"The vegetables are good to balance out the salt, but it won't be nearly enough…", This was the conclusion I reached as I stood glancing down into the abyss that was our chicken noodle soup.
"There has to be something else we can do…", Besides me, Dawn, the one responsible for our current salt dilemma, also stood glancing down into the pot. The palm of her hand embraced her chin while her index finger was lightly touching her cheek. The steam from our soup was condensing on her face, forming water drops that could be mistaken for sweat, creating the picture of a person extremely deep in thought.
I was surprised, she had said that cooking hadn't mattered to her, yet here she was appearing to be trying much harder than me to find a solution.
"Look, maybe we should just call this one? We tried, but in the end, it's not like we can really do anything." I waited for a reaction from her, but none came.
"If you feel bad about messing up then I've already told you there's no need for that. You don't have to right your wrongs, instead just learn from this and try to do better next time" Still no change. "I'm going to raise my hand again. I appreciate your belief in me, but-"
"Why are you giving up?"There still appeared to have been no change in Dawn's posture while she continued glancing down at the reminder of her failure, yet those words had very much been hers.
It appeared that it was my time to become reactionless this time around as I just stared at her until finally, some semblance of a response emerged. "I'm not giving up. I'm just… just accepting the truth, there's nothing we can do"
She finally turned to face me, giving a cold expression with wide, haunting, eyes. "I'm gonna Google it" After saying that, she pulled out this magical device called a "phone" from her pocket. I stared.
"How do I… ehm, remove salt from food?" She spoke aloud what she wrote, holding her phone in both hands and typing with two thumbs. Meanwhile, my two thumbs were busy fidgeting around, as I was unsure of what to do exactly. I glanced around at all the other groups to see if anyone was watching, but I couldn't really think of a good reason as to why that would matter.
"I see…", Dawn, whose eyes were still attached to her screen, mumbled.
"Did you find something?"
"I think so." She turned the screen to me. "It says here that vinegar, lemon or whatever kind of acid can be a good solution to mask the taste of salt"
"Okay…"
Dawn gave me a weird look. "Okay, and?"
"What do you mean 'and'?"
"Do you think it sounds reasonable?"
"Oh, well, eh… I dunno really. Maybe? Or no, it does sound reasonable but I wouldn't take my word on it entirely."
"Okay, so it's going to work." This girl… "Now we just need to find it, have any ideas?"
I didn't respond immediately and by doing so put a short pause in this way to quickly evolving conversation. After having gathered my thoughts I continued: "Are we sure we still can't just raise our hands?" One quick look at Dawn told me the answer to that question. "Guess not…" I whispered to myself.
***
"Oh, that's a unique choice, Grey."
I froze up. Before me stood Mr. Pearson, looking at the citrus I had just picked up from the ingredients table.
No matter what you do, don't panic Grey; I thought to myself. "Yeah, we wanted to try out adding some sourness into the mix."
My teacher nodded. "I see, that could probably be good, as long as you don't overdo it." I'm a master of deceit!
I responded with a habitual acknowledgment of what he had said and a quick thank you for his warning. The words didn't even register in my mind, it was just pure habit.
And after having made my way through this social encounter in such a smooth manner, I started my turn away from the threat at hand in order to head back to my partner.
"By the way, Grey" But the threat still wanted to make itself known…
I slowly turned back - a painful motion. "What?"
"How's it going? Working with the transfer student I mean. She didn't exactly seem thrilled…"
Whew… still in the safe. "It's actually going pretty well. She was a little against it at first, cooking I mean, but now she… doesn't seem to hate it at least."
The threat, or rather Mr. Pearson, smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. Who knows, maybe your enthusiasm has rubbed itself off somewhat."
My enthusiasm? What enthusiasm? "Maybe…" But I decided not to dwell on it.
"Oh, but look at me keeping you here. No need to entertain this old man any longer, just do your best with the soup."
After hearing that I took my chance and responded with another habitual thanks before quickly heading back.
As Dawn noticed me coming back with the citrus in hand, she gave an acknowledging nod."You made it." I felt like some kind of soldier returning from war.
"Mr. Pearson surprised me but I think I managed to hide our intentions"
"See? I knew you could do it, there was no need for any hands to be raised."
I put down the citrus on the cutting board and sliced it in half. "I suppose you're right…" Then I handed one of the halves to Dawn
"See this?" She said pointing at the sliced fruit in her hand. "When life gives you lemons, you've got to adapt. Everything seemed like it was over but we still managed, and so-" She squeezed the lemon, and its juices flooded down into the soup. "Let's enjoy the fruits of our labor." There was no turning back now.
***
"Ugh… do we really have to eat everything?" I said after having just barely managed to swallow another spoon of this hellish soup.
"Of course! We can leave no…" Mid-sentence she suddenly covered her mouth and an eerily whiteness crept up along her face. Her eyes locked onto the trashcan nearby and I immediately feared for the worst. But with a painful "gulp", she seemed to have avoided the crisis. "As I said, we can leave no evidence behind…"
Once more the thought of raising my hand and ending this slow torture appeared in my mind, but I just chuckled. "Where do you get this endless determination from?"
She seemed amused by the question as if a naive child had just asked her something. "Where do you get your endless cowardice from?"
I had just raised the spoon up to my mouth again, ready to take another sip for the team, but I now slowly lowered it back into my bowl. "I guess you want to eat this alone then," I said, not showing the slightest tolerance towards her words.
"No!" We were sitting by the same long rectangular table where this lesson had begun; where Dawn had debated with our teacher about the very necessity of his subject. Now every other group was also sitting by this table as well and unlike us, somewhat enjoying their own chicken soup. But now, all these groups which had been conversing with each other just like us two turned quiet for a couple of seconds as they all became startled by my partner's sudden cry.
She, of course, didn't seem to care and the other groups quickly returned to their conversations. "Please don't abandon me. I'm sorry, okay?"
This was music to my ears. "I guess I won't." After saying that I swallowed another spoon of our creation, downing it somewhat easier now. "But it's not that I'm a coward, I'm just cautious."
"Sure…" Her expression told me that those words were just like the responses I had given to Mr.Pearson.
"I mean, who in their right mind would start arguing with a teacher on their first meeting, about the subject itself nonetheless.", why did I say this? Was I actively seeking a strong reaction, to continue conversing?
"It won't matter", Dawn didn't look at me, she just stared blankly into her bowl.
"Huh?", was she feeling sick again?
"I argued with him because it won't matter…" I hadn't heard her speak so quietly before, yet it made her words seem louder than ever. She moved her head up from the bowl and looked at me with a… bittersweet expression. Lips that just barely curled up and formed a smile, eyes that looked at me but still did not; all this formed an expression that I felt told me so many things, yet I didn't know what any of those things meant. "So I might as well say and do what I want, right?"
"Why wouldn't what you say and do matter?", Her demeanor was infectious as I spoke in the same calm way as her. Yet I felt a strong sense of foreboding from her words, something that acted like a painful reminder.
She suddenly smiled brightly again, giving me a strong case of whiplash."Ah, forget it. I don't know what I'm saying."
My first thought was to continue pushing for answers, but being the one who had already pressured her into this conversation, I didn't have it in me to continue doing so.
We continued eating up the rest of this soup which had a salty forefront and a sour background, a combination which unfortunately wasn't balanced enough, creating an absolute assault on the taste buds every time it entered.
But our hard battle paid off after we ate up about half the soup and then decided that we didn't want to throw up on the first week of school and instead sneakily threw away our creation in the shared trash.
We were both leaning back in our chairs so far that we almost looked behind us. "Now do you see why premade food is the best?" an exhausted sounding Dawn said, seeming to want to continue the debate she had started.
"Premade food isn't the best, but it works. Not everyone has the time to learn and then cook for themselves. Like, I'm sure your meals taste great Grey, but don't you ever feel pressure knowing that you have to spend some time every day creating something of your own?"
"I don't cook my own meals, and I almost always eat pre-made food…", as I spoke I could still feel the saltiness of the soup in my throat.
Dawn suddenly sat up properly in her chair, looking at me with big curious eyes. "But what about those stories you told me? About cutting yourself and using swimming goggles? Were those lies?"
I sat myself up as properly as I could, but frankly, I had no idea how she had managed to do it so quickly. "Well, I used to cook for a period, but I haven't done it in a long time"
"Why?"
As she asked for the reason, I suddenly remembered a vivid scene of my caretaker, Ingrid, conversing with my stepmother over the phone. And I remembered the outcome being that if I were to stay living in my apartment, I couldn't continue spending time on such activities.
"He isn't going to be a chef, is he? Then he can spend time learning how to cook after he has graduated, with grades that are fit for the future company head"
"I just… didn't like it anymore", I told Dawn after a short look back at my memories.
She crossed both her arms. "Now you're definitely lying to me."
"What?" I was now fully sitting up in my chair.
"I can tell because there's no way someone who doesn't like cooking anymore looks as happy as you when doing it. Nor try calming their partner when they've made a mistake, just so that they won't leave thinking they were right in disliking it."
I was just… looking at her.
"I don't know how good you are at it in the grand scheme of things, but you clearly like it. I dunno what reason you have for stopping, but you should definitely continue doing what you like"
"Wait..." maybe now she- "Do you perhaps like cooking somewhat now?"
"Not at all." she had a stern expression, leaving no room for a different interpretation.
Am I really this bad at reading people?!
"It's a time-consuming activity where so many things can go wrong. It also requires you to be creative and try different things if you want to make something good, oh, and don't even get me started on the damn dishes!" She was kicking me while I was down…
I saw her looking at me when I was broadcasting my clear disappointment in my reading of her, and she chuckled! How sadistic could one be?!
"But I get it" She made a thin smile. "I understand why you like it"
After her sudden showcase of empathy, I found myself silenced. Luckily she decided to fill in for my muteness: "It was fun, cooking and hanging out with you today. I had lots of fun, so thanks for that, Grey"
For once, as I heard her speak with this fondness in her voice my mind didn't immediately go back to our first meeting; asking in confusion why she would ever speak in such a way. Instead, I thought to myself: My enthusiasm, huh?