'Wait, wait flatter me later.... I've got something for you' I said as I pulled out from my pocket the pair, a sun and a moon pendant. He squealed in delight as I handed him the sun.
'Why the sun?' he asked.
'Coz you light me up…' I said and immediately regretted it.
He laughed at me, the little devil, 'Cheeessssyyyy.… but I like it!'
I smiled as he gave me his pendant 'Come, put it on me'
I placed the cold chain over his slender neck and he smiled like a sunrise at me, I gave him mine and he put it on me.
I looked at the best thing in my life and told him 'I think I love you. I love you Ted.'
He kissed me 'Not Ted anymore. From now… '
'AMIAAASSSSSSSSSSS' the shout rang ominously through the woods…
My father!
'Oh lord. He's here!!' I started panicking.
'Who?' Ted worriedly shook me.
'I've to go.' I was shivering.
'What happened?'
'I can't say. I've to lea….'
'AMIAAASSSSSSSSSSS' the second shout rang. Louder.
Then I don't know what happened. I jumped down the tree but maybe Ted held on to me, because when I landed, he landed after me. In front of me. Shouting in agony. His back had a gash. I instinctively looked up at the tree. THE SHARP BRANCH! It held a piece of his t-shirt….
I watched in shock as blood poured out of his back.
'Amias…. ohhh it hurts.' he cried horribly.
'AMIAAASSSSSSSSSSS' the shout rang.
I got up shaking. Where do I go? Whom do I reach?
'Amias. Ahhh…. it…. Amias…. help me….' he cried on the ground, crawling to me.
'AMIAAASSSSSSSSSSS'
Then I did it. The darkest of crimes. I ran. Leaving him there.
He was screaming for me to come back and I turned once. Once. His face looked beautiful still but his eyes were flooded. With?
With shock.
I ran.
My father came into view. Red in fury. I expected him to shout, to blow up in a verbal explosion but he gripped my hand and a silent scream escaped my mouth. The grip was death.
I cried silently as he dragged me home. I was dying to break free and go to Ted but if I did.….
My father would end the 2 of us.
The door slammed shut. He dragged me up the stairs to my room as my mother begged him to stop. The stairs were filled with pieces. Torn pieces of my diary.
Amias you unfortunate fool.
On to the bed I was thrown.
'Ohh not you too. No son of mine can be a fag. Caught you early though. I don't want you doing any of it. Get it?' He bellowed.
'What's on your neck ' He demanded.
I hid my pendant.
'Show me now. NOW!'
He pushed away my hand. Pulled the pendant from my neck….the chain broke over my skin. It stung. But I didn't cry. He flung it to the corner. I picked it up in and hid it in my fist.
'You're just another ungrateful bastard like your sister. Lower your eyes. NOW'
I didn't. He grew redder. Angrier. Then he hit me. Sharp and sudden across my face. Tears sprung out of sheer pain but I didn't lower my eyes. He was too frustrated to even look at me, he slammed the door and left me alone…..
Outside I heard my mother's voice. Shouting.
My father's voice louder. He was blaming her for me. For the sick fag I became.
I sat there. Helpless. In my hand, the crescent moon glistening.
I ruined him. I loved him. Lured him and left. Ran…. Ran away…. Coward.…. Bastard…. Fag….
It was night when the shouts ended. A door slammed somewhere and then silence…. Nothingness like in my heart….
My mother came to me at last. In her hands a sheaf of torn papers.
'Amias, I saved this somehow' she said as she handed them to me. I ran into her. Weeping for everything….
'Ma…..it hurts so bad….. Ma I can't bear it…. Ma make it stop…..'
But she didn't make it stop. She couldn't. Nothing, no one could.
I was feverish for a week after that. I didn't know night apart from day. My life was a sum of Ted, hate and regret. My father made sure that I didn't leave the house. I was a disease. But one day I broke free.
I ran to Ravenshollow like a madman, expecting to find something….
There was blood on the spot... Dried. A piece of his t-shirt….. I cried bitterly… how he must have struggled…. Cried…. Hoped, that I had run for help and would come back. Something must have eaten him, torn him apart…. Leaving nothing but this shred of cloth. Then I saw it, the piece of paper with mom's number on it. Like our dreams, like our love, like every hope of my first love it was in the dust…. I picked them both up….
And here's how I lived from that day to the day I met Theo…. Never getting close to anyone, I counted myself unworthy of anything, a coward, never said a word to or around my father, held that box full of those little things like it was everything. Because it was.
But then Theo-bloody-Sparks had to come along. But what did he get? Hurt.… that's only what I do. I hurt people.
I arrived back from the memory as my phone rang in a distance. I picked up the call,
'Amias, dear it's me Ariel.'
'Hello Mrs. Sparks'
'Love, tomorrow we're being thrown a Welcome Party by the City Association. I'd love for you to come'
Ahhhhhh…. The City Association a.k.a super rich snobs pretending to be an organization. Sparks must be real rich then.…
I stayed mute…
'Hun, do try. It will make Theo happy.'
I wasn't sure about the Theo being happy part but I could surely try for the nice lady asking me….
'Ok. Mrs. Sparks'
'Yes! Glorielle at 7, evening'
'Ok Mrs. Sparks'
The call ended and I was back in silence.
My heart was racing but not by fear. I wanted the day to never dawn but it did and I found my self once more dressing up for him. I chose the black turtleneck from our first meeting and soon enough I was at Glorielle.
The place was lit up, lights hanging aesthetically from flowering trees. Music played somewhere and the people were in beautiful evening dresses and suits…. All flocked around him and Ariel. Both in royal purple, he in a suit and she in an evening gown… and here I was. An outcast. In black.
All eyes were on them but their eyes were somewhere else. The enigmatic newcomers were looking at…. Me..
ME?
Theo and Ariel smiled. Theo walked over to me as every eye followed him. My breath was quitting. I felt giddy.
He stopped in front of me and looked me up and down… 'You look dashing today, Amias'
And you're giving me a boner which I translated to 'You too.'
He then held me by my waist and led me to the crowd. The smell of scandal hit me as the crowd stared at me.
A group of youngsters looked at me in awe as he introduced me
'This is Amias Vane' he showed me off proudly 'and Amias, this is Arryn' a tall, striking blonde 'this is Rev' dark haired, thin boy with a smirk… wait was he giving me the smirk? 'and this is Alfred' a redhead with a goofy smile.
'Guys make him feel comfortable. Arryn behave… I'll be back.' he started to leave.
I looked at him in terror.
He smiled and whispered in my ear 'Old friends from Silverbrooks, charm their pants off hun'
And the bastard was gone.
'Hi Amias' Arryn chirped 'heard so much of you.'
'Me too' I said.
'Ohhh really, Theo mostly bitches about me, doesn't he?'
'No, he's only told me about how you understand him'
Her face lit up.
'So you dating him right?' Alfred asked excitedly
'Alfie! Stop it' Arryn said.
I blushed hard.
'What? He looks perfect for him and see, isn't he blushing' Alfred replied enthusiastically.
'Shut up you kid' Arryn said 'But I see what you mean.' she leaned into me 'Theo's into you though'
I blushed and they looked at each other and giggled, but through it all, Rev was silent. Looking at me in open dislike, 'I don't think so' he said and walked away to the drinks table.
Arryn and Alfred looked awkwardly at each other before Arryn spoke 'I'm sorry Amias. He kinda dated him once.'
Alfred saw something and looked at Arryn, Rev was returning, Arryn nodded and Alfred hurried away. Rev looked straight at me 'Avis right? Hmmm…. didn't notice you properly before' he stared at me angrily 'now I know why he's into you. You're just one of us'
'Rev stop it.' Arryn hissed.
'Ohhh fuck off Arryn. You're like all of us Avis. The many boys he has broken. You look the part. He will lure you in, take you and then leave you. Because we never measure up to that one bastard, his first love. We are all just replacements. You will never have him. Not completely' he smiled at me.
My face felt hot with shame. The air became suffocating…. Here I was, a fool to believe that Theo wanted me. I was just another name in his list.
'Rev shut the fuck up. Amias please try to understand' Arryn tried.
Rev laughed bitterly.
'It's ok Arryn. I get it now. I just…. I just gotta leave now. Thank Ariel for inviting me.'
'Amias, stop! Listen...'
But I was already walking away. I felt Rev smiling wide behind my back.
I was angry. Being someone's shadow was not what I signed up for when I let Theo kiss me.
But a voice inside my head went….
…..but aren't you using him too? To heal yourself after Ted? Aren't you just as bad?
The voice was torturous, but the worst thing was….it was right.….
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