"No." Zenith shook his head, slowly at first, but becoming more vehement. "No, that's...I don't understand. Why?"
"Why?" A smile settled across Theo's face, warm and gentle. "Because it's you, Zenith. That's all the reason I need."
"No, that is – illogical." Zenith lifted a shaking hand again, pressing it to his forehead. "This is – from the beginning, this is what you've always done to me. You don't make sense. The things you say, the things you do. Everything you do, it's – yet why, why do I always let you confuse me?"
"It's not like that, Zenith. You can't control the way you feel." But the truth was, until now Theo had no idea Zenith had ever felt this way. How ignorant he'd been.
Never again, he resolved.
"I can! I should." The hand on Zenith's face slid upward, twisting into his hair. "I am a knight. A homunculus. I should live for nothing but my mission. That should be enough. And it was! It was! For years – until you ruined it all!"
His voice rose to a shout, raw with agony, and Theo couldn't help but lurch back. Furious with himself, he clenched his teeth and made himself step forward again. By now, less than a yard separated him from Zenith. Even without their contract, he could sense Zenith's Levia pulsing in the air between the two of them, guttering like a candle in the wind.
Theo had never felt it like this before, not even after their fiercest battles. What Zenith was going through right now, he couldn't begin to understand – but he wanted to. With all his heart, he wanted to.
"Zenith, I...I'm sorry for making you feel like this. And for so many other things." Though it hurt like a knife clawing out his soul, Theo never broke his gaze from Zenith. He was through with running away, with being a coward. Only by facing Zenith head-on could both of them move forward.
"I said I loved you, but I didn't understand you. I didn't even try. Like I said, I took you for granted. Even though I depended on you for so much, I couldn't be a person you could depend on in turn. From the bottom of my soul, Zenith, I can't apologize enough."
Despite his best efforts, his throat grew tighter with each word, and his voice broke near the very end. Furious with himself, he clenched his hands into fists and swallowed as hard as he could, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat, force back the tears stinging behind his eyes. Here and now, he didn't have a right.
"Why...why are you apologizing?" Zenith groaned into his hand. "You've done nothing wrong. It – it was all me. From the very beginning, it was all me. My weakness alone."
"No, that's not true," Theo said fiercely. By now, his heart ached like a new bruise – but his Levia coursed warm and strong through his body, taking the edge off the pain just the slightest. "You're not weak, Zenith. Not at all."
"I can't even devote myself to a liege properly. I can't be a true knight."
You don't have to be, but Theo swallowed the objection before it could come out. Because even if he didn't fully understand Zenith, he understood that for Zenith, his mission came before everything else. It wasn't just an obstacle standing in the way of sharing romantic feelings with Theo. It was the very essence of his soul.
So Theo said, "You can be, Zenith. Being a true knight – does that mean having no feelings? Never letting anyone in? If you ask me, that sounds more lonely than anyone can bear. Even if you're a homunculus, I don't think you could stand it either. No matter who or what we are, people need connections in order to survive."
He took a deep breath, drawing on the memories swirling inside him. All of them, from the very beginning of their journey together. "Ryan and Avia, didn't they form a true connection in the end? Sam and Ryllis. Meg and Lodo. Cay, Amaro, Eulyn. Fia and Ryan. Even Victor and Mirage. All of us were only able to get so far because of our bonds. What we lack on our own, we make up for together."
Once again, Mom's words whispered in his heart. Become stronger together than they ever could apart. And though she had been speaking about wizardry, he felt that she must have meant so much more. Because Mom felt the same way as he did, didn't she? Because of her bonds with her family, she had entrusted her legacy to him and Victor.
"More than anything, Zenith, I want to connect with you." Smiling, Theo held out his hand. "I want to know everything about you. Even the parts I don't understand, that I sometimes wish don't exist. Even the parts you want to keep hidden, or insist you don't have."
"No." Zenith shook his head again and again, both hands clamped over his face. "No, no, no. It's impossible. Completely impossible. How, why, why would you even – how can you still – after everything – someone like me – disgraceful, traitorous, a complete and utter failure of a knight – "
"That doesn't matter." Theo raised his voice, cutting through Zenith's increasingly incoherent rambling. "That's all part of you too. So I'll accept it, no matter what. All of you."
"Why? Why?" Zenith finally lowered his hands, revealing huge, desperate eyes. "Why would you even want that?"
"I said it already, didn't I?" Theo's smile widened. "Because it's you."
Zenith drew in a shuddering breath before falling to his knees, hitting the floor with a resounding crash of armor. Alarm fluttered through Theo, but it felt dim and distant, as if he was experiencing it in someone else's body. Right now, he could only focus on Zenith. His arms limp by his sides, his mouth trembling, his face pale and ashen.
And his eyes, so bright and clear yet quivering with an emotion that sent a tender ache through Theo's heart. In them, Theo saw himself reflected as if he was floating in the sky. A reflection that was becoming blurrier by the moment....
Zenith's throat convulsed. His breathing hitched. Then the tears spilled, tracing the elegant sweep of his cheekbones, glittering in the daylight spilling through the window.
For a moment, Theo could only stand there watching as the tears rolled down Zenith's face, as his entire body shook from silent sobs. He felt frozen from the inside out. It was the first time he had ever seen Zenith cry. Until now, he hadn't even known the homunculus knight was capable of it.
And Zenith couldn't seem to make himself stop. He wrapped his arms around his torso, trembling harder and harder, tiny gasps and whimpers falling from his lips. The tears kept flowing, dripping onto the marble floor.
Finally something broke through the numb cold gripping Theo's body. A flood of affection, brighter and hotter than his Levia could hope to be. All thought fled his mind. He dropped his staff, fell to his knees, and flung his arms around Zenith's shoulders.
With the pauldrons in his way, he couldn't wrap his arms all the way around, but it didn't matter. Like this, he was pressed right up against his knight's body, feeling every breath shudder through his chest. Zenith went stiff, muscles snapping taut, and Theo almost let go – only for Zenith's hands to press into his back and pull him closer.
His hands dug in deep, almost painfully so, but Theo didn't care. Right now, he felt safer and more secure than he ever had. Like everything was finally right in the world.
As Zenith trembled harder, sobbing into his shoulder, Theo felt his own eyes prickle and sting. Yet even as the tears trickled free, he couldn't fight back the smile tugging at his lips.