It was silent as we left the town, watchful eyes following our movements. Not one of us said a word. Dallas rode beside me, his cloak wrapped tightly around him. The trees protected us from the wind but the cold still burrowed beneath our skin and seeped through our veins. Keo rode behind us, his cloak and mask pulled up. He hadn't said much since I'd woken up, and not a word since Cedric and Tairen left. Actually, he hadn't said much since ...
He was just a boy .
Maybe it was better that Keo be silent.
As it got colder, my chest began to hurt even more. With each breath I took, a throbbing pain was sent through my entire core. I'd barely gotten a chance to breathe since we left Myre the first time. Then, there was enough adrenaline in my system to keep the pain in my ribs at bay.
Maybe I should have gotten it looked at by the doctor but I was almost certain it wasn't a broken rib when we left. Now, though, with the cold and being on a horse, it seemed so much worse.
"Let's make camp," Dallas said, his voice dry and breathy, the word blowing fog into the air. "It's freezing."
"Yeah," I agreed quickly. I took quick, shallow breaths, hunching over to hopefully dull the pain. It was becoming unbearable. How had I gone this long without noticing it?
As we came to a stop, I quickly got off, taking a moment to catch my breath as Dallas and Keo both slid off. Dallas threw his bag on the ground before moving to tie up his horse.
I grabbed my bag, wincing as I did so. It's not that bad, you're being dramatic .
My chest tightened in that familiar way, my palms becoming hot, my head pounding. My bag dropped to the ground as my eyes became teary.
That sharp stabbing only became worse, began to dig behind my bones. Dead eyes . I'm going to have dead eyes, just like the boy, just like the little girl. I'm dying out here. This world is killing me, I can feel it.
But you have such pretty eyes, Rye. You don't want me to ruin them, do you? I don't want to ruin them. Please, don't make me.
I couldn't breathe. His voice was so loud in my head. I couldn't escape it. I can never escape it.
I wish I'd never come here. I wish I'd stayed at the kingdom or maybe if I'd just never come to Chison in the first place. It's destroying me. I'm dying here. Just like he wanted.
"Hey, Ryker, are you alright?"
I met concerned eyes. That unique amber. He hasn't said a word in hours and the first words he finally speaks are in concern of me. But I didn't want his concern. I got the same feeling I had when Tairen was so open—so concerned—as if it were fake.
There was no logical reason why it'd be fake . He'd have no reason to pretend to be concerned so why did I think that?
"I'm fine," I said, taking the deepest breath I could without too much pain. "It's just, I got a little hurt last night. It's not bad, just sore."
"Last night? With the wolves?" he wondered, placing a hand on my shoulder.
I cleared my throat, shrugging it off. "No, before, when Dallas' shield made a shock wave. At the...at the tavern."
I turned away and Keo fell silent. I slowly picked up my bag and stiffly made my way to the tree Dallas had tied his horse to.
"Maybe we should take a look at it." I jumped, flinching at the pain the movement caused. Keo was standing beside me. I hadn't even realized he'd followed me. "Sorry," he said softly.
"It's fine," I assured, tying up my horse. "And I'm fine, too. It doesn't even hurt that bad."
"But it could be bad. Just let me look at it. I had medical training, if you'd just let me, I could—"
"I don't need your help!" I snapped, remaining turned away from him. "I'm sorry." I glanced up at him and he didn't look angry, like I'd expected, but instead he looked in pain, his eyes cast down, his mouth in a frown. It was so unlike him but it tugged at my heart. "I'm sorry. I just—I don't know. I don't think there's much you can do but if you insist, you can take a look at it."
He smiled softly and then walked over to where Dallas was attempting to start a fire, gesturing for me to follow him.
He laid out his sleeping bag and then waited for me to do the same. I did so and then gently lowered myself, beginning to unbutton the armor covering my torso. The cold air bit at my cold skin as Keo kneeled in front of me.
"Holy shit," he said and Dallas perked up, moving to stand beside him. They both studied the giant, almost-black bruise the splayed across the left side of my ribcage. That didn't look too good.
"What happened!?" Dallas asked.
I laughed, the movement drawing pain. "Uh, well, actually, last night, when your shock wave happened, I hit the table and..." I breathed heavily. It was starting to get hot. I was short of breath. "Well, this happened. It didn't seem bad at the time but maybe I made it worse somehow?"
Keo hummed and Dallas' face fell. "Oh, I did that?" he mumbled, pulling away from us and going back to the fire. "I'm sorry." I was too breathless to answer, to reassure him, so instead , I just nod. It was back to being silent. As Keo poked around the bruise, I attempted to keep myself from crying out in pain, and Dallas poked at the fire.
"It'd be best to just ice it and it'll heal eventually," Keo said, allowing me to button up my armor once again.
I laughed bitterly. "Figures."
He cleared his throat, sitting down on his sleeping bag. He pulled his knees to his chest and looked into the fire. I laid back, resting my hands on my chest and looking up at the sky. I could probably get some sleep before it got too dark, then I'd take watch.
As I slowly drifted off, I started to dread my decision. I was afraid of what I'd see. Dead eyes. My own dead eyes . But I was already resting in that state between conscious and unconscious.
"You do realize—" the sound of chains rattling, followed by the sound of something dragging "—that nobody is going to help you—" chains and a pain in my wrists "—right?"
Hot breath against the nape of my neck. It smelled of water and dirt, of stone. Where am I? My legs burned, as if scratched.
"You're sickening, walking around like you're entitled to something." That voice again. Its him. Its always him. Those dark blue eyes pierced the darkness, dusted with silver. So beautiful and unforgettable. So horrible.
"You wont get away with this. They'll find you." Another voice. A strong voice. Unbroken.
My ghost.
He laughed, harsh and bitter. "You really think that?" He laughed harder, almost hysterically. "You must be an idiot! They don't care about you! None of them do, Rye."
I jerked, cold fingers gripping my chin. It was so dark. I could only see his eyes. I wanted to get away. I wanted to run. Where could I go? It's too dark.
"I care about you," he whispered, his nails digging into my skin. "You'll see that soon enough. You'll learn that all you need to do is stop fighting. You'll learn that you're mine. "His lips brushed my earlobe. "I'll show you."
Shivers pulled me awake and I jerked up, glancing around. My breath turned to mist in the air, dragging pain out from my chest. It was hot—so hot. But it wasn't, I told myself. It was cold enough to see my breath. It's not hot. Something's wrong.
I kicked away a thin blanket that I didn't remember grabbing, the weight only seeming to get heavier and making me much more panicked.
Where was I? It was dark and smelled of smoke. I dragged my body up, my limbs feeling heavy, sweat dripping down my neck. I searched the darkness—searched for god knows what—and as my fingers wrapped around the hilt of a sword, the shaking in my hands began to calm. I spun around, the hair prickling on the back of my neck.
Red eyes. There were red eyes in the trees. Trees? Why were there trees? Where was I?
Wolves...
That familiar voice hissed, calming me, telling me to stand still. Perhaps they hadn't noticed I was there.
Of course they know you're there. You're the reason they came.
I let out a shaky breath, wincing and hunching in when pain cut through my chest.
They're here. You need to hide.
Let them find you. You deserve it. You know that just as well as I do.
You'll die, then what'll he think of you?
"No." My breath was barely a whisper, scratchy and strange. Not mine. Thats not me. Not anymore.
Remember? Hailey, the Queen, is hurt because of you, because of them. Remember? This is your punishment. Let them tear into you like you let them tear into her.
Your sword.
I looked down, my fingers tightening around the hilt as is glimmered, reflecting the dull light above. The moon, hidden away by clouds.
Its a burden. You could barely use that thing before, what makes you think you could do anything now? Now that your pain has deepened to your very core, what do you think you're going to do with that thing?
Use your sword. That's why you're holding it, isn't it? Use it. He would be proud. I would be proud.
Die. You know you must. You know it will come eventually. Why not punch your ticket a little sooner, right? C'mon, Rye, don't be afraid. Just let it all go.
Growls. I could hear the growls all around me. They spoke to me, insulted me, scraped at my bones with the words only I could hear.
Where am I?
Fear will guide you. Let it. Fight. You have not yet proven your worth. Fight. Your journey has not yet ended.
Caw.
I spun around, pointing my sword like a gun and just as I willed it, it became one. The trigger felt cold on my finger and as I pulled it, the bullet driving deep into the bark of a tree, everything became silent.
A light burst ablaze, illuminating my surrounding, my chest heaving, eyes still trained on the deep hole I'd left in the tree. Dallas and Keo were up almost immediately. I could hear the horses stirring restlessly. There were no growls. I looked around, panicked, swinging my newly formed gun wherever my eyes led. No red eyes. Nothing.
"What the hell, Ryker!?" Keo exasperated, rubbing his eyes as he stood up. As his eyes me mine, he stopped his movement and looked worriedly at Dallas. Behind him, perched on a branch just above where I'd shot, was a crow. It cawed once more and then spread its wings, flapping with ink black wings just above Keo's head, into the dead of the night. My eyes followed it as it flew, watching as crows began to join it all around in the air. Soon enough, the one crow had turned into a black mass of crows, slowly disappearing into the sky.
"Ryker..."
I whirrled towards Dallas, letting my gun finally fall to my side and, ultimately, the ground, as I saw his hands raised, his eyes gentle but stern. Responsible.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he cleared his throat as my gaze fell to the ground. What's wrong? What had just happened? That voice, the voice that always tore things apart, it was much more intense. He was still there. But a different voice, something new, telling me to fight. I knew that voice too. Why were they different now? Why were him and Tairen different now? Whats going on?
I collapsed, pressing my hand against my chest as I tried to force a deep breath. The pain was becoming unbearable.
"Rye..." Dallas' voice got closer but it was hesitant. Hesitant of what? Perhaps, of the gun that had yet to morph back into a sword. Maybe not the gun. Maybe he was hesitant of how easy it would be for me to grab it.
A slim hand grabbed the gun, throwing it out of the way as Keo knelt in front of me. He pressed a hand to my forehead. I jerked away, grabbing him by the wrist. He used it to pull me towards him, pressing his other hand to my forehead once more. He was so cold. His skin felt—dead.
His amber eyes met mine and he smiled, almost painfully. "Hey, Boss, thats a helluva fever you got there. Seems a bit dangerous, don't you think?" He waited a moment. I scrunched my eyebrows together, looking down. A fever? Had I been hallucinating? "Hey, look at me." I met his gaze once more. "Let me take care of you, okay? You're not in the right state of mind. We can't move on with you like this. Will you let me handle this my way?" As he said that, he pressed his fingers to the phoenix pin against his chest.
Dallas took another step towards us. "You're not doing blood magic on him." He didn't sound angry. He sounded monotone. Why did he sound like that? My chest throbbed and I wondered if it was in the same way it had been since I'd gotten hurt.
I shook my head, turning away from Dallas. The look on his face hurt me. Where am I?
Keo pulled away and soon after, the smell of blood accompanied the scent of smoke and sweat—and the dissipating scent of gunpowder.
He pressed his palm to my forehead and my vision went white. I could feel a liquid drip down my forehead, could taste it as it passed over my lips.
Flashes of white clouded my vision. I could make out a white deer, dancing across a bloodied field. It nestled in the grass at the foot of a large humanoid, its long fingers sharpened grotesquely, it stomach almost caved in. As its white eyes met mine, its long tongue slithered out, drooping down to brush the deer below. It was only a rotting carcass now.
I looked into the sky, the sight so blinding, I could barely make out the splotches of black as birds began to cover the sky. Soon enough, the flock was large enough to completely block out my vision.
A hand was placed on my shoulder and I turned, all the panic I'd had before, completely gone. A kind smile and soft honey brown eyes seemed to cool my skin. He whispered a word to me but I couldn't make it out, the sound of the crows was getting much louder.
I tried to ask him to repeat it but my words were lost as I was pulled away, the brightness closing in as the walls of my conscious shut it out.
I gasped, taking a deep breath. The pain in my chest was no where near as bad as it'd been before. I looked down at the ground in front of me, drops of blood staining the earth below.
When I looked back up, I was no long in that blindingly white world, I was now sitting on my knees in front of Keo and Dallas. Keo, who was looking at me almost fearfully, his hand hanging in the air, a steady stream of blood leaking from it. And Dallas, who stood behind him, his eyes worried, but he hadn't taken a step closer.
I reached up to touch my forehead, the abnormal coolness of it drawing my attention to it. When I pulled my fingers away, a dark splotch coated my finger tips. Blood.
"Sorry, that's the only way I could have helped you," Keo said, looking away from me. His eyes would not meet mine. I glanced to the sword a few feet away. Just a sword now. Then, my eyes found the bullet hole in the tree. For a moment, I'd hoped it was all a dream. Seems that was not so.
"Thank you," I said, my voice hoarse as I turned my gaze back to the ground, at the splotches Keo's blood had left on it. "I—I don't know what happened. I swear I didn't—I don't know why I did that. I don't know how, even. It's just—"
"You had a fever," Keo interrupted, rationally. "On top of that, something must have triggered a panic attack. You seemed like you were having a panic attack. Did you see something? Or maybe he—"
"Wolves," I said. "I saw wolves."
He fell silent, looking back up at me. That's it, I told myself. It was only the wolves. The rest must have been part of the hallucination. It didn't mean anything. But what about when Keo touched you? What was that?
"Rye..." Dallas sighed, relieved as he finally knelt beside me. As I met his gaze, I smiled. It wasn't soldier Dallas. Just Dallas. "I'm sorry, I didn't know how to help and I didn't know about Keo doing blood magic on you. You couldn't make the decision yourself so I didn't—I didn't know. I'm sorry."
"Hey," I said as I placed my hand on his head. I smiled once again. "Don't be sorry. I'm fine. Whatever Keo did helped, that's all that matters. You did nothing wrong."
His eyebrows only furrowed more as he looked down. "Rye, please, listen to me, okay. Just listen." I stayed silent. "I—I don't know how to explain this but don't brush it off just yet." He met my gaze. "Ever since I went through the magic injecting process, I get this feeling when things are going to go wrong. Kinda like a spidey sense, y'know?" He chuckled softly. "I've had it before but this time, its always there and its so heavy. Its sometimes so bad I can't breathe—I can't think straight. Its there, Rye, telling me something, telling me that something horrible is coming and I can't stop it. I can't do anything about it and it hurts but it hurts so much worse when that feeling coarses through me when something happens to you." His eyes glossed over but a tear never fell. "I know it had something to do with you and just then, it hurt so bad, I didn't know what to do. I felt stuck. I couldn't do anything. I don't know how to deal with this but I know its something about you. This feeling, it hasn't gone away since you went through your process." His hand squeezed mine, his breath fanning out in front of him as he let out a harsh breath. "This feeling, it scares me. And when I saw you like that, it was almost like you didn't recognize me. You looked so scared and that fear, I know that's what I felt, too."
"Dallas—"
"No, listen," he insisted, cutting me off. "Back at the castle, after the argument with Blake, I told you to confide in me. I want that. In fact, when you talk to me truthfully, like you did before we left Myre, that feeling dulled. It makes me think that its more about you than just you leading to something. I'm not sure, and maybe its also me thinking that way because I care about you, but I don't ever want to see you like that again. I don't ever want to be stuck watching as the feeling holds me in place. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you like that. So, please, don't lock it all it. It hurts. It's hurting."
My eyes widened. I didn't know what to say as I placed my hand on his back. For a long moment, all three of us just sat there, our breaths turning to warm fog all around us, the burning lamp slowly dimming.
I closed my eyes. What does it matter? You'll die anyway and your story will be left to them. I looked up at Keo then back to Dallas. With a deep breath, I decided. I wasn't the person I was when I was younger. I was an adult now. I'd grown and perhaps me hanging on to that past all by myself was the reason why I was so vulnerable to it.
"I think I was twelve..."