave me a confused look, "Are you actually royalty or something?"
"Not that I know of" And without saying anything more I made my way past the two giant glass doors. Sadim seemed unsure about entering the complex, but he followed my lead.
"Ah, welcome back-", Ingrid, sitting at the reception desk while reading a book, made an abrupt stop when speaking as she noticed the anomaly in front of her.
"Hi Ingrid, ehm, this is Sadim", I pointed back at my friend.
"H-hello" He stammered?
My caretaker glared at the new face, seemingly evaluating. It didn't take a sixth sense for me to notice the nervousness expelling from the one being judged, and so I was just about to intervene, but then Ingrid spoke. "Hello Sadim, it's nice to meet you, I'm Ingrid - this boy's temporary guardian"
"N-nice to meet you too, I'm from the same class as Grey"
"I see" She smiled. "Well, don't let me hold you up"
"Yeah, okay. Shall we head up then?" I looked at my guest, but he appeared not to have heard. "Sadim?"
"O-oh, yeah, let's", then he followed me to the elevator, with almost military steps.
As the doors closed and we started going up, I smiled and let out a small chuckle.
"What's so funny?" My friend, still red from the encounter was quick to comment.
"Oh, just happy I'm not the only one with awkward first encounters"
The dissatisfaction my comment gave him was plain to see. "You know, it wasn't really that awkward…" He looked at me and immediately saw my doubtful look. "Okay, maybe a little. But I couldn't help it, I was overwhelmed by this whole secret millionaire scenario"
Then, as if on cue, the elevator gave its high-pitch signal that we had arrived.
I walked out of the metal box, without giving Sadim's statement any real acknowledgment. He followed and we soon stood in front of my door.
I pulled out my keys but before I put them in I felt a warning was necessary. "Now, I'm sorry if it's a little dirty, the cleaner comes on Mondays so it's probably not-"
"Grey" My friend, wait no I mean former friend, interrupted me.
"What?"
"Why would I care if it's dirty? Didn't I tell you on the subway? I fully understand" He seemed to think of himself as some kind of enlightened guru, which irritated me, but I appreciated the sentiment.
"Okay then", and so I entered the key into the lock and turned it.