"There is someone I would like you to meet" my mother said as we sat on the dinning table to eat that evening, after making dinner.
The moment those words came out of her mouth, I just gave up on dinner, because I knew the direction this conversation was going to take.
"Coco did you hear what I said?" She asked, after waiting for me to say something, and I didn't.
"Sorry were you talking to me?" I feigned seriousness, more like I was intrigued with whatever was in front of me, which actually was just my plate of food.
"How many of us are here? Of course I'm talking to you, I said I want you to meet someone"
"Oh okay, who is she?" I looked up from my plate, smiling at her.
"It's a he, why would I want you to meet a woman?" my mother asked me scrunching up her face like I just asked the dumbest question.
"What is wrong with meeting with a woman?" I asked, even though I knew my question was going to annoy her.
My mother sat still staring at me like I had suddenly grown two heads, she stared really hard at me, before asking;
"Coco are you a lesbian?"
I choked on the food I was eating, but my mother didn't bother to say sorry, as she waited for me to finish coughing and answer her question.
"You haven't still answered my question?" she said with a suspicious look on her face.
"No mummy I'm not, I'm completely straight" I replied her. "why would you even think I'm a lesbian?"
She didn't reply just continued eating her food, and after a while, she said;
"The person I want you to meet is a man, and he is an engineer, his wife just died and he is in search of a new wife, he is a good man, and he is also from our place"
My mother was all smiles as she talked about this man.
"Okay no problem, what do you need me to do for him, does he need a website designer for his business or something?" I pretended not to know the direction she was driving at.
The smile on my mother's face quickly vanished when she noticed I wasn't taking anything she was saying serious.
"No Coco! Everything is not always about work, you are meeting with him for a date, didn't you hear the part where I said he is looking for a wife?" She asked in annoyance.
"Mummy not again, I thought we have gone past this?"
"Gone past what? What exactly have we gone past? Don't you want to get married?"
"Mummy I have told you I will get married when the time is right, please let's stop this set up you always do whenever you come to Lagos, besides how do you even get to know these men?"
"Have you forgotten I have friends back in the village who have relatives in this Lagos?"
"Wait mummy, so you go about asking your friends if they have relatives who are in need of a wife, just so you can set me up with them?"
I couldn't believe this, every time my mother just keeps finding new ways to annoy me.
"Yes of course, since you have refused to bring a husband home, then I might as well just go and look for one for you"
"Mummy I am not that desperate for a man, for God's sake!"
"Well I am, Coco I am desperate, I'm desperate for you to get married, you are the only daughter I have, and there is nothing I wish more than to see you get married. in case you haven't noticed, age is no longer on your side, you are thirty Coco, do you know what that means? It means you are already on the shelf"
On the shelf? what does that even mean? I didn't bother asking her, because I know the answer is just going to annoy me more.
"Mummy I need you to...."
"No I need you to listen to me, and go out on a date with Ejiro, please I know it's not too much to ask, so please do it for me" she looked genuinely sad.
When my mom goes about things this way, it becomes difficult for me to say no.
"Okay I'll.."
"Very good, I knew you wouldn't refuse, I already set up a meeting for you two, tomorrow afternoon by 3pm"
she had that mischievous smile on her face, whenever she was up to something, that's usually the smile she wears.
"Mummy how could you do that, without even asking me first?"
"But I just did, and you agreed" she looked so innocent as she spoke.
"But that was after you had already set up a date!"
"Did I ask you about it, or not?"
"Yes you did but....."
"And did you agree to meet with him, or not?"
"Yes I did but.."
"No buts that settles it, you are meeting with Ejiro tomorrow"