I was heading to the meeting with Hermes. The military camp was warm and apparently, it was completely free of the cold affecting the forest and the town.
''It must be protected well against permanent effects of the existence of the winter fairies and ice demons,'' the fox said. ''We could use this chance to dig some info that will earn you points in the race. The members of the race who have joined us as a second chance mingle in easier so it's not rare. But it can be dangerous.''
I agreed. It wasn't worth the risk and spying was never my area.
''Do I look decent?'' I asked as I brushed my hair with my fingers, looking at the tiara in my hand. Would it be extreme and hostile to wear it?
''You look perfect,'' Hermes said as he took the tiara from my hand. He held my chin and placed the tiara perfectly. I wondered if he used to do it. ''Blushed cheeks and swelled perfect lips. As if someone kissed you for minutes.''
''Eh...'' I blinked looking at his eyes and forced myself to not gaze away. The shyness which I did forget I have was trying to reach the surface from where it has been buried until now.
The fox sneered. ''Cute.''
Luckily, we were late for an important event so there was no time to reflect on what he is making me feel. It was something weird to feel lucky about. We kept walking.
The fox was like a trapped animal in my mind, walking forward and backward since it wasn't a good idea to embody a fully demonic creature in an area protected especially against them.
''You're pushing yourself too hard not to feel anything for anyone.''
I frowned. ''Isn't that what I supposed to do? To not feel?''
The fox image in my mind shook its tiny furry head. ''No. What made you think that?''
''Well... Being a lust demon... who feeds on the life energy of their partners... and having feelings for them didn't feel right.''
''Erm, I can say that's a point.'' The fox stopped going back and forth crazy and I was thankful for that. ''However, another point is...'' it stopped to find the right words, ''...that sex is not about what you are doing with your body. If it was, rape would be an enjoyable event, which we both know is not.''
''Yeah... wait- what do you mean both?''
The fox waved its paw and didn't answer my question. ''I don't mean love though. For some, it's trust or acceptance. One can see having sex as a success. Another one can do it to relax. Just like food, it can be a hobby you enjoy doing and discovering new aspects. Or for a poor woman who is married to a man who only cares about his needs, it can be a boring duty.''
''Yes, I understand. What all of this has something with what I feel and what did you mean-''
The fox didn't let me complete my question. ''For the majority of people, it's ideal to be mutual. No matter how pretty and good at bed a person is if they are ice cold with no hint of affection, liking, regard the other side will slowly or immediately grow apart.''
Shaking my head, ''This is not always happening,'' I said.
''Yeah,'' said the fox. ''Also there are people who are obsessed with a certain person and keeping stalking them for fucking years despite no return for their feelings. Or people with quirk fetishes which can lead to get a hard on by being ignored.''
''What was the point, again? You are confusing me.''
The fox sighed. ''I'm saying that it's normal to have expectations and feelings for someone you are fucking with.''
''I don't think having feelings for someone then move on to someone else for the next day's food and continuing this for a lifetime is possible.''
''That's not... it's just sharing something with someone, be it for an hour, a night, a year, or a decade, and satisfy each other's needs and wants, this is the healthy version at least.''
''What about falling for someone? Making an oath to be with just them? Living happily ever after?''
The fox laughed. ''Oh, love is good. It feels nice. Like there is a reason to be happy every time you open your eyes to the day. Sharing things you enjoyed. Someone to kiss you when you are hurt. Someone to cuddle when it's cold. Someone makes you feel always welcomed and safe while your bodies accept each other in the most ecstatic way. Until it ends.''
I frowned. ''Why it ends if it's that good?''
''Because there's an end for everything, silly. Emotions end. Lives end. Then it hurts. It feels like a flower plucked before having a chance to bloom. Or a dead baby. Like everything could have been so good but it didn't. Like when you saw a wet puppy under the rain waiting for the mommy dog and seeing the mom crushed by humans at the next street.''
''Oh wow, what is it with you today? You are rarely willing to explain things.''
The fox curled into a furry ball. ''I'm made by the memories. According to them, after using men and leaving them heartbroken, karma bit my ass so bad. Which is why I suggest you to enjoy and appreciate what you have, then move on.''
''Umm... okay.''
The weird silence made me uncomfortable. It was maybe the first time I witnessed the fox, the artificial intelligence with the memories of nine tailed fox, is doing something but nagging, making fun of others, looking down on people.
Nobody broke the silence until we made it to the place of the meeting being held. The first thing that caught my eye in the salon was Ender. He smiled looking back and pointed to the empty chair next to him. Only three chairs were empty at the large round table surrounded by about twenty chairs.