She loves autumn.
Because it's the only time when she thought that she wasn't alone. It made her feel like everything was dying with her, as she was dying slowly and painfully.
So yellow, so orange yet so sorrowful.
She knew that she was at the last stage and no one could save her. And maybe she doesn't want to be saved anymore. She doesn't know and she never figured it out.
She was lost in her thoughts that she didn't even hear someone coming into her room.
"How are you doing??" She jumped at the voice. She looked behind and saw her best friend standing there, leaning on the door. A small smile playing on his lips as he looked at her,
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you," he explained. She was always like that lost in her thoughts, admiring everything around her.
"It's fine." She reassured him and gave him a small smile. She was feeling good now as he was here, he visited her daily. They were best friends since they were in their diapers, they did everything together, from taking their first step to graduating from high school. They were inseparable.
Their mothers always made fun of them that if they go like this at the end they will find no one and will end up with each other. Their families were so close because of them that they celebrate everything together as a family. Their fathers watched a football match sitting on the couch, cheering loudly. Their mothers cooking, and gossiping and their siblings playing with each other.
They were all happy together. Were.
"So... How's it going???" He asked again.
"I'm dying, what do you expect me to answer?" she stated bitterly. She didn't want to snap at him, but she was getting tired with everyone asking the same question again and again. People were treating her like a fragile doll, one wrong and she will break.
He knew he shouldn't have asked her these types of questions. But he couldn't help himself. He was hurting from inside. It was really painful to watch your best friend die in front of you. It was taking a troll on everybody. Their once happy family wasn't the same before.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked that," he was feeling guilty, he wanted to take her pain away if only he could.
"No! I'm sorry. I know that you came here for me." She smiled sadly.
He can tell from her face that she was sad. It's been a while since she smiled, she used to be happy, she used to smile and laugh, but it just seems like she forced herself to smile.
But can we blame her? After hearing that you're gonna die at some time, that all your dreams were just useless, you have only a few times left. Anyone could break.
"Hey! come on now! CHEER UP! Look, I even bought you your favorite chocolate." He said cheering her up. He knew that she loves chocolate so much that it would instantly light her mood. And damn he was right." And I even bought your favorite movie so we're going to watch this movie while eating this whole box of chocolates" he cheered her up. He brought these because he wanted to spend time with her like old-times, before this fu**ing disease took everything away.
Her face broke into a grin, seeing her best friend trying to distract her. And it worked.
They watched while holding each other. Because they know their time was limited that's why they wanted to spend most of it with each other. Pretending that they could stay like this
For forever.
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
He knew it's gonna happen but it still hurt like hell. He came to meet her every day like before. He was in college now but his heart was hollow inside like he died with her.
The letter was in his pocket. He wrote it when they were in sophomore, he was going to give it to her and confessed that he was in love with her.
Yes! He loved her. How can he not when she was his day and night. She was the sun in his dark and gloomy life.
But that was also when she gave him a friendship band which she made herself one for him and one for herself. She was so happy that day, she said that it shows that their friendship will be forever.
The forever word seems funny to him now. A tear rolled down his face when he remembered the day when she took her last breath. She died in his arms. She went so peacefully.
He was sitting beside her hospital bed, her hand in his. She called him and said thank you to be there for her always, she told me to move on living my life. Before she took her last breath she gave me her million-dollar smile and she numb in my arms.
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
He was going away, he was shifting from this town. He couldn't live here anymore, everything reminds him of her like a movie playing in front of his eyes again and again.
He was packing his stuff when his mother entered his room.
"Are you sure you wanna do this?" She wanted to be sure that his son was making the right decision. She knew how much he loved her no matter how much hides it from the world but she could see it in his eyes.
"Mom, we have already talked about this okay! I am going there for my studies. And besides, you were the one who told me that I needed a change" he didn't look in her eyes, lying to his mother was never an easy thing.
"Okay! If that's what you want but her mother is waiting for you downstairs. She wanted to talk to you before you go" when she didn't receive a response from him she went from there.
He took a breath he didn't know he was holding, he didn't meet her family after her funeral. He wasn't ready to face them.
He came downstairs after preparing himself to face his mother. She was sitting with his mother like old times, but only he could wish it was like old times.
"I am gonna make coffee till then why don't you two patch up?" his mother excused herself leaving them to talk alone.
There was silence between them, this was the first time he was feeling awkward in front of her. "So it seems you are ready to take off and start a chapter of your life, I am happy for you. It feels like yesterday when you were a little child" she was smiling but her inside was breaking. She has already lost her daughter and now he was going away too, he was always like a son to her.
"Yeah! There is nothing for me here" he took a deep breath, "And it would be a fresh start for me" he paused "maybe help me forget her" he whispered.
They were silent again, both lost for words.
He cleared his throat, "I should go now, I still have some things to pack" he got up from there. He wanted to get away from there, it was too much for him. But his whole body froze when he heard her mother's words.
"she knew about your feelings,... she knew, she knew" there were tears in her eyes. She has promised her daughter that she will not tell him but she couldn't take it anymore.
He turned towards her, his heart was pounding in his chest, his hands were shaking. "what do you mean? What are you trying to say?"
"she knew about your feelings and when she realized that she loved you too she wanted to tell you but before she could tell you, she found out about her cancer" her mother was crying now " it was then she decided that she won't tell you anything, she never wanted to hurt you that's why she decided to hide it from you" her mother was sobbing heavily now.
His whole body froze, tears were flowing down his eyes. He couldn't believe his ears. His love, his everything...
"No… no … NO, NO, NO" he was yelling by now, his tears weren't ceasing, it felt like his whole body was hurting. He didn't know what to do, so he ran, he ran and ran till he was standing in front of her grave. He fell on his knees and screamed his lungs out.
Maybe for some…. there's no forever after.
The End…