Chapter 119:
君を泣く I cry for you
The lake Jasmine had mentioned was truly not far from the valley they had encountered the bandits. After walking for an hour and a half on foot at a rapid pace, walking through the hidden back paths of the Highland district, they came across a large, secluded lake hidden in the middle of the forest. The lake was split in half by a large rock, allowing separate areas for them to bathe.
"Why don't you two take the left hand side?" Jasmine suggested, taking off the coat she had been wearing with a grimace, the blood staining her skin underneath. "I think we would all prefer a little privacy right now."
Clarence, having been bathed by maids in the past in his own private bathroom, would not refuse. "I'd prefer that myself."
Silas and Maeir, having been trained as soldiers as long as they had, were not particular, but Silas nodded his head, "That's fine, but can you help me unlace this dress? I won't be able to get it off on my own."
"Are you sure you don't want to ask Clarence?" Jasmine snorted, staring at Silas as he frowned at her. "Kidding, kidding… He's probably never unlaced one anyway… Come here and I'll loosen the corset." Approaching Jasmine, Silas stood still as she worked through the knotted ribbon before she pulled it through, unlacing the garment with deft fingers, removing it with surprising speed.
Watching in awe, Clarence, having never removed a single article of clothing off of a woman, fell silent in embarrassment. Even like this, I still can't help Silas… In the future, he felt he would need to become better with women's clothing. Nearly every past encounter he had had with Silas was in women's clothing. Even if it's his hobby, I'd like to see him happy. Clarence thought, watching Jasmine with the eyes of an eager learner.
After the corset was loosened, the group split off to either side of the lake and out of view of each other. Their bodies were covered in grime and blood, sticking to their skin like the glaze of a confectionery. They cleanly separated on either side of the lake, preparing their second sets of clothes from their satchels at the side of the water before they began to undress. After gently removing the bonnet and placing it to the side, Silas soon looked towards his dress. He was uncomfortable in his clothes, so he quickly began to strip, ignoring Clarence to the side as he quickly removed his dress, having already unlaced the corset backing with Jasmine.
"Do you need help?" Clarence, seeing Silas struggle to feed the fabric around his head, asked, stepping forward with a little trepidation.
There was a muffled grunt under the lump of cloth surrounding Silas's head and upper body, but after another sharp movement, the dress quickly removed itself off of him, and soon Silas's ruffled hair was exposed with his dirtied face, his expression bitter.
Silas did not respond as he said, "Damn dresses… I never want to wear one again." He sighed, ruffling his medium length blonde hair with his free hand, using the other to throw the dress aside towards the bushes. He now stood in a slip, covering what little was yet to be seen underneath the undergarment.
His legs were still covered by the pair of tights given to him by Jasmine, resting just above his knee, just above where the slip had ended at his knees. His arms were bare, uncovered, and while his hands and spots of his arm were red with bruises and blood, his upper arms and chest were unmarred, white like a glistening saltwater pearl. Even his collarbone rested shapely at the top of the slip, exposing a sliver of skin in a way that almost felt indecent to the young prince. Staring at Silas's thin, muscular frame, Clarence let out a small, inaudible gulp, his eyes falling awkwardly on Silas in a way that made him unable to look away.
Silas at the moment was too busy removing the socks at his feet in a way that wouldn't rip them. Having already removed his shoes, it was easy to slip off the tights and place them with his clothes in a messy pile. Turning to face the lake, he grabbed the sleeves of the slip and pulled it over his head, exposing one final undergarment below, a pair of shorts.
"Are you going to get in or not?" Silas turned to ask Clarence, standing only in underwear. The small shorts highlighted his shapely bottom, and the prince attempted to look away weakly, but his eyes still lingered on Silas's backside, as if his lingering gaze would allow the sight to linger in his mind for just a moment longer.
"O-of course!" Clarence stuttered, his face flushing red as Silas walked towards the water, standing on the edge of the lake before he lowered his shorts, standing fully nude under the light of dusk.
Just close your eyes and don't look! If he were to glimpse any longer, Clarence felt it would not be safe for him to remove his clothes. Even if Silas were to glance his way while removing his clothes, he would die of embarrassment, his face flushing hotter than the summer sun. The only ones that had ever seen him naked were his servants and his mother the moment he was born.
Silas saw Clarence's predicament and laughed a little to himself, standing now waist deep in the water as he said, "Go ahead, I won't look." He thought Clarence was very much different from Cirdan and Aurelia, who used to strip off their clothes as children and run into the lake when it was bath time, often fighting with each other in the water as Maeir would chase them down and bathe them.
Neither of the three were children anymore, though. Silas could only assume that Clarence had a more private bathing experience than most.
After a few moments of rustling, and some aggravated sighs, Clarence had removed all of his clothes and had walked towards the water in his shorts, lingering by the edge of the water
His butterfly bones were shapely, wide but soft. His muscles were firm but fine, showing the hard work of a dedicated soldier. When the suds of the soap brushed against his body, the bubbles fell down his back towards the dimple in his lower back, exposing his narrow hips above the water, trailing over a variety of scars that Silas had. The scars that littered his body randomly had faded, some leaving pale pink traces in their absence, showing how much that body had experienced in the past decade.
War, violence, love, it was like a roadmap, telling the tale of a life Clarence had previously wanted to end.
Now he wished he could kiss each of those scars, begging for forgiveness for his past behaviors. If only the person he wished to repent to would listen. Clarence sighed quietly, watching Silas's back figure as he looked down at his undergarments one last time. Don't embarrass me. He thought to himself, removing his shorts as he quickly entered the water, starting with his feet as he quickly attempted to hide his lower waist under the water.
Cold! Clarence almost yelped, holding back his voice as his teeth chattered, moving slowly as the cold began to acclimate with his body, making him want to jump in and jump out of the lake in quick succession before he stared at the blood staining his hands. The water was cold, but not cold enough to make them want to leave the grime on their bodies.
Silas had already begun to scrub the grime off his body, starting with his face and hair before he moved to his arms, exposing his delicate skin underneath with a hard scrub of the soap. The gem around his neck hung around his collarbone, dangling like the pendulum of a clock, bringing Clarence's attention back forward as he lowered himself deeper into the water.
On the other hand, Clarence moved awkwardly in the water, his body stiff like a fawn as he tottered around the water, rinsing off his face and hair as he attempted to clean off the grime. He had even forgotten his bar of soap, and when Silas looked over, he could only shake his head, finishing his arms as he slowly walked over to the center of the empty lake, closer to Clarence as he said aloud. "Sit down. I'll wash your hair." Silas stared at Clarence, a small bar of homemade soap resting in his palm. "It's all matted with that black sap. Sit down in the water, I'll rinse it off." Silas thought for a moment before he asked, "Unless you're not comfortable with it?"
"W-wash my hair?" Clarence raised a brow, standing taller than Silas, the water covering just above his hips. "T-that's fine." He muttered, lowering his head like a young child as he then looked around the lake and asked. "Where should I sit?"
Silas looked at him with a laugh. "Where else? Right here." Silas pointed to the water in front of him with his free hand. "You're tall enough, anyway. Hurry up, I still have to wash off too."
With a little pep in his step, Clarence hurried over to Silas's side, careful to keep the articles below his waist covered by the cold water. Once he arrived by Silas's side, he asked again, "Should I just sit here?"
Looking at Clarence's awkward pose, Silas cracked a smile. "There's fine. Sit down and hold still."
Using the closed palms of his hands, Silas lifted water from the lake and began to wet Clarence's hair. He cupped his hands as he said to the young prince, "I'm going to wet your hair." After, he let the water in his palms fall over Clarence's head, soaking the young man's dyed black hair with the cold water. After repeating the motions, Clarence's hair was fully soaked, and soon, it was time to shampoo it.
Using Clarence's hand as a voluntary soap dish, Silas rubbed his hand up against the moistened surface of the soap as he used the soap residue on his hands to lather the soap into Clarence's hair. He used gentle strokes of his hand to spread the soap out, moving with deft hands as he began to scratch Clarence's scalp with his rounded nails.
Clarence, sitting looking forward, asked aloud to Silas with an awkward smile, "Do you take baths like this often?"
"In my elven tribe, it was not uncommon to bathe as a village with friends or family." Silas responded, gently scratching his fingers across Clarence's scalp to pick up the black gunk off of his scalp.
Clarence felt like an idiot, wording his words like a fool. Stupid, keep the conversation going! Thinking for a moment, he spoke again, "I think bathing in the river would be fun. Did you do it in the winter too?"
Silas nodded, lathering Clarence's soft hair under his fingers, enjoying the texture of the prince's hair. "More often than not we would take water from the lake and heat it when it got cold. Our mana is too limited to heat the whole lake, and it could harm the animals." He then changed the subject and asked, "In the palace, did you often bathe with your siblings too?"
Clarence closed his eyes as a rush of cool water splashed down his face and hair. "My siblings and I were always bathed by maids."
"Huh." Silas paused, asking a question that had been on his mind, "With Malcolm taking over the palace, you must be worried about your family. Are you close?"
"Not really." Clarence sighed, lowering his head slightly as he clenched his hands, feeling somewhat angry as he thought about the consequences of Malcolm's forceful takeover, "I'm scared for them, though. My little brother is only seven. If Malcolm sees him as a threat to the throne, there's a chance he may kill both of my siblings"
Silas ruffled Clarence's hair, shaking out more soap as he replied, "What about the queen?" She was the prince's mother after all.
The young prince swallowed the dry spit in his mouth, feeling at a loss for words the more he thought about his family. "My mother is a strong person. Malcolm never held any ill intent towards her, but I doubt she will come out safely during this change in power."
Silas nodded, feeling some sympathy for the young, foolish royal. "I understand how you feel." His words were like a double edged sword, reminding Clarence for his own actions in the past. The two fell silent, the once warm atmosphere falling still once again.
Clarence bit his lip, waiting a moment before he said aloud, "I'm sorry."
Silas stared at Clarence with some surprise, finding himself at a loss for words as the prince continued, "I'm sorry for my past behavior. I know it doesn't change anything… but I was wrong. I'll do better now."
"I hope so." Silas said succinctly, cutting off the awkward conversation where it stood as he continued to bathe.
Unbeknownst to the pair, the others at the other side of the lake could clearly hear their conversation as they bathed silently, Jasmine quietly giggling to herself as she lathered soap in her hair, appearing as though she were listening to a bit of juicy, forbidden gossip. As she rinsed out her hair, she turned to Maeir, whose face had fallen into a frown as she stared towards the other side of the lake, her expression full of thought.
On the other side of the lake, Silas had finished washing Clarence's hair and took the soap from his hand. "You should get dressed. I'll be out in a minute." Silas stared towards the side of the water where Clarence's clothes were, noting Clarence's shivering frame.
"Thank you." He said, rubbing his arms. As he began to walk towards the edge of the water, he watched Silas over his shoulder, his expression full of yearning, as if he had something else he wanted to say. But, as he watched Silas wash his face with the soap, he lost his will to speak, and he turned back forward, full of guilt.
Now's not the time to talk about the past. He had already apologized once. There would be many more opportunities to express his sincerity. I should get out of the water and get dressed. I can talk to him more later.
Stepping out of the water, Clarence hurried out of view behind a tree, grabbing his clothes as he passed, hurrying to cover his lower half with his bundle of clothing. His cheeks burned red at the thought of Silas seeing him even partially naked. Though he was confident in his physique, he was too embarrassed to step beyond that line.
After Clarence's figure disappeared, Silas stepped out of the water with some haste, circulating the mana in his body to warm him as he shivered, hurrying barefoot across the grass to his clothes. The grass poked at the bottom of his feet, reminding him of the village when he was a child as he walked behind a large tree, placing his clothes down as he stared back towards the lake one more time. If we never met, would things be different? Silas pondered, thinking of the prince as he began to dress himself, starting with his undergarments. The undergarments consisted of long bloomers that reached his knees and a pair of long socks, making it easier for him to put on compared to the tights he had to use.
As Silas finished putting on his undershorts behind a tree, Maeir walked up to his side, holding his blouse and skirt in her freshly-washed hand. "Put this on next."
Seeing his mother, Silas smiled and thanked her, "Did you have a good bath?" He smiled sweetly, just as he had as a child. Maeir had missed that smile for nearly ten years, and now there was something threatening the joy of her son.
"It was fine." I won't let that foolish prince interfere in our lives anymore. Maeir thought as she said, "Does that little brat remind you of the twins?" She asked suddenly, startling Silas as he stuck his head through his shirt. He froze for a moment, hearing Maeir's words as he stuck his head through his blouse.
Silas scratched his nose, feeling awkward for a moment as he admitted, "I'd be lying if I said no." He was the same age as the twins after all, making Silas feel like the older brother all over again.
"Stand up straight," Maier said as Silas looked down, adjusting the skirt at his waist before Maeir began to lace the shirred skirt in the back, letting it fall to Silas's ankles.
"Thank you." He said, letting out a breath before the skirt tightened around his waist.
Maeir sighed, helping Silas as she said, "Don't forget what he's done, Silas." She looped the coarse ribbon around and knotted it, lacing the spring skirt with deft hands as she stepped back, adjusting the back edging of the pale blue skirt. "That behavior of his will never change, mark my words."
"I may not like him, but he's an invaluable asset for the war. If he doesn't share the information in the palace, we could always abandon him and go our separate ways." Silas whispered, his eyes bright. "It wouldn't be worth torturing him anyway. He's just a pampered royal."
You've grown soft on me, Silas. Maeir thought with a sigh. "Do what you think is right." After tying the skirt, Maeir left her son to finish dressing as she walked to the side of the lake, preparing to discuss their next destination with Jasmine. Silas could only stand still, looking towards the far side of the lake as Clarence finished dressing.
She doesn't understand. Like a curse, Silas could never forget what the prince had done, and what he had done. He did not want to reconcile with the prince, but he felt some pity for the young man, having been uprooted much like himself from the only place he had ever come to know. I can't forget, he still kidnapped and tortured my family after he couldn't get to me. He's not a good person.
Such a young, naive noble had no chance to survive on their own. For now, Silas could only remember the past exchanges between them, weighing his feelings and snippets from the past.
Clarence was some distance away, dressing himself just far away that he was unable to eavesdrop, much to his chagrin.
…
The sound of the door closing made Philomena fall onto the sofa like a lifeless puppet, her eyes swimming with tears as she cried into her hands, water streaming down her face, ruining her delicately prepared makeup with streaking tears. Her perfectly manicured hair was a stark difference to her face, which was full of anguish.
"Philomena, what happened?" Charlotte walked to the couch and quickly sat down next to Philomena, her handkerchief resting in her hand as she passed it to the crying young woman, her face full of concern.
The young foreign princess took the handkerchief in her hand, holding back sobs as she wiped the tears from her face, smearing her makeup as she attempted to catch her breath, her entire being distraught. "I-I saw it…" She choked on her breath, attempting to speak and breathe at the same time.
Lifting her hand, Charlotte gently patted Philomena's back with some concern, "What did you see?"
"I-I saw A-Alywin-" The young woman sobbed into her handkerchief, "A-and Duke Godfreed together…"
"Oh, Philomena-" Charlotte knew how much Philomena adored Alywin. To see him with another person must have devastated her. Having lost Clarence, Charlotte felt a feeling of loss herself, understanding well the evil of nobility.
Hearing Charlotte's words, Philomena shook her head, her expression dark, "T-that's not it! Duke Godfreed is-" She paused again, attempting to catch her breath before she let out a harsh whisper, "He's forcing Alywin to be with him! He won't let him leave the palace, and I'm scared for him!"
Those next words caused the young Bethellian princess to pause, "What?" Basch, hearing Philomena's words, looked over towards Charlotte with concern. Such words could cause an uproar in the palace, or even lead to their untimely demise knowing Duke Malcolm's poor temperament.
"I-I'm scared that Duke Godfreed will hurt Alywin-" She bit her lip, wiping the tears from her eyes as she stared towards Charlotte with a burrowing gaze, "And we may be next."
Charlotte sat forward, her gaze heavy, "What do you mean?"
Philomena opened her mouth, her eyes twinkling with tears as she began to speak. "I want to escape the palace, Charlotte. You can come with me or stay if you wish, but I can't leave without Alywin." She sniffed aloud, tears dotting her handkerchief. "If I leave him here, Malcolm will kill him, Charlotte! We can't let the duke know!"
…
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Sorry for the awkward cut off... I didn't want to get too much into Charlotte's bit yet, as we were reaching our chapter limit, and Hunny is out this week so it's just me. Back from con, and I'm still recovering! I'm an old lady!! ;; But I got to talk to my Japanese friend, Hoko-chan, for two hours on the phone this morning, so it was really nice! I'm using hellotalk to keep up my Japanese too, and so far that's been interesting too!
Hope y'all enjoy the lake scene too. Hunny told me only naughty stuff happens in lakes, and I said, "Well, fight me. It's wholesome now!" Except I do recognize Clare is an excited teen, so there's that (ha). More focus on their relationship now, but next chapter will be all plot and some fluff. I'm on 121 right now so I'm actually ahead ;;
Thanks always for reading!! Auntie Cat Masseuse is sending you some love!! :D
Note: This chapter title was inspired by 君死にたまふこと勿れ, or Don't Lay Down your Life by Yosano Akiko. It is an anti-war poem that describes the horrors of war, and how her younger brother should not have to lay down his life for a fruitless cause essentially when others are not. It's a lovely poem and I can't recommend her works enough! She was a trailblazer of a writer. I just adore her works! If I have talked about this before, sorry, I love this poem TT^TT It encapsulates what YMtK is to me.
Note: Basch not Bashe. Yell at me if you see it. I know I can't spell D: