[INTRO] SLIGHT 🔞
"Congrats pare!"
I gave Rex a tap on his shoulder. We were still wearing our black toga. It's our college graduation. We just finished college in BS in Nursing as our pre-med course.
"Congratulations din!" I greeted back.
"Hanep cum laude!"
I just shook my head at him and went to my family who's waiting for me. I smiled at them and Kalix----our second born, instantly went to me to greet me a hug.
"Congrats kuya!" I chuckled and tapped his back. Kalix is just 17 years old and he's really close to me.
"Congrats kuya!" Klea---our youngest quickly went to me and jumped to cling on my neck. I bent a little and carried her. Klea is just 10 years old and quite small.
I kissed her cheek that made her chuckle. And then Laureen went to me and kissed me on my cheek. She slightly tiptoed because she can't reach my face. Laureen is already 14.
And then mom went to me and cupped my face while smiling. "Congratualtions son! I'm very proud of you!" She kissed my cheeks and I smiled at that.
My mom was my first bestfriend, she always understand me. She's my comfort. That's why they used to call me Mama's boy. She accepted all of my flaws and weirdness. She always remind me how loved I am when no one does. Andiyan siya palagi para ipaalala na may halaga ako. Para ipaalala na worth it ako. That's why I never give up on my dreams.
"Congratualtions," I looked at Dad and smiled slightly. "but I would be proud if you're the summa cum laude." I pursed my lips and looked away.
"Honey, cut it. Your son is cum laude, it's something you're gonna be proud of." Mom told Dad.
I just sighed while putting down Klea. Nasira na ata ang aura ko. Wala na. Nakakabad trip naman 'to.
Kalix then tapped my shoulder and whispered. "Don't mind him, you've done more than enough." I just sighed and followed them.
"By the way kumpare, this is Lanxe, my first born," Dad introduced me to his friends. Nakahawak siya sa balikat ko while I was just smiling awkwardly to his friends. "he graduated cum laude, but I would be prouder if he was the summa cum laude." I just looked away and pretended that I didn't heard a thing.
"Okay na yun kumpare," tiningnan ko naman ang kaibigan niya. "yung anak ko nga walang laude but I was still proud of him." Ngumiti naman sa'kin ang kumpare ni Dad. I smiled back awkwardly.
"Excuse me," I excuse myself and went to my siblings' table.
We're having a graduation party. A party, yet Dad didn't do anything rather than to drag me down. Palagi niyang sinasabi na sana naging summa cum laude ako.
If only he know how hard it is to be a cum laude. Mag summa pa kaya? Anong akala niya sa college, kindergarten? Mabuti sana kung coloring lang ginagawa namin. O di kaya magsulat ng isang notebook ng patayo at pahaging lapis.
"Aren't you enjoying your night?" I sighed and pulled a chair beside Laureen and sat. "what's with the sighs?" umiling lang ako at nilaro ang table napkins.
Then Kalix spoke. "It must be Dad," he rolled his eyes while drinking his mocktail. "hindi matahimik si Dad dahil cum laude lang si kuya." He then snorted and shook his head.
Laureen looked at me with worry and held my hand. "It's okay, kuya. We're here! We are more than proud of you." I ruffled her hair and she chuckled and leaned on my chest.
"I'm proud of you kuya!" tiningnan ko naman si Klea na masiglang kumakain. "I wanna be like you when I grow up!" she told, smiling cheekily. I smiled and ruffled her hair also.
"Yun ay kung lalaki ka pa," napailing nalang ako kay Kalix dahil inaasar na naman niya si bunso. "pano kung forever pandak ka na?" he teased which made Klea pout her lips and looked at me---- with eyes ranting.
"Kuya oh!" she pointed at Kalix and I just shook my head and carry her to my lap.
"Don't mind him baby," said Laureen. "inggit lang yan kasi ang pangit niya!" by that, Klea and I can't help but to laugh at Kalix' face.
Nalukot ang mukha niya at sinamaan ng tingin si Laureen. I spent my graduation party with my siblings. Mas nageenjoy pa ako dun kesa magpakilala sa mga kaibigan ni Daddy at ipapahiya lang naman ako sa harapan nila.
It sucks being a Marquez. I wish I could change it.
"Ahhh....shit!" I groaned while pumping in and out of Leo. My fling. He was holding the cock ring's vibrator while moaning mindlessly.
"Faster...fuck me faster!" he pleaded and I quickly obliged.
As I pumped faster and harder, the sensation was getting more blinding.Mas sumasarap ang kiliting nararamdaman ko habang pabilis ng pabilis ang pagbayo ko.
"Shit! I'm cumming!" I hissed as I started thrusting fast, desperately.
We were dripping wet because of our sweats. The room is filled with our moans and groans as my thrust were starting to get faster and faster. And the sensation and pleasure is deliriously blinding. And as I desperately thrust hard, rough, and fast, I was keep on moaning and groaning until I came. I spurted my hot juices inside him, as well as he came from masturbating and with the help of the cock ring.
Naibagsak ko ang sarili sa tabi niya. Hinihingal na tumingala ako sa kisame habang ninanamnam pa'rin ang sarap na nalasap ko.
While panting, Leo then spoke. "Kailan mo sasabihin sa Daddy mo?" that question again. "graduate ka na sa college, so kialan mo balak sabihin?" I just sighed and closed my eyes.
I called him to somehow forget about my exhausting Dad. To somehow free myself from pretending. And to breathe from a suffocating place. Feeling ko kapag nasa iisang lugar kami ni Daddy, feeling ko di ako makahinga. Feeling ko may sumasakal sa'kin. That's why I'd rather stay here at my penthouse than to be on the same roof with him.
All my life, he always say that I should be this and that. That I should do this and that. That I should act like this and that. That I should be the best and perfect. That I should always be on top. That I should always be the number one. Kahit hindi ko kaya, ipipilit niya. He'll say it's the best for me. Because I am the heir. That I should have the potential of being an heir.
Because of him and the pressure he always gave me, di ko na alam kung ano ba talaga ang gusto ko. Di ko na alam kung ano ba talaga ang nagpapasaya sa'kin. I don't know what I dreamed of anymore. I don't know what should I take anymore. Di ko na alam kung tama ba ang ginagawa ko o ginagawa ko lang yun kasi sabi niya. Kasi sabi niya na makakabuti 'to sa'kin kahit na ang totoo hindi naman talaga. Pinaniniwala ko lang ang sarili ko na okay lang sa'kin ang lahat ng 'yun. Pero nakakapagod din pala. Lalo na't wala akong pahinga. Wala akong karapatang mapagod, kasi sasabihin niya mahina ako. That I should be strong coz I'm the first born and the heir. Parang nawalan ako ng karapatan na maging pangalawa, pangatlo, o bumaba. Kasi sabi nga niya, I should be on the top, that I should be the number one. Naniniwala kasi siya na number ones are the best.
Because of Dad, I started doubting his love. Parang hindi niya ako anak kung ituring eh. He treats me like his possession. Parang laruan niya na susundin lahat ng gusto niya. He's really manipulative.
I wish I could escape, I wish I could rest, I wish I could lean on someone who'll never let me go, no matter what happens, and no matter who I am.
But fate doesn't always give what you want. Sometimes, fate will play first before giving you what you want. But why do we desire, what we cannot acquire? Maybe because people can be greedy at times. Maybe because we want to have a better life. Maybe because we want a peaceful life. Maybe because we want someone to take care of us even just for once. And maybe because we need a loving hand from someone who'll never let you slip away. Maybe because we seek love and attention, because no one ever dared to give us love or even spare a single glance at us.
And why do we're afraid of being true? Why are we afraid to show the real us?
It's because not all people can understand us. Also maybe because some are so shallow and ignorant. Also maybe because people nowadays judged easily by what they see, without knowing the real story behind it. People can see us dirty, sinful, a disappointment, and a freak without even knowing our side. They judged without even realizing that they're not on the same shoes.
But what's the use? My words won't still matters. People will just ignore it and keep on sharing negativities and ignorance.
Their invincible ignorance is one of the reason why social relationships shrunk at times. Dahil sa makikitid nilang utak, maraming mga tao ang natatakot ipakita kung ano talaga sila.
I hope someone will carry me, when I'm tired of walking on my own. I hope someone will remind me how much he loves me. I hope someone will hold my hand when I am about to let go.
I...just hope...to have someone beside me, and will stay beside me...
Ace Seavey
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 2020
12/11/20