My shower was quick but I manage to get all of the dirt and blood from my body. The hot water had stung my wounds like fire but at least for now, I'm clean. I'm not sure where to tuck myself when I finally reach the mess hall and my eyes search for the only three familiar faces I know here so far. I spot the old man almost as if I'm trained to do so. He gestures subtly with his head for me to join him and I do, quickly. "Like your room?" He asks me, his voice low. I smile, knowing he's teasing me and I nod "very colorful." I say. It occurs to me now, as I examine everyone in the room, that I'm the youngest. Although, it doesn't matter to me. I knew I was no exception for the awful things that have happened to everyone because of the revolt. It doesn't matter that I'm a girl, or that I'm just a kid, the bullet will still be trained on me, barrel hot, and ready to fire. I can never afford to feel sorry for myself, to let my throat feel that knot tied tight in it, I can't fall to my knees—a million more of my closest friends could die in front of me and I still can not afford to feel it. So, it does not matter if I'm 17 or 13, my life holds no more value than anyone else's..The Capital has no moral compass.
*
An older woman stands in the middle of the mess hall, she is kind looking. Her eyes are soft and icy blue, her hair is long and black, slicked back away from her face. She is short, maybe a little taller than me. She waits for the room to settle down before she speaks, her voice is soft but powerful, commanding the entire space. I tuck my wet hair behind my ears and put my beanie on, adjusting it a bit. "My heart breaks to see so many people gathered in the hole." She says "to see so many suffering because of a simple choice to be free, a decision to live a life that is yours." Some people softly whoop, feeling the power of her statement. It fills my chest with emotions I do not want to feel. "Do not feel like being here is a mistake, I do not want you to regret your decision to join the revolt. You're doing the right thing, all of you." She states, her face is more serious now. "Timothy, his wife, and the capitol rule intend to do whatever they can to scare you or kill you if that fails. They will not hesitate to have you gunned down." My skin goes cold and my whole body feels a pressure inside of it that I had not known existed. I pull on the tattered fingers of my gloves to distract myself from crying. I watched my family die for me, I watched them and countless others die..for doing nothing, for simply wanting to be free. I wish my parents would have realized sooner how corrupt our system was, how evil and twisted our society is. I breathe in heavy through my nose and out the same way, not wanting any noise to escape my mouth. "You okay, kid?" I hear the man whisper to me. I nod, as unconvincing as that is I knew he wouldn't press, no one did anymore. "This revolt is going to change things. My husband and I are determined to set things right." She says firmly, a smile now placed on her lips. "No more dedications, no more making empty promises you don't wish to keep. No more pointless rules meant to control you. It will all end."