c h a p t e r o n e | w a k i n g u p

White.

All around me is white. I can see people around me, but their faces are a blur. I can hear them talking yet I don't know what they're saying.

Where am I?

I can't remember what happened. Everything is a blur.

Nothing is making sense! I don't know where I am! I don't know why I'm here! I don't want to be here!

Please! Someone! I want to get out of here!

I- I want to go home. I want my mom and dad. I want to hear my brothers arguing about a stupid game. I want to hear them laugh.

I want their hugs. I just want my family.

____

I don't know how long it's been since I was here in this white room.

But I can still hear people talking. I can feel people holding my hand and running their fingers through my hair, but O can't see anyone.

I hear them calling my name, asking me to wake up, but I don't understand.

Am I not awake?

I feel awake, although I can barely hear people talk and see their silhouettes, I feel awake.

But, maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm asleep and this is all a dream, a nightmare.

If it is, then I wish to wake up. I don't want to be asleep anymore.

I don't like it. I hate it.

I hate it.

____

It's dark now.

I'm finally out of that white room.

I've been having these dreams, or flashes, I don't really know.

But, I'm lying down in a bed. It looked like a hospital bed. There were these people around me. Doctors, I think. I don't know.

Sometimes I can see my brothers. But only them. Never my parents. I wonder why. Maybe they're at work.

And everytime these flashes or dreams happen, they all get excited. They're talking to me, but I don't understand.

It's like I'm underwater everytime someone talks to me. Their voices are always muffled.

I try to move my hands, or even try to say something, but I can't.

My arms feel so heavy. Like something is holding it down, keeping me from moving it.

I can also hear a beeping sound. I don't know where it comes from. I can never tell. I don't like it though. I hate it. It's annoying.

These flashes or dreams only happen for a few seconds, at most maybe a minute or two.

They're never long before the darkness returns.

I've been in the darkness for a long time too.

Not as long as the white room, but long enough for me to hate it.

It gets boring, because once the darkness returns, I can't hear or feel anything. I can't see anyone. It's worse than the white room, but at the same time better.

I just hope this ends soon.

____

The flashes like dreams had recently become more often.

And it's like everytime I can hear people a bit clearer.

The fog in my mind becomes more clear with every flash like dream and I can't help bit smile everytime it happens.

It means I get to escape the darkness, see the light a bit more, even if it hurts my eyes a little bit.

I get to see my brothers more often too, but never my parents. Always my brothers.

There is also this boy with them sometimes. He always looks sad when he is here. I wonder why. I don't know him.

I feel like I should know him. Like he is someone important to me, but I don't.

It's frustrating!

But it's fine. I'll ask him one day who he is.

I'll also ask him why he's always so sad. No one should always be that sad.

Yeah! I'll ask him and then give him a big hug!

____

Today is going to be different, I don't know how, I just know it.

I can feel it.

I just hope that different means me leaving the darkness forever.

____

I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. The light touches in my hair and a hand holding my own.

I can hear the birds chirping and the beeping sound that I hate so much. I can hear the voices of people talking and the pounding of feet on floors in the distance.

My eyes fluttered open only to close a second later, the bright lights above my head hurting them.

Slowly, I open them again and looked around the room.

I saw all of my brothers standing in the room, some chatting, some eating and so on.

There was also that boy I kept seeing. He was talking with one of them.

He still looked sad

Squeezing the hand holding mine, I got the attention of my brother, Emiliano.

He looked up at me with wide eyes before shouting my name, getting the attention of everyone in the room.

Someone ran out of the room to get a doctor, while Em got me water.

Sipping it, I gave him a grateful look before lying back down and closing my eyes.

I was exhausted.

Bit I don't want to sleep. I'm scared.

I don't want to go back to the white room nor do I want to go back into the darkness.

It's lonely and I hate it.

I hate it so much.

The doctor came in and did a checkup, asking me some  questions too.

I didn't answer him. I was too busy trying to stay awake.

The doctor talked to my brothers after finishing the check up.

He turned to me a minute late and smiled, "I'll come back later and ask you some questions Alexis. For now, get some rest."

My brothers noticed me trying to stay awake before telling me to sleep.

I refused.

Of course I refused. I don't want to return to that place. I don't like it. I don't like being alone.

"No, I don't want to be alone. Please don't leave me. Please."

The smiled at me, before my oldest brother told me that they won't leave. They'll be right here.

And before I can protests, everyone of them gave a kiss on the forehead and just like that, I was alseep.