I don't understand.
It felt warm. It felt sweet. It felt...lovely.
The time I saw her, I thought I could be happy. I really thought I would.
I could still remember myself hoping everyday she'd come back. Whoever she was, she had my heart for sure.
And as days passed by, I slowly lost hope, thinking that perhaps it was just by chance. I used to come back everyday to the same spot, but today, is the last time I'd wait stiffly for her return.
Feeling stupid, I thought of going back to the fairy's den, until I heard crunching leaves and twigs. Familiar steps coming to the pool of flowers. And a sweet sweet voice chanting words I cannot understand by bit that time. She seems like she was calling to me.
I excitedly popped my head from the bushes to look, and felt amazing when I saw her beautiful face look back at me. A genuine smile illuminating the dark secrets of this forest.
I felt my heart burn. It felt...so painful but satisfying having my chest throb like that.
:Carys...Carys.
She pointed to herself, time and time again, while saying those words I will never forget.
After repeating it for several times I understood now. She was Carys, and she was trying to introduce herself to me.
She slowly walked towards me, both her hands behind her back and I knew by then she wasn't going to hurt me. She was gentle, delicate, like the flowers who had just bloomed.
Carys waited until I am confident enough to unhid myself from the thick bushes. And I did. Quickly.
:You're not scared now, huh? Hahah! I'm glad!
Then she did it. She made the most beautiful noise in the world. I by then didn't know what it was. But...it was truly music to my ears. Her laugh, her laugh was very hypnotising, much beautiful than a bird's serenade song.
We played together. She showed me things from her world. Like a mirror, which she pulled from her small brown bag. I would never forget how much force she tried to apply to me just so I won't break the mirror. I was so stupid, I thought my face was trapped. I have never seen myself that clearly before. But I felt embarrassed. My hair was not very neat, and my red eyes were very hard to look at. I tried covering it so she won't burn hers.
:It's okay. I think you look great!
She said, while patting my head again. Even that action made my heart jump. I never blushed as hard as when her hands lovingly stroke my head.
:You actually look really cute!
Then she smiled.
Day by day, she visits me for five hours. Teaching me new stuff, as I show her stuff from my world. It felt so fun. I have never felt so accepted.
She even taught me how to read and speak her language. How to communicate. And with her patience I can finally understand her. I can finally tell her all the words I wanted to say. She even gave me a wonderful name! Silas! Named from the Silas tree. The tree where she first carved her name and mine.
Did I mentioned she was a great cook? She cooks the most tastety things! And she would never forget to share them to me. I hated fruits and vegetables from there on. They all tasted bland to me ever since I tasted her cooking. She was growing quite a lot too. And I wondered how much I grew as well. Since all I see when I look at the river was a disfigured face.
I wonder if I look as good as she says.
If I'm ever as great and deserving for her.
If she means what she says.
...
When we were about 18 life years I...I really couldn't contain myself any longer.
The moment she returned, I sent the ravens to drop flowers from the sky. And I could see that she loved them deeply when she looked at then first before proceeding to walk up to me. She gave the lightest giggles and I couldn't help but do so myself. Then when she was close, I told her how I feel.
It felt like I'm dreaming the moment I felt wet lips touch my cheek. I froze for about two seconds before savoring my victory. By then on, I thought we were inseperable. I thought she'd be with me. I thought we'd marry, have kids and live forever in each other's sight that I...never realized that she's from another world.
And she has a life there too.
...
:Little fairy, she seems wonderful but..are you sure she won't hurt your feelings?
The old fairy tree, reminded me with concern.
But I was too in love to think about that.
:I'm telling you, she's the one, and call me Silas, will you? Once I make her drink my blood, she'll never leave the forest again and she'll live forever! Here with me for the rest of the mortal world's life!
But what plastered in tree's face was no happiness, but rather fear.
:You don't look like yourself anymore. I'm afraid she'll make you too...too much that you'd think about her first than your own. What if she-
:She will never leave me, ever! She promised me that she'd grow old with me. I'm sure of it.
I cockily said with degrading respect, as I continued to tell the tree about every good things about her. And my plan the moment we do marry.
The tree looked uninterested, and that made me angry. I left like a moody child and went back to Carys' spot. I waited. And waited. And waited. But she won't come.
I felt nervous. By that time my mind was running like crazy. Did she got sick? Imprisoned? Hurt? Who caused her to stop visiting me?
I am so frantic to miss her arrival that I refused to leave that place. I grew extremly thin in no time, and hindered the growth of my wings.
The only thing keeping me alive was the fruits that would fall over to the ground, and the hope she would return to me. To us.
It rainded, then it stopped. Then leaves die. And grow once again. Day by day I grew more and more angry and explosive. I remembered killing all the flowers I could see, while my hands dig out the soil before me to kill the time.
I felt crazy. Maybe I was.
Either tears would stream down both my eyes, or sharp words would from my mouth.
I wanted so bad to cross the border between human and fairies. But I knew that I might get killed since I was a young fairy and humans could overwhelm my focus.
I waited a bit more. Almost on the brink of dying. Just three more years to endure and I'll never need food again. At age 21, the fairy body matures. And I won't rely on mortal needs for life.
But the pain was eating me up slowly. I was sleeping both in hunger and pain the moment I heard footsteps come.
I feebly looked up to see, and there..the love of my life was.
She saw me, and the wilted primroses. I tried to explain that I was frustrated, but she didn't listen. At first she quickly fed me bread from her basket, and I swiftly munched on it like there's no tomorrow. Gosh, I missed her food so much. But then she spoke up.
:Silas...I...I'm sorry if I kept you waiting but...I'm already getting married to one of my village people. He's a good man, I promise he won't-
I felt myself lost in the trance by that point.
I tried to focus and looked at her deep in her eyes.
:What? You're...what again?
:Getting married, Silas. I'm getting married. I'm sorry, it wasn't my-
I yelled in a very animalistic way, afraid to hear the end of her sentence. It pained me deeply to know that she made we wait for nothing.
I cried and broke down, and when she tried to touch me, I lost it.
I scratched her arm, and when she screamed in pain, that was when I realized my mistake. I apologized and tried to calm her down, but there was no love, nor friendship remaining in her eyes. Just pure fear and disbelief.
I wiped the blood of my mouth and begged her not to go. But she left. Yet I still waited for her return.
The same cycle continued for months. And by then, I felt so weak I could barely see my surroundings.
I heard several footsteps but they don't belong to her. They were heavy, manly footsteps and I quickly opened my eyes only to see an orange light illuminate the night.
They were...torches!
Men tried to call out for me, but I quickly ran away and tried to warn the others. But while the fairies and forest spirits were able to flee, the ancient fairy trees remained helpless in their roots. The tree of where I was born, looked at me with one last smile and told me not to fall for anyone that would made me love them more than myself. I cried and cried, but at the same time, I have to survive. I have to survive to seek revenge.
Carys...she hated me that much, huh?
Too much that she let them burn our home down when we didn't do the same to them for many years.
I felt hurt, devastated, betrayed. And that action made the other fairies disown me.
I was on my own, and I did my best to blend in to the crowd to see how she's doing. I wanted to hurt her but...at the same time I couldn't. At that point I still deeply love you.
And after months of surveilance, I saw a sight that made me want to burn them all.
A smiling Carys, with her pregnant belly and a cheering family.
I couldn't wait to curse them all.