Instead, Alan broke the silence eagerly:
- You know very well how many bad people are hanging around. You can meet them at every turn. - Yes, I know, Al, I know well. - I have tried unsuccessfully to eliminate the impact of frustration and discouragement
to the sound of my voice.
- But how long do you want to lead her by the hand to school? Until she turns twelve? Or maybe fifteen? Are you going to see her off to high school as well?
"I'll arrange it somehow when the time is right," he replied, and paused for a moment.
- I've seen that car before.
Yes, the car. He saw suspicious cars constantly. He must have read from my face that I don't believe there is anything behind this.
- You think I'm crazy?
- No, I don't think so.
- I've really seen him twice. Same, brown.
- What brand?
- I do not know. An ordinary car. With tinted windows.
- And how often do you see him here?
- I've seen him at least twice. He was driving past us when Maddie and I were walking. He even slowed down noticeably.
- What did the driver look like?
- I told you the windows were tinted. I couldn't see who was behind the wheel at all.
- Stopped? Or maybe the driver tried to accost you?
- No.
- Did you remember the registration number?
- No. The first time, I didn't notice him at all. And the second time I was too nervous to look at the blackboard.
- Al, it's probably the car of someone living in this neighborhood. People often slow down here. There is a speed limit in front of the school. Remember when the police once lined up there with the radar? It has effectively knocked out people's rush on this episode, especially during the day. Alan turned his head and crossed his arms over his chest.
- You don't go this way as often as I do, so you don't know how it really is.
"But I do know," I said emphatically, "that you'll only make Maddie out of spite if you don't give her a little more independence."
"Oh, are you suggesting that if this guy tries to get her into the car, she'll be able to defend herself against him?" Eight-year-old girl?
How did we jump from a brown car passing by to a villain dragging young children into his car?
- You never take these things as seriously as I do. - He made a theatrical pause. "I suspect it's quite natural for you." I puffed my cheeks and hissed loudly through my teeth.
"Okay, I don't think we'll fix it right now, and I have to go."
"Sure," he muttered, still not looking at me. "So I'll probably have to call them again."
I hesitated.
- You mean who?
- To the Hopeline Editors.
- Al, come on. How long has it been? Three weeks from the broadcast of the report? If someone had made a call about this, they would have already done so. And if it did, the editorial office would certainly notify you immediately. They are always happy to continue each case.
- I'll call them anyway. I haven't called in a couple of days, so maybe they won't take me as disrespectfully as they've been. It is possible that they got some message that they considered insignificant, for example
a call from some fanatic, and to me it could matter. We were lucky enough that some rodent digging through the old investigations wanted to see my case and decided that it was worth making a report on this basis.
I gently turned his head towards me and lifted my chin so that he looked straight at me.
"All right, do what you see fit," I replied. - Just remember that I love you.
"I love you too," he replied. - And ... I know well that it is not easy for you to live with such luggage. I also know how hard it is for Maddie to bear. I am aware of my own obsessive fears that make her everyday life uncomfortable. But recently, after broadcasting this report, the whole story has become too real for me again.
- I understand. I just wish you could live in the present as well, and not be fixated on the past. He hunched slightly.
- He was crazy? So that's how you judge my behavior?
I chose the term wrong again. As an English teacher, I should be much more free to choose my words.
"Just don't patronize me," Alan added, waiting for a reply.
- You think you know everything. But you don't know anything.
I certainly had no idea how to react to that, as his statement was correct. So I just leaned over, kissed him, and headed to work. He wanted what he had to say to sound comforting, but he had to be firm at the same time.
"I can really understand that this idea alone confuses you." I understand perfectly well that your sensitivity is making you rebel, but I've been through it before, and you can believe me that I've thought everything through, and that led me to conclude that there is no other way out. This is what happens in the family. Someone has to do what has to be done, no matter how hard or even painful it is. I have no illusions that what we need to do now is going to be very difficult, but you should put things into perspective. It reminds me a bit of an old saying ... maybe you're too young to remember ... that
sometimes you have to destroy a village to save it. We are in a similar situation. Think of your family as such a village. We must do whatever is necessary to save her. He was very fond of using the plural because it made him feel like a real band member.
When he first picked me up from the crowd of University of California Berkeley students, my friend Roy whispered:
- Just think twice, Kate. This boy has a healthy ceiling. I know he's a tasty morsel, if only because of his pitch black hair, but he's kinda pretty chopped up.
Alan stiles sat in the second row of the lecture hall diligently taking notes, while Roy and I sat upstairs as usual, close to the exit, to slip out into the corridor as soon as the lecturer began to bore him with his habit.
- What do you mean he's fucked up? I also asked in a whisper.
- You don't remember this famous case, when only the Boy was saved and the rest of his family disappeared without a trace?
"No," I said, because at that time my family and I moved to Berkeley and a new apartment. Like most of my peers, I was mainly occupied with myself, I saw myself as the second Beyonce or Rihanna. I was concentrating on the process of shortening this list, indifferent to anything else, except maybe the occasional gatherings on campus when one radical group or another mobilized students.
But I did English classes because I wanted to become an English teacher.
- So his parents and sister suddenly disappeared without a trace.
I leaned closer to him and asked:
"Are you saying he murdered them?"