"Feiya my dear sister, the Father has told me to inform you of some information that will be important if you ever come across one such soul." A young male spoke lightly but his tone was serious. He sat across from Feiya at a small round table for two that the pair used frequently for meetings.
Feiya nodded at her brother to continue further feeling a bit eager at what this information could be.
"The Father has come across a new type of soul and has taken to exploring its possibilities. Though I'm unsure what that could mean, however, The Father calls these souls Noir Coeur." Her brother paused letting Feiya process the information before continuing. "The Father has a few hunches as to this sudden new soul type but that is beside the point. If you are to ever encounter one in our duties as Nurturers then you must proceed with caution. These soul types tend to mostly take permanent death than anything else and though it is sad they are often unhappy. And the options change for them to conform to their dark nature. As far as The Father knows souls that become Noir Coeur we're first knocked off course and were sent somewhere they were not supposed to be. Due to that, the soul begins to feel lonely like they don't belong. Nothing, from where they are, can change that at all."
Feiya furrowed her eyebrows when it seemed like her brother was done explaining. "This most confusing dear brother...how can a soul be knocked off course? Could have someone done that on purpose?" She asked, unable to hold her curiosity back.
Her brother shook his head. "As far as The Father knows nothing was reported. It is an anomaly and he isn't quite sure how to deal with it just yet. Not to mention the other gods are away."
Feiya hummed thoughtfully. "Alright...this is a bit sad though." Bringing up her arm, she leaned forward putting her elbow on the table and rested her head on the palm of her hand. "From what you said they all choose permanent death instead of reincarnation? Wouldn't they've been happier if they choose that instead? If they choose permanent death and felt lonely wouldn't that mean they wouldn't see their loved ones? After all, that option purely depends on the soul's feelings before they come. If they felt loved and full any of their loved ones that died would meet them.
Her brother shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not quite sure why it happens. However, that is only the assumption based on the few we already have seen. Perhaps if you, my dear sister, encounter one you can encourage them to choose that option. But only if it is the happier path for them…" Her brother trailed off seeming to get lost in thought. Feiya left her brother to his thoughts and thought over the entire conversation. She wasn't sure if she would encounter one of the new soul types but if she did she would need to be prepared.
She was determined to do her duty and hopefully change the course of this new type of soul.
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Pain from the tips of my fingers to the soles of my feet was all I focus on. I bit back a small sob when I felt my body being lifted hastily and set on something. Faintly I could hear voices and screams but everything was drowned out in seconds.
Slowly it became harder to focus even on the pain in my body as I felt myself growing tired.
"...pass...hurry!" Voices muffled, I felt something cold on my chest before it zapped me awake. It didn't last, however, as I lost my hearing. Not long after I lost my hearing the feeling in my body completely left and I was free from the pain. I was free…
"Welcome to the Soul Chamber, " A sweet voice aroused me out of my peaceful slumber. Quickly registering the pain I felt mere minutes ago had ceased my eyes blinked open in confusion. Where was I? What happened?
It appeared I was lying down on the floor in a room that reminded me just a bit of a hospital. And yet the room held no bed or the technology, instead was a small dark wood chabudai with two grey-colored zabutons. Sitting up slowly, I gulped nervously noticing I was not alone in the white room. There was a woman sitting seiza at the table completely devoid of emotion staring at me. Her eyes were a breathtaking gold color I have never seen before from another person. She, besides her gold eyes, wore a kimono styled dress that was dark red and white. Decorated with white flowers embedded on the dark red patches of the dress a white base ribbon with red trims tightly wrapped around her waist. Her skin was deathly pale and if it weren't for her bright red lips and open eyes I would have thought she was dead. She appeared of American descent but I was not one to assume so I shoved the thought away.
My stomach churned uncomfortably when the woman gestured for me to approach. Making no move to approach her, her expression flickered to sadness. Her bright red lips frowned but quickly shifted back into a smile as if she had just understood something. "Hello, Tanaka Jiro." she greeted.
Her voice was soft and sweet that matched the voice I first heard.
Seeming to be able to understand what I was thinking, she nodded. "It was indeed I who spoke to you." Opening her arms, she gestured to the room we were in. "This is the Soul Chamber."
Words I wanted to say lodged in my throat as I struggled to understand. What was a Soul Chamber? Was a Soul Chamber bad? Why was I here?
"To clear up your confusion, I am here to answer any questions you retain. Should you wish I can also leave you here alone for several minutes to gather yourself." The woman sat there patiently waiting for my response.
Looking down at my hands, I held my hands together noting that I was shaking. "M-may I have a few minutes by myself?" I croaked out quietly. There was a ruffling noise meaning the woman had gotten up. Peeking up slightly, I realized that the woman honored my request and had disappeared leaving me alone.
My previously tense body had relaxed and my hands stopped shaking. The pressure of having another person in the room was gone leaving me to my thoughts. Hugging my knees to my chest, I buried my face into my dark blue jeans.
I didn't remember much of the moments before I had woken up here. Only the pain I had felt and images of fire and smoke. The smiles of my family flashed in my mind causing me to clench my teeth. I was slowly piecing the puzzle together and so far...I did not like it. Though I did not like it I held no dislike for the idea either.
I was dead.
At the acknowledgment, it was like I was finally able to breathe. That statement alone was funny all considering but in reality, it was the truth. Life had been stressful for me and lonely all the same. But what was he supposed to do now?
"I have returned."
Her familiar voice caused my entire body to tense up again. Unburying my head, I shifted my gaze up to hers. She had taken to sitting back down smiling at me.
"Ok…" I muttered looking away from her.
"You must be wondering what to do now that you have died." She said as if she had read his mind.
Sparing her a glance, "Yeah." I confirmed.
"Well for you…" She looked down at her hands squeezing her eyes shut as if in pain. Her moment of weakness didn't last long as it was wiped completely from her face. As if it was never there, to begin with. "You are able to choose. My job as a Nurturer is to help if I am able."
"Nurturer…?" Tilting my head curiously to the left, I thought about the title. It reminded me of a woman who worked at the hospital near where I lived. She nurtured and cared for the babies that were just born and we're up for adoption.
"Indeed. A Nurturer, like myself, is like grim reapers of sorts. Except we aim to ensure that path you choose will end happily for you." She clarified her tone full of pride.
I hummed in thought glancing at her in the corner of my eye. She was beaming happily compared to before meaning she loved her job and explaining about it. It didn't matter to me in the least but it was nice to see someone happy with what they were accomplishing. "Must be taxing, " I said.
"Ah, no nothing like that. Though some Souls are indeed a bit...though I enjoy nonetheless." She waved my comment off.
This conversation ended in silence which was my wish, however, she looked like she was waiting. A bit unsure, I asked, "...what are my options?"
Her friendly disposition evaporated taking on a more serious expression. "You have three options. Though…one of them is a bit different for you than everyone else." I nodded for her to explain. She inhaled sharply continuing. "You are what we call a Noir Coeur. It essentially means that compared to other Souls you are pure darkness instead of light. The darkness is all because your Soul was sent somewhere you were not destined to be. And because of that, your Soul grew lonely and loneliness can be very...hurtful for Souls."
Thinking back on life, it explained quite a few things. I never felt I had belonged and with each passing day no matter who I was around I felt lonely. No matter what the loneliness swallowed me up constantly leaving me in a black sea to drift.
She continued. "Which- that brings us- to what is different for you. Normally a Soul when they select permanent death they can see those they love that had passed on before. However, since you, as a Noir Coeur, were never supposed to be where you were. Whoever was around you as your family or loved ones you are unable to be with them if you choose that option. You will be forever lonely and eventually, your Soul will die out and cease to exist."
That reality hit me like a train causing my heart to beat painfully. Looking down at my hands, I thought over her explanation. To be forever surrounded by darkness and eventually cease to exist? Though appealing it wasn't really. At least it wasn't to me because thinking back now...I don't want to feel lonely anymore.
My family before I died wasn't the best but they were still my family. I dealt with them even though I didn't want to and I also dealt with their restricting rules. They never truly loved me but perhaps that was because I wasn't supposed to be there, to begin with? Shaking my head at the excuse, I sighed.
"But you have more choices…" She added.
I looked up at her blinking. "And what...are those?"
"You can choose to reincarnate. If you choose this option you would be sent to the place you were originally meant to be. Or you could choose to become a Nurturer like me, however, that would mean you would throw your identity as a Soul away and all your memories."
Choosing between things was always an overwhelming process for me, I often found pressure along with it. Was it my choice? Previous choices I had to make weren't mine, however, this seemed to be fully up to me. Shifting uncomfortably, I grimaced and tried to fully think about it. But did I? It seemed I already thought about which choice I wanted to go with. Smiling softly at the thought of my possible happy future, I looked at the woman in determination. "I would...like to reincarnate."
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Chabudai: Chabudai (卓袱台 or 茶袱台 or 茶部台) is a short-legged table used in traditional Japanese homes. The original chabudai ranged in height from just 15 cm to a maximum height of 30 cm.
Zabutons: A zabuton (座布団, [d͡za̠bɯ̟ᵝtõ̞ɴ]) is a Japanese cushion for sitting. The zabuton is generally used when sitting on the floor and may also be used when sitting on a chair.