Later that night, Zenith gazed at Theo sleeping by his side. His head rested on Zenith's arm, pinning it in place, but Zenith felt no need to move him.
With their clothes scattered across the floor, only the blanket kept out the night's chill. Although Zenith hardly needed it, he used his free hand to tug the blanket up to Theo's chin. That done, he idly ran his fingers through Theo's tousled hair.
He swept back a few locks that had fallen across Theo's face, exposing his right eye. Though the lashes fluttered, it remained shut. With his lips curved in a slight smile, he looked so peaceful it sent a strange warmth pooling in Zenith's chest.
He was surprised by how calm he felt – contented, even. No, he could never undo his dishonorable actions, nor could he remove Victor and Mirage from the craft, but it didn't matter now. Not when Theo's Levia coursed through his body like a steady river of light.
Earlier he had reached out to Theo in a blind panic, instinctively seeking that gentle dawn glow. Anything to keep the darkness churning inside him from erupting.
And it had worked. Theo had given him so much, more than Zenith had ever received. He didn't know how to begin repaying his wizard.
"So." The voice filled the room, startlingly loud in the still night air. "Does that mean you love him too?"
Zenith jolted upright. Theo's head slid down from his arm, but aside from a faint grunt, he didn't react.
His skin prickling, Zenith turned around. He didn't know why. He should have ignored the voice. But when he saw the person standing in the middle of the cabin, numb shock seized his entire body.
Impossible. But he couldn't tear his eyes from the tall, slender figure with six wings curving around his body. Pale golden light seemed to glow under his skin, washing out his features, but Zenith still made out the contours of his face, the hair falling in waves to his shoulders.
Zenith had never seen him so clearly before. And this time, he wasn't in sleep mode.
"What's the matter?" The winged man spoke. "I asked you a question. Won't you answer?"
Zenith remained frozen in place. The blanket slid down from his shoulders, but he hardly noticed his nudity. Not when this man had already seen into the deepest parts of his being.
His mouth moved. The words came out, faint and trembling. "What...do you mean?"
He shouldn't be doing this, speaking to a strange hallucination. He should lie down next to Theo and close his eyes and enter sleep mode. So why didn't he? Why couldn't he twitch a single muscle?
The man chuckled, a low sound that dragged at Zenith's gut. "I asked if you loved Theo. Don't you remember? He said he loved you."
A shudder ran down Zenith's spine. Theo had said something like that, hadn't he? At the time, Zenith hadn't known how to answer, so he hadn't. And now....
"I don't know," he said. "I don't know...what love means."
Yes, he had heard people talk about 'love' before. But he'd always dismissed it as an abstract concept irrelevant to his life. He certainly had never imagined Theo would say those words to him.
The winged man folded his arms, the contours of his face shifting in a way that made Zenith think he was smiling. "To love someone is to hold them in the highest regard above all others. So really, it's simple. Is Theo that person to you or not?"
"No," Zenith said automatically. "The most important person – that is my liege."
It was the truth, wasn't it? So why did those words sound so hollow?
"Hm?" The man tilted his head. "But you wouldn't say you love her, do you?"
"I – I am loyal to her," Zenith insisted. "I swore my life to her service."
"But is she worthy of your loyalty?"
Unable to stop himself, Zenith lurched to his feet. "Of course!"
"Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better." The man began to pace back and forth, his steps making no sound against the floor. Though his wings came within inches of brushing Zenith, the air did not so much as stir.
"Admit it, though. Aren't your feelings for Theo deeper? Doesn't being with him make you feel better than being with her?"
"What?" Zenith choked out.
"She didn't comfort you when you needed it most, did she? Theo did. He trusts you more than she does, and you trust him more than her."
"That's not true!" Zenith shouted. Sweat slicked his skin, cold as droplets of ice. He could scarcely remember what Theo's Levia had felt like, even though it had been so close to his reach only a few moments before.
Theo, Theo....Theo was there, right behind him. Still obliviously asleep. If Zenith just went back to the bed and woke him, this nightmare would end....
But wouldn't that prove the winged man correct? Because he could not imagine turning to his liege for comfort, even in a time of such distress.
Theo had given him everything, after all...and his liege had only given him lies.
Zenith shook his head in a desperate attempt to clear it. Disloyal, ungrateful, unknightly, wrong. So why did these thoughts resound so deep in his core? In the same place that this man's words struck?
The man continued to speak, his voice gliding across Zenith's ears like poisoned honey. "You already know all of this. After all, when the time came down to it, you chose Theo over your liege."
Zenith shuddered harder, his knees almost buckling. It was true. Hadn't the same voice already accused him of as much?"
"So you love Theo. He's the most important person to you. Isn't it simple?" The man's voice dripped irony.
"No!" The cry came out high and strangled. "No, you're wrong!"
He shouldn't listen to these lies. All he needed was to remember the moment he had met his liege. Rapier in hand, facing a swarm of monsters with a determination that belied her tiny frame. And afterwards, when he had knelt to her and she had tapped the rapier to his shoulder, swearing him to her service....
The joy he'd felt as her Levia flowed into his body, slaking the thirst that had burned inside him all these years of wandering alone. Remember it!
But it seemed so distant, like faded photographs from someone else's life. Far clearer was the icy disappointment in her glare, her barked orders to apologize to a demon and his thrall. And Theo holding him tight, saying, 'I love you.'
His legs gave in, knees hitting the floor with a bone-jolting impact. Yet he barely felt it. He dug his hands into his head, twisting the hair between his fingers, but couldn't stop the man's horrible words from flooding over him.
"Ah...but if only Theo felt the same as you. Oh, he said he loved you, but he didn't mean it. You aren't the most important person to him."
"Wh-wh-what do you mean?" Zenith stammered, shivering all over.
"Isn't it obvious?" An airy laugh. "It's his precious big brother. Or did you forget everything he said to you? Look how happy he is to fight alongside his brother again, how willing he is to trust him."
"He s-said, he said he didn't...."
"More words he didn't mean. If he really didn't trust his brother, he would have backed you up. He would have helped you defeat that vile man for good. Instead, you saw how hard he tried to defend his brother."
"No, no," Zenith moaned. Sweat dripped from his forehead, hitting the floor like tears. "That's not – "
"He only wanted you to shut up about it, that's why he did what he did. Well, perhaps he does believe he loves you. But if he truly did, he wouldn't dismiss your concerns so easily."
Soft golden light flooded Zenith's vision. Lifting his head, he saw the man crouching before him and holding out a slender, long-fingered hand. So unlike Theo's smaller hands, yet it seemed so heartbreakingly familiar.
"You poor thing." The man's voice lowered to a gentle coo. "In the end, you aren't the most important to anyone. Doesn't that hurt? Aren't you lonely?"
"No!" Zenith bit out. Each word burned as it tore from his throat, but he had to get them out before it – everything – drove him insane. "I don't – I don't need to be – to be anyone's most important person. All I need is to fulfill my duty."
"An admirable spirit." The man's hand crept closer, making Zenith start. Yet he couldn't escape, not before those slim fingers closed around his chin. He didn't feel the touch – no skin, no warmth – but the man's Levia glowed brighter, pouring across his skin like the illusion of sunlight.
"Even so, don't forget. There is a place where you are indeed wanted. As I said before, you may have forgotten me, but I have never forgotten you. And if you so desire, I will gladly bring you home."
Home. He already had a home, he wanted to say. Here on the Blue Sky, with Theo and his liege. Except – except that wasn't true, was it?
All those ugly dark emotions flooded his core again, choking off his breath. It was as if they'd never gone away, and they hadn't. He had only been fooling himself.
"Think about it." The hand slid upward, cupping his cheek. It patted, once, twice, leaving behind the prickling presence of its Levia. Then the pale golden light winked out of existence, drowning the cabin in darkness once more. All that remained were a few fluttering feathers, and they soon scattered like dying fireflies.
Theo was still asleep behind him, his breathing calm and even. Yet Zenith had never felt more alone.