When I was about to open the doors I stopped and took a few steps back, waiting. And when I recognized the aura of the person coming in, I hugged her the moment she set her foot inside. Kate stiffened for a moment, startled, before she returned the hug.
"Are you alright, Your Royal Highness?" Damn, why is she still using those honorifics with me at this point? "Did you have a nightmare?"
"Ah, Kate, I did… The worst and longest nightmare of my whole existence," and living like that was indeed a damn nightmare. "I thought I would never wake up," and that almost happened, seeing how I died back there.
For Mikla's sake, it gives me goosebumps just thinking about what I felt when the ruby-red-eyed executioner was beheading me. I took three steps away from Kate and passed my hands on my neck, swallowing hard.
Fuck... I can't go through that again. The memory of the blade, the sound of it cutting through the air—it haunts me, even now. And for me not to have my beautiful head separated from my precious neck, I can't let myself get caught when I kill the important people who did that to me. Because I'm sure that I would have the worst death than that if I were to get caught murdering the 3rd Imperial Prince or the fucking Empress.
And thinking about the executioner again… why did he apologize to me like that? Why did he seem to be so hurt? What grudge did he have with Christopher to have such a murderous aura when he came closer to him? Moreover, why did I feel so familiar with his gaze on me?
I feel like I'm going insane, if I haven't already.
I forced the memory of the executioner's eyes from my mind, focusing on Kate's voice instead. There were too many question and not enough answers. I'll have to puzzle that out later.
When I did, Kate was staring at me, worried. "Did anyone die in your nightmare, Princess?" I almost laughed. It would be easier to ask who didn't die. My hands are soaked in blood, in every horrible vision of that life.
Nodding, I said, "Yes… A lot of people died, Kate. Most of them were innocents caught in the chessboard of the masterminds of all the disgrace that happened there," my voice got a tone raspier. "So much blood was spilled," by my hands.
Seeing me like this, Kate stepped closer, running her thin fingers through my braids before pinching my cheeks.
"Ah, that hurts, Kate! What was that for?" I faked the pain and complained.
"If it hurts it's good," then a kind smile appeared on her lips. "The pain is sometimes necessary for you to know that you are alive," damn, she may not know but this was the best moment for her to say that to me, considering that about an hour ago I was dead. "That was just a bad dream, okay?" Coming closer, Kate kissed my forehead. "We are all alive here. No one is dead. And nobody is going to die either."
Her words were meant to comfort, but the memory of cold steel slicing through my neck still lingered. My pulse quickened, my hands trembling slightly as I forced myself to nod. Alive. I am alive. But for how long?
Ponding about it won't change anything. The only thing I can do to not let it happen is to stop Dalilah and everybody else that might play a role in our sphere's downfall.
I can't sever my ties with Dalilah too quickly; people would wonder what changed. But I can start by distancing myself, little by little. There are people at court who hate her as much as I do. I just have to find them.
I hugged her again and she giggled but surrounded me with her arms and kissed the top of my head. Something my mom never did to me. Well… not never, but the last time that happened was when I was around 4 years old before I had my magic stolen from me.
"I thought your period had ended two days ago, Princess. But it seems like your emotions are still on a roller coaster," my period? Wait-
That's good information.
If I remember correctly, I first menstruated at the end of the sixth month of the year I was going to turn fourteen. And mine came before Dalilah's which pissed her off and she got mad at me, making me feel guilty for it and I even apologized for something that was completely out of my control. Although hers came a month after that.
It's embarrassing to think of that now that I know everything she did to me. Especially knowing that at that time she hadn't brainwashed me yet.
I need to know when is this and how much time do I still have before my birthday. Turning to meet Kate's pinkish eyes, I voiced my doubt, "Kate, what's today's date?"
"Oh… It's July 3rd of the year 279 in the Caspien Calendar!"
My birthday is on the 3rd of December. That gives me, exactly, 5 months until my 14th anniversary. I can do a lot of things in that amount of time.
"Why?" She questioned, curious.
"I just woke up a little bit lost in time," about 13 years in the past, to be precise. "And my emotions aren't like that because of my period, silly. My nightmare's at fault here. It made me wake up shaken like this. But I'm fine now." Sigh. "Anyways, why are you still using honorifics with me, Kate?"
That made her giggle. "Come on, we've already talked about this, Princess," did we? My memories are all messed up, I don't quite remember that.
"So what? I'll insist until you give in," thank Goddess I could come up with that at the same moment, otherwise, Kate would start worrying about my memory too. And I don't want that, because she already worries too much about me.
"The same goes for me!" What is that supposed to mean?
"What?"
"I will keep calling you Princess and Your Royal Highness until you accept that this is my form of respecting and caring for you like almost no one does! They are all disgraceful and dare to call you by your birth name, without even being close to you. All of them disrespect you and it makes my blood boil like a volcano. Especially because they don't do the same to your twin," she seemed disgusted and that made me chuckle. "Sorry… I know how much you love her and-" ugh.
"I'm tired, Kate. Tired of doing everything for her, tired of pretending she loves me. I won't keep wasting my time on someone who doesn't care whether I live or fie. I can't. Yes, I love her," though my hatred is growing bigger now, "but she doesn't seem to love me. I can't do this anymore. I've reached my limit."
Damn, I hope my words were convincing enough because I can't have people still thinking I'm Dalilah's shadow. Because I have my light and it's my time to shine. Plus, if they know that I don't want to be around her anymore, the people who don't like her will, very likely, approach me. And I need that to happen.
Kate must have been too shocked by my words, because she didn't even blink for a whole minute, only with her jaw on the ground. "Are you joking?" Yeah, she may use honorifics with me but her way to speak is not formal at all. And I'm not complaining, especially because she doesn't get mad with me cursing, once she does the same. "Don't fucking joke like that. I almost fell for it, Princess!"
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