There is an old woman in a red dress holding on to the ropes outside the hospital. My grandmother. I'm not particularly fond of her. She did a lot for me, yes, but there remains the fact that she liked her other grandchildren more. And since I didn't know for all those long years that I was adopted, I never understood why. So, I try to ignore her, but I cannot ignore my father, the one who was always there for me. Timid, shy, a little distant but never letting me feel like a stranger in the family. He is doing something, but I can't hear him. Neither can I hear the cacophony of the crowd that surrounds the premises. I think I see mother a little farther to my right. I don't understand why, but I could never really hate her, though she treats me like crap on some days. On other days though, I think she feels a little guilty or something, and she behaves normally, like there is no bad blood between us. Almost as if she is my blood mother.
I try to reach out to her, that's when I see it. The white ambulance carrying Grace, and I shout. I try to piece together what would bring all these people with no voices to the hospital, why would Grace be in the ambulance, and the fact that she is dead. I shout and cry, and mine is the only voice I hear.
I'm vaguely aware that I'm dreaming, but I cannot wake up. I keep my eyes closed and wail myself hoarse. I can feel his arms around me, trying to shake me awake, and in a few moments I hear his voice. It seems like he has been calling me for a long time, but I don't hear it before now. I slowly open my eyes a little bit, see his face looking at me in concern, and gradually hiccup to a stop.
"Az, what's wrong? Did you have nightmares? Are you okay?" he asks.
"Yes. What time is it?"
"Dunno. Five o'clock, maybe. I was half asleep when I heard you crying." He walks up to the nightstand and grab a water bottle and pass it to me. I take it gratefully.
"I'm sorry for waking you up like this. I feel so bad. You have work tomorrow and you couldn't even have proper sleep." I take huge gulps of water.
"Don't worry about that. What did you dream about? It sounded bad," he says.
"It's nothing. I just dream sometimes, ever since…"
"Ever since what? Az?"
"Ever since my sister died, two years back. I see her dying in my dreams…"
"Your sister, what?" He interrupts me.
"What?"
"What do you mean, 'what'? You're telling me you lost your sister, like, now? We've been together for six months and this is the first time I'm hearing of it?" His face is red with rage and horror. I feel confused.
"No? I know I don't talk much about my problems because of course, you are not my boyfriend and I don't want to worry you, but I did tell you about that, don't you remember? When I told you about my family, and how I was saved by Sayani on the subway and how father adopted me and how my family never told me, but Grace knew and I didn't talk to her for days before she…"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he shouts, and jumps back. "You have never told me any of these. You have never talked to me about your family. You told me bare minimum and whenever I ask you about them, you behave like you cannot hear me. You look into some other direction and mumble something inaudible…"
He comes to a full stop. His eyes bulge out as he tries to make sense of something, but I cannot concentrate on that. I vividly remember telling him all about my family, about my friends. True, I talk most about Sarah and her ever growing boyfriend trouble and how she always ends up ready to get married with her new boyfriend after knowing him for a few weeks, but I must have mentioned something. I come out of my reverie and find Dave looking at me with renewed concern, but he tries to hide it for my benefit, and puts on a smile.
"Come, Az. Let's get some rest. I am taking an off day tomorrow."
He kisses my forehead and pats my head until I'm out.