The new house is small.
We moved into one of my grandmothers' rentals that she'd been advertising forever. It isn't all that bad though, I have my own room at least, and there's a nice kitchen. So far I've been able to keep it clean which amazes me more than it should.
Teri was very excited to see us, regardless of the circumstance. She wrapped me in a big hug as soon as I got out of the car and rushed to show me my new home. I loved her so much and really hoped we would get to spend time together now that we're here.
That was two weeks ago, and I haven't seen my grandmother since. Mom says she got into trouble with Ben for giving us a place. I should go over there soon.
My mom has been doing better than I could've imagined, honestly. She hasn't had a sip to drink that I've seen, and so far the drugs haven't made an appearance either. She even cooks for me most nights. I feel like a little girl again, and I'm just waiting for the moment it all stops. I'll enjoy it while it lasts though, take what I can get.
This morning I woke up pretty early, six, actually. I haven't been able to sleep much, I get too uncomfortable in new places. I got up and decided that a shower sounded nice. So here I am, at six-thirty in the morning, scratching shampoo into my hair as the water splashes against my cold body. I turned the dial as far to the warm side as I could and it still doesn't feel hot enough, I should probably tell Mom the water doesn't work well.
There was a knock at the bathroom door, making me jump and clutch the shower curtain against my chest. I peek around the corner of it and call out a tired "yeah?".
"Can I come in? I just need to get something quick before I run to the store." Mom calls from the cracked open bathroom door.
"Go ahead, and if you're going can you please grab some better body wash?" I stare at the crusty green bar of soap in my hand and listen to her shuffle in. She mumbles a quick agreement and continues to go about her search. I wonder what she's looking for, I can hear her scrambling through the totes underneath the sink and I push the curtain to the side just enough to peer out of it.
The tiny woman is sitting on her knees, digging for something. She really is small, I swear she looks like a child, if only she were that innocent. With that thought, there was a pause, and she takes a sigh of relief. She found whatever it was she was looking for and starts to stand. I shrink further back so she won't catch a glimpse of my peeking eyes. I watch and she shoves a little baggy of something into her pocket. I don't have to look any closer to guess what it is.
She walks out, happy as can be. I stare at the door, feeling my heart drop.
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I eventually came to and finished the shower. Climbing out and padding to my room, I throw on whatever clean sweatpants I can find, and an overused sweatshirt. I could really go for a shopping spree right about now, and a coffee. I know I can make the coffee here, and at least save some money. The rest will have to wait.
Once I make it to the kitchen I immediately find out my plans have been changed. The shopping list sat on the counter, along with my moms' card. It's been a good hour since I last saw my mom, so I know she isn't planning on going to the store any time soon. I sigh and snatch a paper towel from the roll, and grab the credit card to wipe it down because God knows it's not sitting here for the groceries.
Swiping up the list and my purse, I head out to find the store.
Thank the lord this town is small enough to throw a rock and hit the edge of it because not having a car is... rough.
I don't know much about the area, but I did find a gas station and a couple of little knick-knack shops. The closest Walmart is about thirty minutes away, and so is the high school I'm supposed to start at in about a month. I haven't been able to meet hardly anyone yet, which is fine, but being around my mother gets a little lonely. And it's about to get lonelier.
It didn't take long to find the gas station and quickly learn that it was not going to have everything I needed. Glancing down at the list for the fourth time in a row, I just keep thinking of where my mom must be. I mean I know, or at least can safely assume, but I don't want to believe it. She'd been doing so well. It's only been two weeks, but it feels like it's been forever and it's just been so... nice. I feel my eyes start to sting just a little, and I shut down the thoughts.
I look up at the shelf finally, but still not seeing what I need. I stare at the list one more time.
Milk
Eggs
Syrup
Chocolate chips (for Bean)
Body Wash
Bean was the nickname my mom had for me when I was little, and I haven't heard her say it since I was probably ten years old. I didn't even think she remembered. My chest gets tight, and my heart starts beating faster. I shove the list in my pocket.
I decide to just grab what I can, and just head back home.
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The walk home wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, granted I did only get a few things.
I plop the bags down on the counter and begin to put everything away, hoping maybe I can make something nice for dinner. It could possibly make Mom not want to go on a three-week bender. I giggle to myself for even thinking that. Nonetheless, I pull the chicken out of the freezer to thaw for tonight. Just as I get the hot water running I see the car pull into the patchy concrete we call a driveway. You could say it had a rough landing. She slams on the breaks and almost immediately hops out of the vehicle, then seemingly has a mission to make it inside the house.
"Hey baby, did you have a good mornin'?" She sings, kicking off her shoes and flopping down on the couch.
"I guess so, I couldn't really find anything I needed at the store, I'll probably need to head into the city later to get the rest." She sits up and gives me a concerned look.
"I'm sorry hun, maybe we could make a little trip out of it this afternoon. Let me get some things taken care of and we'll head right there. We can even get you some new clothes for school and some shit for your room, cause I know you've been wanting to decorate." She's so cheerful, has a little gleam in her eyes, even as her nose starts to bleed a bit. She notices and grabs a tissue from the stand next to her, with no shame whatsoever.
"Yeah, that sounds great. I'd love that." I say half-heartedly, because I know how this ends, every time. Maybe this time could be different though... I could say something, let her know I care, maybe even send her to rehab and really switch her life up once and for all. But where would I find the money... and how would I even convince her...
"Hey, Mom, can we talk? I-" Her reply is the slam of the front door, as she skips off by herself, on the phone with someone.
I decide to try later, I have to.