Gripping Jamie's hand, her face blurry as I fought to keep my tears at bay, since her brother was weeping openly.
Jamie always portrayed herself to be a strong independent woman but I can see for the first time, that this pain is unbearable.
Doctor Morris will be doing the C-section and from there he will inform me about the steps that will follow.
The doctor's optimistic and I'm trying to be the same for Jamie's sake but I am afraid. It's not something I would ever admit but she is my weakness and I can't afford to lose her.
As the anesthetic takes over, Jamie turns to smile at her weeping brother, a small smile on her pale lips before turning her head to smile at me, her eyes fluttering as she fought the anesthetic.
Leaning down I touched her lips lightly with mines and remained there until Jerome spoke to me
"She's asleep," Jerome says from above my head, "they're ready." He added.
Lifting my head, I kissed her one more time on her forehead, before allowing a nurse to escort Jerome and I outside, where my parents, Mrs. Stan and the guys all sat around, waiting.
Leaning against the doorframe in the corridor, I met my mom's sad countenance. At a loss for words, I allow myself to slide down the wall until I am sitting on the floor, resting my hands on my knees.
With my eyes closed, I leaned back my head as flashes of my time in the hospital returned.
Even thought I was unable to reach out, I heard voices.
I heard conversations.
I heard plans and plots.
I heard so much that the only person I shared any on it with was Justin.
My life and the decisions I've made since waking up, has been based on what I heard, while I slept.
Jamie couldn't understand why I reverted from the life I lived.
It wasn't a choice, it was destiny and my time away from the mafia life was also part of my destiny, because if I wasn't at the wedding, I would not have seen Jamie and if I wasn't in the fashion industry, I would not have met her.
She's the first girl I chased after.
She's the first girl, I fell in love with at first sight.
She's the first girl, I courted.
She's the first girl, I proposed to.
She's the only girl, I'll ever marry!
Everyone else pales in comparison to Jamie.
Angela Lawrence fell into my life because of our social circle but, I could have lived without her.
Jamie?
Jamie's my life!
As much as I want a family, I want Jamie more and had I been awake when Jamie found out she was pregnant, things would have been different and I wouldn't be sitting on the floor outside the room where she's having surgery.
"F**K!" I screamed out in frustration, helpless for the second time in my adult life.
I inhaled mom's perfuse and felt her hand on my shoulder, before I heard her voice.
"Sweetheart, Jamie and your baby will make it," mom, caresses the side of my cheek, "just have faith." Mom encourages me but I am more afraid than anything else and fear is not part of my vocabulary.
Sitting on the floor beside me, mom gently pulls my head on her shoulder.
"They are going to be alright," mom kept whispering but all I wanted, was my wife, to be alright.
I listen but, all my thoughts and energy were on Jamie.
"Logan?" A female voice whispers close beside me.
I had no desire to speak to anyone so I kept my eyes shut.
"Mrs. Phillips," mom greeted Jamie's grandmother and I am sure her grandfather is somewhere around.
"How is she?" I heard Mrs. Phillips ask. "How's my grandbaby?" I could hear her voice breaking but I have no desire to comfort anyone.
The corridor was quite since no one was volunteering any information to Mrs. Phillips.
"She's in surgery but she will be fine." Mom reassures Mrs. Phillip with the same words she used to reassure me.
"Thank you," Mrs. Phillips responds before I heard her footsteps receding.
Mom being host, organized refreshments for the guys, with her and Mrs. Phillips being the only women present.
Jamie had no friends!
During the time we dated, it was always her and I or us and her family.
She really sacrifice a lot after her grandma died.
"Grams," I whispered, "please don't take Jamie from me." I prayed.
"Drink something," Cam, now sitting beside me on the floor says.
Opening my eyes for the first time since I slumped to the floor.
Lifting my hand, I kept blinking as I check the time, then frown at the close door of the operation room.
It's been more than an hour!
Rising quickly to my feet, ignoring the coffee, Cam offered me.
"What the f**k is taking so long?" Irritation builds when I realize the surgery that was suppose to last less than an hour, has gone over the hour.
I pacing the corridor relentlessly because I don't believe in the saying, 'no news is good news'.
I need to know, now!
I looked at the men who works with my father and I, realizing that they are just as concern about Jamie.
I met Justin's eyes and nod to him, then focuses on Jerome.
With his head bent, Jerome is unable to hide his dejection.
Jamie's all he has and just like me, he's not ready to lose her.
I joined Jerome on the opposite side of the corridor where he sat, his hands hanging loosely on his upright knees.
"I'm going to tell you what mom just said to me," I spoke softly but even though he didn't react, I knew he would hear me. "They are going to be alright." I tried to reassure him but from his non-reaction, my words make no difference, to him.