I hesitated. Should I really mail this invitation?
'Do it,'said the voice in my mind. 'Before you lose your mind,go on.'
So I did. I dropped the invitation to my cookie dinner in the mailbox before I lost my nerve.
You might be wondering why mailing an invitation would make me lose my nerve. It is not so much as fear that my cookies will be judged over the fear on how the person will react.
She had been my friend once. But she no longer is one. We were both at fault at this though more mine than hers.
It was due to the event that happened years ago. When we were still 27. Now 3 years later,I have decided to make things right.
Moving away from the mailbox,I walked to my bakery,also my home. Days passed and the responses,all positive and encouraging kept arriving.
The most important one had no answer though. She must have surely received it.
Whether or not she will come though,remains to be seen.
'Live with it,Regine Madsen. This was your fault,'said that voice in my mind.
'I know,'I said aloud.
The day of my cookie dinner arrived. The ones are invited were those with sweet teeth.
It was a blur. Smiles were given. Hands were shaken.
Until I saw her. Moira O'Donoghue. My friend. My lost friend. The friend I betrayed.
"I didn't think you'd come,"I said.
She had not given me her hand to shake. Nor a smile.
"You know me,I cannot resist anything sweet,"she answered.
"It has been 3 years since then. I assumed everything changed. Especially since-"
"I don't really want to talk about it. I came here for sweet things not bitterness."
'Maybe you should have eased her into it first. Let her eat from your dinner,'my mind said.
'Shut up. The only reason I made this event was to see her. And tell her I'm sorry. And at least explain my side of things,'I said.
For it was the truth. I would not have made this event had it not been for Moira.
She has to know my side of what happened long ago. For both our sakes.
"I hope you are all having a good time. Enjoy the free cookies. And be sure to spread the word,"I said,pasting a smile on my face.
Everyone scrambled for the table. Even Moira,though she did it with more dignity.
She always had dignity. Which is why I admired her,still admire her and will admire her so.
They all ate. I did not. I had a heavy dinner before this.
Rule # 1 when promoting your food,don't eat it.
So I watched everyone eat. But I kept straying my eyes to Moira's direction.
She took one of the cookies. Peanut butter fudge,her favorite. Our favorite. Any other time,I would have smiled.
She bit into it cautiously. Then began to devour it. She took another piece. And another.Not much has changed then.
In horror,I felt tears about to stream down my cheeks.
'Not here,not now. Plenty of time for that later,'my mind stated.
I steeled myself.
The night went on. The cookies began to disappear. And the guests began to dwindle.
I thought every guest had disappeared,so I proceeded to take the tins to the washing area.
"Do you need help?"asked Moira.
"You're still here?"I asked,glad I kept hold on the tins.
I could have dropped them. And considering that I paid a lot to have them made,that would not be good.
"Yes,"she answered.
"Why?"I asked.
"You should get all that needs to be done first. That way you'll not be distracted while we are talking. Do you need help?"
So she remembered that I tended to be distracted when things are supposed to be done and not yet done.
"No. I can do things by myself,"I said.
"I'll be waiting in the lounge then,"she said.
She moved to the lounge.
I busied myself taking the tins to the washing area,sweeping the dining room and shaking out the tablecloth. When all of that was done,I moved to the lounge.
I sat warily across from Moira.
"Why-"I said.
"Why-"she said at the same time.
"You go first,"I said.
"Why did you invite me here?"
"Because you deserve to know what really happened."
"Alright. What did happen?"
"It's not what you thought,believe me!"
"What was I supposed to think?! I caught you in bed naked with my fiance!"
"Your fiance forced me to drink something drugged! After that,he raped me!"
That was when my eyes spilled the tears that they had been threatening to spill the whole night. That shocked her,I could tell,the statement,I mean. She had already seen me cry lots of times.
"Why didn't you tell me?"she asked.
"Because you loved him. I decided to shoulder the blame,"I answered.
"Even so,you should have. Not the day afterward but perhaps a week or two afterward."
"I wanted to. But something got in the way."
"What got in the way?"
"I was pregnant. That day,I packed my things and left London and moved here to the country. I had an abortion along the way. And I also have a therapist.
I was still crying. I could not forgive myself. To my surprise,she was crying too.
"I wish I'd been here,"she said.
"You were also pained,"I said.
"Do your parents know?"
"My therapist,you,me and God are the only ones who know this."
"What happened after?"
"I bled horribly. After that,I decided to turn this place into a bakery. I continued with the job I left behind in London,just switched it's location."
"That's nice."
"What about you?"
"I broke off my engagement. If you couldn't tell."
That was true. She had no wedding ring.
"Why?"
"Because I found out that he had a rape case where he did not get jailed."
"I wasn't the only one."
"Yes. Now,what was your question?"
"Why did you go here?"
"Because my best friend sent an invitation. I wanted to know how she's doing."
Her use of present tense was not lost on me. That was when I hugged her. She hugged me back.
"So,shall we catch up tomorrow?"she asked,still holding me but distancing herself so she could talk to me.
"Yes,"I answered.
'I told you it would all turn out well,'my mind said.
'Yes,you did,'I answered.
"I have to go. See you tomorrow,"she said.
"See you,"I said.
And even as I closed the door on my best friend,I smiled. This was not like the last time,where we were both crying. This time,we are both smiling. And hoping. Hoping for the sweetness again.