My eyes are wide, my hair is frazzled and my lipstick smeared.
Crap.
That hookup destroyed me - it's like a hurricane that ripped through my soul, leaving me bereft in its wake and in tattered pieces. I'm still staring wide-eyed at his prone, sleeping form while I am trying to put myself back together and in some semblance of a working order.
Once I do, I put my clothes on with lightning speed I am surprised I possess given the fact that my limbs feel boneless and are protesting with each movement.
I am utterly spent and thoroughly ravaged.
I give myself a quick glance to make sure that my outward appearance doesn't show as bewildered as I currently feel, and after realizing that it's a losing battle, I give up on fussing over my looks and unlock the door of the room.
I give the man one last look, letting out a long appreciative sigh at the sight before me. Tearing myself from the view, I force my feet forward and walk back to the bar where I should have been working for the last half hour.
Not that I would ever regret those minutes. We may have been short on time, but that didn't prevent me from reaching my peak.
Several. Times. Over.
At some point I could have sworn he was speaking in tongues, and although I couldn't understand his words it had sounded like a question. So I drowned out his mutterings with a resounding yes, vocalizing my agreement and full support of his skills. I reveled in the new heights he brought me to, and I might be hanging on to that memory for a very long time to come.
Mike is nowhere in sight, so that and the fact that things still appear to be running smoothly, I take it as a sign that my absence was not felt. There are a couple other people working here tonight as well, but Mike and I have really grown to be a team over the past month. We have a natural flow when working together.
I pop back behind the bar, and now that the countdown has ended it looks like less people are interested in ordering drinks and are starting to clear out. It seems brighter in here than before, and I quickly survey the room through narrowed eyes as I notice that there are bright balls of light floating near the ceiling that I failed to notice previously.
I make the drinks for those who are still rallying, taking a shot or two with those who want me to celebrate with them. Mike comes back in time to join in on one of those and we hook our arms around each other before tossing back the liquor, appreciating the burn as it goes down my throat and helps me stay rooted to reality. My mind keeps straying to my unexpected one night stand, who may or may not still be sleeping in the break room and I am questioning how to face him after leaving him in the room like that.
So after we make the last call and kick the lingering customers out, I take my time cleaning with Mike by my side, dancing to the music and sipping on some champagne that was leftover from tonight's New Year's Eve celebration. It's not the brand the boss typically stocks this place with, so I see it as us doing him a favor by taking it off his hands.
By 3AM, Mike and I are the last in the pub and feeling proud of our hard work tonight, I give Mike a bright smile and raise my hand to give him a fist bump which he returns in kind.
"What time are you leaving, Meridian?" He asks me while running his fingers through his golden blonde locks.
I glance out the time and let out a breath. "Oh, in about five hours," I tell him with a click of my tongue and shrug of my shoulders.
"Oof," he says with a grimace. "That's brutal. Are you going to be okay?"
I brush him off with a careless wave of my hand. "I'll be fine, I can handle it."
"Where did you say you were going again?"
"I didn't, actually," I say with a crooked smile. "But since it's winter, I am a little limited on where I can go. So I think my next direction will be all the way west to explore the Pacific Northwest. I want to see the redwoods, wander up the Pacific Coast and hopefully find one of those hot, glittery vampires," I joke, and Mike chokes on a laugh before looking at me strangely.
I thought I heard a noise coming from the back hallway, so my ears perk up as I listen for any other sounds. Not hearing anything else, I shrug it off and shift my attention back to Mike.
"I didn't take you as a Twilight fan," he says.
"I'm not, but I'll try anything once," I say with a snort. "And after trying Twilight, you won't catch me watching that crap again...hey, wait - wasn't there a Mike in those movies?" I ask, widening my eyes and fighting a smile.
'Shit, don't remind me. What terrible acting." Mike says with a shake of his head, trying to rid his mind of the terrible scenes or in embarrassment that he also watched it - I'll never know.
"Anyway," I start while walking back to the break room and Mike joins me at my side. "I don't think I'll be running into any of the Cullens on my trip - but, I am really looking forward to it. I'm going to start in the Puget Sound, near the Canada border, and make my way south slowly. By then I'll probably be running out of money, so who knows, you might see me back here in a few months. Boss said he would hire me back anyway."
"Really?" he asks with excitement, and I am happy for making such a great friend in a short amount of time.
"Yes, really," I tell him with a grin. We reach the door to the break room, and I swallow nervously as Mike turns the handle and pushes open the door. My breath catches in my throat as the door swings back and I don't let it out until I see that the room is empty. Blissfully empty.
Although a piece of me is almost disappointed that I won't see him again, I am happy to avoid the awkward encounter and the embarrassing explanation I would have had to give to Mike.
"Okay, phew," he says in relief, not noticing the panic attack I just nearly avoided myself. "Because I really am going to miss you."
I put a finger on my lip for a moment while looking at him. "Tell you what," I say while putting on my coat. "I'll stay in touch with you along the way so that when I get back it will be like I never left."
"You better," Mike says while fixing me with a hard look.
I salute him with two of my fingers to my temple. "Promise," I say and give him a wink for good measure.
We say our goodbyes, and although he looks like he has more to say, I remind him of my promise before giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
I fire up the 4Runner, waiting for the car to warm up before heading back to the cabin one last time. I grab as many zzzz's as I can - clocking in at about four and a half hours of sleep before putting my bags in my car and hitting the road once more.
The farther I get, the more my heart seems to split in two. And although I am completely bewildered by the feeling, I chalk it up to me knowing that I am leaving a place behind that speaks to my soul in ways I didn't expect. The evergreen forests that are too thick to see the sky through, the lakes that reach so far they look like the sea, and the people that make you feel like you are returning home every time they greet you with a smile - all of it makes for one unforgettable experience.
And even though a midnight dalliance with a man with dark raven hair, forest green eyes and a wicked smile flashes in my head, I ignore the simultaneous ache of loss and well of fondness that rises. Instead, I choose to ignore the copious emotions in favor of moving forward and not being held back anymore.