The concept that people have about you is different depending on the person.
People don't always think the same about you, so I was curious to know what some people, not very close people, thought about me. I wanted to know how they saw me; I didn't desire verbal responses for that reason; I decorated a sheet and asked some people to write how they saw me, how they would describe me. On the other hand, I was sure that they would write mostly positive things to avoid possible uncomfortable situations; but I would have liked them to be 100% sincere. I understand that just like me, they don't want problems or inconvenience. Well, back to the sheet, only nine people wrote on it; however, that was enough for me; this's the way they described me from their point of view:
. You're serious but fun, a person you can always trust.
. You are an excellent, humble, fun, loving person.
. A wonderful person, sometimes tender; responsible, even if you don't know something, you try hard, optimistic.
. You are a great person with values, intelligent, cute, friendly, calm, honest.
. You are a good and educated girl. Sometimes a bit bossy but, you calm down everything is normal. (I liked the fact that she said that to my face and did not bother to write a fault.)
. You are very cute, neat and smart.
. You are a tough, bold, honest girl; character motivates me to be someone like you; your heart is fair, loyal, and admirable.
In summary, they saw me as a very good girl, though there's no one completely good or bad, which I liked, that's why sometimes I read that sheet again; not because I like to feel or want the acceptance of everyone. It makes me interesting, as while I looked at myself badly or with many flaws, they found me many qualities leaving aside anything like appearance.
I didn't live or spend a lot of time with them but, with the little time that we shared, they brought out many good aspects, things that may be part of my mask; but, some are part of my true self.
Some people don't like you for different reasons or maybe for nothing, but that's okay because that is their opinion, and you aren't like they think you are.
On the other hand, some people did not like me but, that was not a bad thing, on the contrary, it was something very normal not only for me but for all people; but when I was around I heard them murmur about me and that was not just me, that was the case with other people as well.
Time for an anecdote:
In December, there was a Christmas carol contest. I decided to participate; in the past, I hadn't done so. In the beginning, we all practiced with the teacher so she could hear how we were doing; after school, the teacher couldn't stay, so we practiced alone.
One day, one of the girls wanted to listen to us again to select who would do the solos. They made me sing all the songs; however, they didn't choose me; that was great for me since sometimes I get nervous in front of many people.
What angered me was that she began to tell low how my voice was too low and ugly. She said that comment with a mocking voice and an annoying face. Also, she wasn't the one in charge of choosing or the leader, but they all gave her the yes to avoid problems; her words annoyed me since that was only her opinion, not that of the group or the teacher and also the fact that I did not he said to the face.
Her behavior towards me bothered me a lot. Her behavior at that time was the result; that on one occasion, I didn't agree with her and her opinion about something due to like anyone else, I had my idea, but it seems that she doesn't like it. In the end, I left the team, but when the team went to the next round, they asked me to come back because they said I had a good voice, and she only told me with an uncomfortable face to raise the volume of my voice a little which I did but not much because later my throat hurt.
I'm not going to say that I always tell the people what bothers me about them.
Sometimes, I silenced my opinion to maintain harmony and avoid problems.
That bothers me a lot because I had a tremendous urge to scream how much those things bothered me.
Many times I felt so upset. I thought I was going to explode, but I used all my patience and self-control not to do it; when you are upset, what you want to say ends up coming out as something different; due to the frustration, anger, and annoyance. For that reason, every time I want to say something, I try to be calm and that it does not sound like a complaint; it is something like what I did with my soulmate and other people.
But again, my thoughts are the same.
Going back to my question and maybe the answer is obvious. My feelings aren't relevant to those people because they're practically strangers in my life, and I'm not related to them in any way; their indifference or the fact that they can't see so much under my mask seems normal to me. That doesn't generate any feeling of sadness in me.
On the contrary, I know; there have been times when a mere stranger has cared more for another stranger than their close ones.
I'm grateful that wasn't my case. I believe that my case has been the opposite; I've been the stranger. That's because I like to help people with what little I can; in my opinion, the only thing I can do for a stranger is to listen to him or her because sometimes you want to get rid of your problems and be heard.
Have you ever do something like that? Were you the strange person? Or were you the person with problems?