Cecilia's POV
I close my eyes and count down from ten to one, trying to calm down my racing heart. When I open them again, I see the blue-eyed, widowy looking, dark-haired reflection of myself in the mirror. I've heard some people describe me as beautiful and confident looking, but now, staring at my vulnerable self, I realize just how strong the masks I've made for myself are.
Sighing, I turn and walk back, sitting myself down on the edge of my bed. As if activated by my movement, my phone buzzes, informing me that I've received a new message. Grabbing it from the midst of my tangled blankets and holding it over my lap, I stare down at the opened chat.
[ Did Dillon bother you today? ] The top of the chat reads Caia.
Before I could decide on how to reply, the phone buzzes again, indicating me receiving a new message from another person. I don't even have to guess who it is, I was almost expecting one from him.
[ You are not going to disappoint me today, are you? ] Says Dillon. Then, as if by an afterthought, he adds. [ Let's sure hope you don't. ]
I feel a pain inside my chest, like a cold fist closing around my heart. This has come to become frequent lately. As if having planned it, the two of them send me messages almost at the same time, leaving me to decide who to lie to first.
A tear drops onto my arm and I realize that I've started crying. Drawing the back of my hand under my eyes to dry my wet cheeks, I move my gaze away from my phone and out of my bedroom window, locking it on the tall willow tree that stands in my backyard.
This is what my life has become. Deciding between the only two people who are closest to me and who almost know who and what I really am, and shedding tears, missing meals, losing myself in thoughts during my waking hours, and screaming awake from nightmares in my sleep because of the pain the deciding brings me.
My eyes focus on a thick, strong-looking branch of the willow, close enough to the ground that if I stood under it, it would hover about four or five feet above my head.
I close my eyes again, but it doesn't help at all. Caia's and Dillon's faces take form side by side behind my closed eyelids. How many lies; how many secrets lie between me and each of them? How long will this game of mine go on? How long will I survive like this?
I open my eyes and look down at my phone, still showing me the last text I received from Dillon. I hit back and now stare at both their names, one under the other.
Who should I choose now? My closest, most trustworthy friend or the boy who, at moments claims; at moments threatens; that he knows and understands everything about me?
Looking back at the willow tree and I immediately notice small branches that one could easily use the chamber up the trunk to the branch I was staring at earlier.
I feel a small smile creep over my lips as an idea takes form inside my mind, clearing it from all my other troubling thoughts. Typing a new message and hitting send, I hurry towards my study desk and start rampaging through the possessions I've kept atop it.
Once everything is in place where I want them to be and I have what I want, I slip it and the phone into my jacket pocket. Pulling the jacket on, I rush out of the room, closing the door behind me, and run downstairs, towards the front door, relief, and calmness coursing through me now, like how sorrow and pain did in the weeks that has passed. I keep repeating my thoughts over and over again, not wanting to lose the lightness.
I don't have to choose today. I don't have to choose ever again.
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