Ted took another inhale of his cigarette. He was slightly irritated by the inmates down the hall making noise. "Clowns" he called them in his mind. He bared an angry look to himself, shook his head slightly and kept on writing, his cigarette wedged gently on his lower lip. There was so much time in prison to do nothing. It just passed by unproductively.
He received so much mail from people who had their own opinions about his crimes and wanted to make them known to him.
Many letters were from women with marriage proposals and nude photos. Ted grinned and blushed at a lot of them. Some were from Christians bringing him the message of Salvation. One was a doctor who wanted to trade brains. There were weird ones and normal ones.
Ted wrote many letters to friends, lawyers, and loved ones as well. Today in particular he was in a different mood. He decided to write out a poem. He had never tried poetry but was feeling his creative side showing on this particular day. His bony hands kept writing.
"This is no way to be
Man ought to be free
That man should be me.
Talk to the walls
Echoes down the halls
Dream of dreams
An allusion freedom seems
Write thoughts on paper by reams
Toilet flushes
Water gushes
Makes such a noise
Lack of privacy annoys
Nightime sounds
Jailer makes rounds
No freedom abounds
Prisoners are clowns"
Ted took another inhale from his cigarette and put it out, staring at his paper and thinking. He missed the freedom of women, wine, and sex. Skiing, canoeing, sailing and taking long drives at night.
All he had when he became tired of not having women around, and not being able to satisfy his sexual hunger behind bars, were the memories of the sex he had shared with his girlfriend Liz, and the sex he had with his victims.
Then there were also his other girlfriends that he dated here and there. He stretched hard. It felt good. He had been sitting on the floor next to his bed for some time thinking. He then yawned and continued on . . .
"So the night slowly passes
No wine or wine glasses
No girls to make passes
Just us caged asses
Cards are alright
I play them all night."
Ted placed the paper under his mattress and climbed up on his bed, staring at the wall his bed touched against. He let out a huge sigh and looked at all of the photos he had collected from people.
There was a photo of a little girl. She was only about six years old. He smiled a quick half smile at her photo. He could not stop shaking his foot off of the mattress. He rubbed his eyes slowly but firmly. Being in prison had severely disrupted his circadian rhythm and he had not gotten any sleep last night or today. The little girl's name was Rose.
Rose Bundy, Ted's daughter. Carol Anne Boone gave him the photo. He kept it right on his wall where he slept, or didn't sleep. He turned onto his back and let his eyes fall down towards the barred door of his cell. He could feel sleep finally start to take hold of him. He yawned again and raised his right arm above and placed it under his head while his other arm lay resting on his abdomen. It was 1:00 am.
He layed his foot off of his bed. It touched the cold, hard cement of his cell floor.
His mind drifted to his ex girlfriends, first to Diane. He closed that door long ago. The feeling of taking revenge on her and the satisfaction he felt from it had never died. There was no woman he had ever fallen for harder than Diane. Not even Liz. Then he thought of Elizabeth. He did love her very much. He kept wondering when she would pick up his calls or return his, or if she even would.
"Are you telling me that you're sick?" Her words echoed in his ears and ran through his head over and over again. It was something he never wanted out in the open for fear of losing her. He thought he could prevent that all from happening. He thought his secrets were well concealed after studying the tactics of investigators and cops for quite some time, years back. Ted layed there thinking about her in his bed for several minutes until his eyes closed and he finally drifted off to sleep.
* * *
It was thick fog. You could not see much farther than a few yards ahead. You could almost feel the soft mist hitting your face. It was silent. The only noise you could hear was distant cars moving on the road.
Liz and Ted were walking to her car from her office. She spoke to Ted about being overloaded with work and Ted spoke to her of handling legal papers.
Ted always tried making things feel better for Liz. He loved her. He squeezed her hand and kissed her head as they walked. "I bet you will feel better when your parents arrive and you can have some time visiting them." He said.
Elizabeth slowed to a stop while her and Ted were walking back to his car together in the parking lot. Even though it was a thick fog they were walking through He, Ted sensed she was not beside him any more and looked to his side then behind him until he halted; staring at a frozen Liz.