January 1st, 00:45 AM
It's New Year, yet the atmosphere said otherwise. He invited his two friends for a drink, and now, this happened; Zhang Shun with his half-closed eyes, Junjie with his wine, and him with his broken heart.
How many years has it been? Four? Five? Six years? Why couldn't he let go?
Vrrr…
A loud bout of mellow music filled the room, painting a night opposite the joyous occasion.
The loud bout of song echoed throughout the room, painting a night opposite the occasion. It was a New Year but the three people inside it seemed like there was a funeral. The thick smell of alcohol as casual ironic laughter said otherwise.
Leng Mo tipped his head on the back of his seat, closing his eyes while immersing himself in the song telling his heart.
Bittersweet (Just like the wine downing his throat)
Can't deny this aching feeling (That he's been hiding for years)
I'm alive but I'm barely breathing, oh (Just like now)
I've loved you since the start (Yeah)
And you've always had my heart (Since day one)
But you never knew (but I never told you)
I should have moved on by now (And now, I just couldn't let you go)
But why can't I be happy for you (I couldn't be happy without you.)
The song ended but it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Leng Mo sprang his eyes open and reached an arm for another shot. In front of him was a pile of liquor, lining up for him (them) to open; to drown that melancholy looming over him since this morning.
"She's back," Leng Mo uttered to the room.
A sigh came out from the person beside him, sulking about something Leng Mo couldn't understand.
"Indeed--"
CLINK!
Glass hit glass, indicating the unsteady state of mind of the person sitting beside him. Leng Mo locked his gaze onto the only "sober" person in this room and gestured for an explanation. Unfortunately, Junjie just shrugged him off, "Don't ask me, he's just STUPID."
Leng Mo nodded, no longer asking about the details. Something must've happened and it's probably another lady who stole the poker-faced Shun's heart. Then the image of the young girl always lingering around his Chen Ri came into mind. It must've been her masterpiece. Leng Mo looked at the sulky Shun beside him and downed another glass.
"Well, who told him to be so stupid and not expressive enough." He's probably talking about himself.
Well at least Leng Mo's no longer alone in this shit. Yes, shit. It's been years since then but the pain felt like it was yesterday.
Leng Mo stared down at his glass of wine then downed it. Fishing his phone from his pocket, Leng Mo looked at the latest news from his High School Classmates' circle.
Classmate A: Yo guys! Guess who I've seen together this morning at the airport?
Then a short clip was attached to the message.
Leng Mo held his phone tighter, staring at the entire clip without even a wink. It was the latest news he ever received from her aside from the newspapers and media reports he cut out over the years. She's happy and free. Leng Mo's satisfied at the thought, but when his eyes landed on the person standing next to her in all those events, his mood dropped to its lowest. That should be him. God knew how much self-control it took him to not follow her in that foreign land and bring her back—back to him.
Leng Mo washed a palm on his face. He was wrong, he was very wrong. He should've never left. He should've never abandoned her. If there's one thing Leng Mo regretted the most, then that was fleeing without fighting. That was the biggest shame he ever committed all his life. Everything was so fucked up that year that he totally lost it. He knew to himself that he sounded like a jerk for making up excuses but there were some truths in it; truths that only Leng Mo knew.
Another song played in the background—JUST A FOOL—his favorite song all those years of her absence.
I found myself laughing thinking:
"Why I couldn't move on from you before?"
If I remember correctly, I used to be forgetful
But I just don't know why I couldn't forget about you.
Sigh.
Leng Mo held his shot glass tighter.
"It's really a miracle that your girl best friend never fell in love for you," Shun broke Leng Mo away from his trance. He still looked all sulky with his sunken eyes but he seemed sober after some moment of silence.
"Seriously, bro. If she did and If I was her, I would rather die than be in someone else's shadow. At least that's what she did," he added with a sigh then chugged another glass of wine.
Leng Mo stared at him before Shun's words fell into place.
"You---" Leng Mo paused before sending Shun a side long glance.
"You thought I was in love with that Chen Ri?" (referring to the childhood friend Leng Mo had been looking for).
"No doubt bro," Shun clinked their cups together before drinking his wine again.
"Even a dense person like Mufan knew you're obsessed with your childhood sweetheart," Junjie chimed in as a matter of fact, who knew how long he's been listening to what they're talking about.
"You think?" Leng Mo fell silent for a while, just where in hell did he go wrong?
With a sigh, he cocked his head back and closed his eyes, "Then I must've sent the wrong signals then."
So that's what happened… no wonder she never responded to his advances if his actions where even considered one.
A bout of silence reigned over them followed by the dragging sound of metal against marble.
"You! You!" Junjie pointed a finger at Leng Mo not knowing what to say next.
"What the hell??" Shun exclaimed, wiping the residual wine off his lips.
The news dropped like a nuclear bomb, Leng Mo never admitted it—his feelings. He took their shocked reactions as a sign that he really messed up then nodded to affirm what the two were thinking.
"Fck! Fck! Fck! What the fuck, bro? You mean.... all this time--"
"Yeah," Leng Mo cut straight to the point—it was pretty useless to keep hiding it this time.
Junjie slumped back on his seat and washed his face with his palm.
"Geez, bro. I saw Gu Chen Ri and Lin Xaiofeng being intimate with each other."
"I know," Leng Mo swirled his cup then placed it back roughly on the table, "that's why I gave up years ago."