POV: Siobhan
Sadness. Crushing, overwhelming sadness is all I have left. This place seems to suck away any other emotions pretty fast until sadness is all you have left.
I don't know what I am supposed to be, or what I am supposed to do. All I know is that when a memory calls I have to relive it. Honestly, the memories are kind of nice because for a while it takes me away from the sadness. For a while, they allow me to forget, not that there is much to remember.
the only thing I can experience here is gray, one that is as boring as it is depressing. I feel like there's someone I need to see or something I need to do, but I can't. The only thing I can do is wait for a memory to pull me away from this torture.
I am in luck, I can feel the pull towards another memory, and I must always heed the call.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Okay, step down. Only two more stairs to go. No peeking. " I'm having a hard time forcing Ethan to give up his Alpha instincts and let me have control over even one date.
I am also having trouble keeping this news from him. I want to try to ease him into the news that we are having our first pup. As absolutely positive I am that Ethan will be an amazing dad, I know he still has a little bit of hesitation about starting our family quite yet. He doesn't believe in himself the way I believe in him, though I know he will come around in time.
That is why I have set up this extremely cheesy date because I need to ease him into this news. We had agreed to wait a couple of years before having a pup, so the news came as a shock to me too, but after the shock wore off all I had left was excitement about our growing family.
"Shiv, what do you have planned?" His voice glides over me like a symphony, filling me with fresh excitement about the direction our life has taken us. I truly love this man with my whole being and I feel completely confident in saying that even if we were humans we would've found our way together.
"You'll find out," I tell him with a full-blown smile on my face. "Step down." I am already down the stairs attempting to pull my willful Alpha down behind me. He isn't resisting in any meaningful way. As much as he likes to give me a hard time, I know he loves me and if I am excited to plan a date then he is excited to enjoy the date I have planned.
I look out at what I've done to the living room of our house and smile with uncontained excitement. I told everyone to stay away for the night and turned the living room into a movie theater. I brought tons of pillows and blankets and put them on the floor, turned the coffee table into a snack bar complete with candy, popcorn, snacks, and drinks, and placed the movie I made into the DVD player.
I am so ready. I feel like I might burst into flames of excitement, and I know Ethan can feel it through the bond, but I'm sure he thinks I am just excited to spend quality time with him. I am, of course, but tonight is also when I get to tell him the big news.
I think we're ready to handle this next step. Yeah, we didn't plan on having a pup yet, but I think after we've both had some time to adjust to the idea this will become a fond memory. I just hope Ethan doesn't completely freak out.
We're young parents, even by werewolf standards, but I think that the two of us together are strong enough to survive anything. I'm so excited to watch Ethan grow into becoming the dad and Alpha I always knew he was capable of being.
Ethan has finally made it down the stairs, so I lead him over to the pillows and blankets I set up on the floor and make him sit.
"Shiv, can I take this off now?" Every time I hear his voice it's like a velvety chocolate waterfall that cascades over me. I still get butterflies, even after seven years together and I can't imagine that there will be a time when this man's voice doesn't make me shiver.
"Almost, you impatient thing! I swear you drive me crazy." I laugh as I lean over to the coffee table, grab a bowl of popcorn and the DVD player remote, and put the popcorn on his lap.
Ethan is confused but he accepts the popcorn bowl I gave him. I'm sure he would have a snarky reply but I cut off whatever he would say by pulling off the blindfold I put on him.
Ethan looks around at what I've done with the living room and I take the opportunity just to stare at him. After a quick survey of the room, his blue eyes finally met mine and I could instantly feel all the tension leave my body. "Wow Shiv, this is awesome," he breathes out huskily.
Holy everything, how did I get so lucky? I would give anything to be able to stretch this moment out into infinity. His husky voice drives me crazy and he knows it. I can't hold back a shiver of delight and Ethan wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a quick kiss.
"I'm really glad I let you pry me from my desk." He says when he pulls back from my mouth.
I smile indulgently at him, "I think that's a bit of an understatement Eth. If I had to try any harder to get you away from that desk I'm pretty sure I would have to be jealous." I put on my best haughty heiress voice, from one of the many terrible reality tv shows that Ethan and I watch together. "After all, what does she have that I don't? Is this because I have a pulse and I'm not made of wood?" I know I'm being a dork, but I feel a familiar rush of love flow through our mate bond at my outlandish behavior.
Instead of a verbal reply, Ethan leans in and kisses me passionately. Our mouths mold together for a glorious moment before I push him back. We're both breathless when we part. I place my hand on his chest to maintain the distance between us, even though I'm more than tempted to continue. I have to remember why I'm doing this.
He gives me a sexy growl from the back of his throat that actually makes me want to forget about all the effort I've put into this date and instead spend some one-on-one time together in our bedroom. "Eth, I put so much effort into this date, I won't let you ruin it just because you're irresistible," I say.
He has a smirk on his lips as he responds, "So you admit, I'm irresistible."
I roll my eyes at him but still smile playfully. "I'm ignoring you and starting the movie now." I press play on the DVD remote and try to ignore his heated gaze on the side of my head.
I snuggled further into Ethan's arms as the video began and for the next hour, we were entranced with the old home videos I cut together for us to watch.
I made a video of all our nostalgic videos and pictures: pictures of the house I moved into when I was eleven, my first timid stalker pics of the cute Alpha's son who lived next door, some scans of the notes and poems Ethan used to write me, video clips from our first date, when he asked me to prom, when he asked me to mate with him, our mating ceremony video, and many more. Throughout the video, our bond is flooded with so many emotions from both of us and I am awed by how special it is to get to sit here and watch this with him. I included some videos that I knew he would find embarrassing, and I am entranced by the way the tips of his ears flush cherry red, even after all this time.
Once all the videos had finished playing, the screen fades to black for a second before it starts up again, this time it's just pictures. First, there is a picture of me holding a positive pregnancy test over my belly followed by the three sonogram pictures I have of our baby. I stop the video and sit up on my knees in front of him.
Ethan is still staring at the tv screen in shock, so I decided to gently pull out the sonogram pictures I had in my back pocket and show them to him. "I'm pregnant, we're going to be parents," I say gently.
Ethan numbly accepts the pictures I hold out to him. I am starting to get worried about him and I try to check in on him through our mate bond, but I feel nothing as if Ethan is truly numb and emotionless right now.
This is not the reaction I was expecting at all. For years Ethan and I have been talking about the whole litter of pups we want to have together. We both come from small families and have always wanted a big family together. I mean sure, I don't know if either of us expected it to be right this moment, but I thought we were ready.
I find myself fighting back distraught sobs, my emotional side is taking his poor reaction very badly.
He's looking at me in shock, so I start nervously rambling and pointing to the picture. "According to the doc, this little lump right here is our baby. Do you remember how I was feeling under the weather last week? Well, surprise, apparently our baby is already trying to make life hard for me, I mean, it's yours so no surprise there I guess." The longer he keeps staring at me blankly the harder it is not to burst into tears and run away. All of my previous excitement has turned into perceived rejection from the father of my baby.
Ethan must feel my negative emotions through our bond and he finally breaks through his shock. "Parents?" He says.
I nod slowly, my eyes beginning to water. My hand moves down to cradle my stomach before I carefully pull up my shirt so he can see my tummy. For now, my stomach is still flat, but soon it will be obvious that I am carrying my mate's child. Ethan slowly and gently places his palm over my stomach, still in disbelief at the news I'm presenting to him. "A pup?" He questions, "You're pregnant?" I nod at him again and place my free hand over his.
Ethan surprises me then bu suddenly snapping into action and pulling me into his lap in a tight hug. Ethan buried his face in my neck and breathed in heavily. "We're going to be parents.I'm going to be a dad." For the first time, I could hear the excitement in his voice and I could also feel the beginnings of his excitement through our bond.
When Ethan pulled back to meet my eyes, I can see wonder and amazement reflected back at me. "I love you," I whisper at him.
Ethan pulled me back into him and squeezed me tight. "I fucking love you so much, you have no idea," he whispered in my ear.
This time, when he pulled away from our hug he focused his attention on my stomach, and he began to talk to my flat stomach. "Hi baby, I'm your dad. I love you and your mom so much it scares me sometimes."
Through our bond, I can see some of the things running through Ethan's head. He is hoping we have a girl that looks just like me. He is picturing our daughter dragging him to tea parties and dress up games, which he would enjoy without complaint. I want to laugh at the funny mental images, but I am overwhelmed by my emotions. I knew he would be an amazing dad.
I ran my hands through Ethan's silky black hair and for a while we just stared at each other in amazement. We were tuned into each other's thoughts and for a while, we didn't need to talk.
He pulls away slightly and kisses me softly, "How can I ever repay you for everything? You've given me everything I would ever need in life. You are everything." His eyes are deep pools of love, and I know I have the rest of my life to explore their depths. I actually have to struggle not to break down in emotional tears after seeing the sincerity in his eyes.
I pretend to consider for a moment as I rub my chin with my hand before I reply, "How about you carry me to bed and promise to cuddle with me for the rest of our lives?"
He also pretends to consider for a moment before his eyes grow mischievous. Heat floods our bond and his eyes darken in desire. "Counteroffer: we have a clothing-optional cuddle session AND I make you breakfast tomorrow."
I laugh a bit at the thought of him actually attempting to make breakfast in the morning. Ethan is a terrible cook and I would likely end up actually being the one to make us food. "Well, normally I don't negotiate with terrorists," I respond, "but I think I'll make an exception for you, Alpha," I added emphasis to the word Alpha and bit my lip in the way I know drives my mate crazy in order to get the reaction I wanted from him.
Exactly as I was hoping he would, Ethan stood up from the floor and held out a hand to help me up as well. Sensing what we both wanted, as soon as I was up I jumped up into Ethan's arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him passionately. Ethan, for his part, ran up to our room and kicked the door shut behind us.
Let's just say cuddling isn't the only thing that we did that night.