Minor
I wrapped my wings tighter around me and snuggled deeper into the nest of soft mosses. Even though I had transformed, Qualin's scent was still lingering on me, and I could still feel where his hands had touched me. It didn't help that he had even touched my dragon form so sensually.
I whined as a few more tears fell onto my scales and I curled up even tighter. I was torn between wanting to hold onto the feeling of him for as long as possible, and wanting to forget it all.
How could I be so stupid? I shouldn't have gotten so swept up in the moment. It wasn't Qualin's fault; he was being honest with what he wanted. I was the one complicating things. I was the one who couldn't control or even understand myself.
The feel of my litter mates' minds brushed against my consciousness. I hadn't really let myself feel anyone's attempts to reach me until now, and I was still mostly blocking them out so the feeling was distant. I turned over and curled up even tighter. I couldn't bring myself to face them. It was too embarrassing.
They continued to gently push, their minds singing and trying to coax me.
Not now!
Then a much gentler touch pressed against my mind. Not pushing or coaxing, just comforting.
Momma!
I reached out to her and then she was with me. Her hands gently stroked my scales and I eventually uncurled enough to lay my head on her lap. She was in her favorite wolf-hybrid form. She wiped the tears from my face.
"Oh, Momma, I'm so stupid."
"No, you're not." Her voice was as soft and loving as ever. What would she say if she actually knew?
"But I think I really messed up." I buried my face in her lap and she just waited quietly for me to continue. I didn't know what to say, so I just stayed that way for a while.
Eventually, I raised my head to look at her. "Can I ask you a question?" There was something I couldn't stop thinking about. "How did you know Dad was your partner? I know you've both always said that you knew the moment your eyes met, but... how?"
"Hmm. Well, its hard to explain. And I know your dad says he knew right away we were meant to be together, but I don't think it was that simple. And you have to remember, we were still just cubs at the time."
"So how did you know?" I set up properly, looking at her seriously.
"It was just...a feeling. I... wanted to get to know him. I wanted to spend time together. I was trying to run home because I heard hunters in the woods, and we just ran into each other, head first." She giggled and I smiled. We all knew this story, and I had always loved it, but maybe I was missing something.
"I remember looking at him. He was so small and under weight. He was alone and I was afraid that the hunters would get him, so I told him to follow me home. After that, I just knew that I wanted to be around him. We were instant friends. When we were apart, I missed him and wondered how he was doing. When we were together, I just felt... happy. When he was sad or hurt, I wanted to help..."
"When you were in danger, he just had to save you. That's how he became king. The need to protect you made him stronger."
"Yes. And I couldn't stand anyone hurting him or looking down on him. So I would jump to his defense, and he would jump to mine. It just felt better to be together. We wanted to take care of each other, share our lives and eventually, build a family." She booped my nose.
"But, how did you know you were more than just good friends?"
"Well, it was a little complicated for us. My father didn't like Draco because of his family line, and he thought that since I was the first one born in generations with a star mark, that I was destined to be someone great and powerful." She chuckled, "Little did he know... Anyways, we were very young, and I don't think we really understood everything, but I knew my dad would keep trying to drive him away, but if we were partnered, he'd have no choice but to accept him. So we decided that's what we would do."
"But, to be partners, don't you have to.... you know... mate?"
"No. We just cuddled and shared our thoughts and feelings through our minds and... our souls touched, and we knew we would be together forever. Most do mate during the process, it is very intimate, but it isn't necessary. And we were too young at the time for those feelings."
"What if... you have those feelings, but not with your partner?"
"Why would that happen?"
"I don't know!" I could feel the tears welling up again. "People have those feelings sometimes and even have sex without any thought of a life partner, so what if I have feelings for a person, not a transformer, and they just think I'm attractive but aren't in love with me, or not in a way that means they'd want to be with me forever, and maybe I'm just confused by their feelings and the fact that it feels good, but they're not actually my partner..."
"My poor baby." She smiled warmly and kissed my snout.
"Mom! I'm serious."
"I know. But here's the thing to remember: transformers aren't like people. We don't care about physical form. We can recognize beauty, but attraction is based on one's true nature. So, if you are feeling drawn to someone, physically, you can bet it's because you can sense who they truly are. And since we only desire to be with our other half, then they must be your partner."
"But... what if they don't believe in that sort of thing? People are different."
"Well, you know you wouldn't be the first in our family who's partner isn't a transformer. Species doesn't matter to us." She chuckled. "You see, the thing about partnerships, is they go both ways: if they are your other half, then you are also their's. It's true people have a hard time recognizing that, which is why they may have multiple relationships."
"That can also be cultural, or personal choice."
"True. But your other half will fit you. So they won't have a nature or way of life that doesn't match yours."
"Huh. I hadn't thought of that." Its true I hadn't really given Qualin a chance to say what he wanted. I was too scared. "So, the only way to really know is to see if we fit together?"
"Exactly."
"And the way to do that is to share our thoughts. But that's so personal... what if it turns out we don't fit?"
"Trust your instincts. If you feel the desire to share yourself, it is almost certainly because you can sense your connection on a deeper level."
"Ok... there is one more thing..." I turned my head away, embarrassed, but glanced back to watch her reaction. "What if my partner... is... also male?"
"That would be a first in our family." Her expression didn't change at all as she continued to smile softly.
"Would that be alright?"
"No one has any control over who your partner is. Not even you." She chuckled again, cupping my head in both hands. "If you want them, and love them, that's all there is to it."
"But... we wouldn't be able to have offspring?"
"Well, if you really love each other, that won't matter. Besides, we have lots of cubs in the family so it's not like you won't have plenty of little ones to love and look after. Furthermore, I may remind you that I don't share any blood with three of your older siblings. Do you think I love them any less?"
"No, of course not." I shook my head emphatically, a smile beginning to cross my face.
"There are countless young ones that need a loving family. If you are meant to be parents, some will be put in your path. Or, if you want to be more proactive, they are easy to find, given our family's occupation."
"I hadn't thought of that either. I had never even thought about having cubs, it just seems like that's what you do when you have a partner."
"Often, but not always. I'm sure you've heard that Callie believed she wouldn't be able to have children. But she and Romnoe married anyways. But somethings are meant to be."
I giggled quietly. Maybe I had been over thinking things.
"How about this: there is no need to rush, so just relax. And when you're with him, trust your instincts." She leaned down and kissed my forehead.
"Thanks, Momma." I suddenly felt like transforming and changed into a beastling like Qualin again.
She brushed the hair from my face. "This is a nice look for you." She kissed my brow again and I hugged her tightly.
"Can we just stay like this for a bit?"
"Of course, baby." She ran her fingers through my hair and I snuggled in next to her. After a few minutes, I felt my dad arrive and ruffle my hair before settling in next to my mom and resting a hand on my back.
It was nice, just the three of us for at least a short while.