She couldn't help but wonder at the physical difference between her and her brother added to the fact that apart from her skin color, she didn't look anything like any of her parents. Another factor that puzzled her was that she couldn't remember her life before she turned eight. Her childhood before the age of eight was a massive void that no matter how hard she tried, she was never able to fill. Sometimes when she tried too hard, she would develop a severe migraine that would have her hospitalized for days.
What was the purpose of knowing anyway? She was her father's princess, her mother loved her to high heavens and her brother dotted on her like a mother hen. Basically, she had a loving family and a happy fulfilled life. Thus, she stopped bothering and wondering where the first seven years of her life disappeared to.
But that doesn't mean it didn't bother her. Most of the times she would feel like she doesn't belong, like some very important part of her was missing and like she should mourn. At times she would be overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear until her brother would come to her room and chase the demons away. He was always there, taking care of her, chasing away her demons and loving her in all the possible ways a brother can love his sister.
Sometimes she would have nightmares. The worst and most common was of a woman being stabbed in the heart by a huge man. In her dreams, the woman always turned out to be her mother and the murderer her father. On such occasions, she would wake up crying hysterically and not even her brother could console her until her mother came to her room to reassure her that she was alive and well and her father won't murder her.
Other times, she would dream of a child being raped by a very strong man. Sometimes she was that child, sometimes it was a child she knew but other times it was just a random child. In every scenario though, the child was brutally raped over and over again until she woke up screaming. And then, her brother would go to her room running to chase the demons away and make her feel better but she would be scared of him and try to hide from him until her mother would come to her room to reassure her that it was just Jay, her loving brother and that he would never harm her.
Her father always bought her beautiful princess dresses like those she saw in Disneyland and would always make sure she dressed like a Disney princess. On the nights when her favorite toys weren't enough to ward off the demons even for a little while to allow sleep take her to lala-land, she would either tiptoe to either her parents o her brothers room to sleep there. They always made room for her.
Birthdays and Christmas celebrations were the best days. There was usually a lot of laughter and happy vibes in the house. That's when she got to meet her cousins and other relatives and indulge in the vanilla ice-cream goodness that her mother didn't always allow her. And Santa visited a lot, with lots of presents for everyone. There was also a lot of freedom to go out to play and no homework to spoil her cartoon watching evenings. And so it was on one such occasion when Joel, her first uncle's son, in their fight over a toy told her to be grateful she was allowed in their family seeing that she was homeless and poor. When she argued that she was her daddy's princess, Joel scoffed and asked her why she didn't look like any other member of her family.
"Aunty Laura just pitied you when they stumbled on you on the streets. No doubt your parents didn't want your filthy ass anymore", he had cruelly told her.
Crying, she had run to her mother and told her what Joel had said. There had been whispered conversations among the adults which ended with Joel's parents dragging him away after he was forced to apologies to her. And that was the last she ever saw of them. Her parents had explained to her with tears in their eyes that she should not listen to the rumblings of the unruly teenager because she was their darling daughter and nothing would ever change that. Of course she believed them and they loved her even more. Her life went back to normal and she could not remember a single day when she was alone or when she felt neglected.
Though she never mentioned the Joel incident ever again, she never forgot. She would often wonder if that was her truth. Every time she looked at herself in the mirror, she would observe how different she was from the rest of her family. Like how taller she was, her eyes which were a deep shade of green while her mother's was a unique shade of brown and her father and brother a clear blue. How her mouth creased and her eyes lit up when she smiled while her mother's smile was more serene and could light up the whole house. On one occasion, she even noticed that her dental formula looked different from the rest.
Deep down though, she knew she was not biologically part of this amazing family. She had always wondered if Joel was right but that was a cruel reality she wasn't ready to face. But then, she would convince herself that she really needed to know the truth and the only way to find out is to ask. More times than she cared to admit, she had chickened out from asking because she didn't want to see her mother cry again. She always swallowed her questions and promised herself she will ask next time.
When she received her appointment letter, she was ecstatic and everyone in the family was genuinely happy for her. Her dad who was the family drama queen even shed a few tears because 'his little princess was all big now before they had a chance to visit Disneyland and fend off giant enemies'. They had wanted to come with her to help her settle but she had pleaded to go alone because 'she was an adult now and she needed to learn to face life as an adult. They had reluctantly relented after she promised to call at every stop and update them on each and every step she took with her father threatening to go after her if she didn't call for half a day.
And so as she drove to her new life as a working woman in a place she had never been before, she wondered if she will ever know the truth about herself. What she didn't know was that the truth was closer to home more than she could ever dream of. And the kind of truth that she was about to face was going to turn her life topsy-turvy in a way that she could never have imagined. Not even in her wildest dream. If she had known the horrors that were waiting for her, she would have made an illegal U-turn, gone back home and changed her career, maybe just lock herself in her room and stayed there forever. Nothing and no one could have prepared her for the turn her life was about to take.