Unable to sleep, I counted every farm animal I could think of, eventually giving up, my thoughts straying back to the days after my father and step-mother died, which is when the physical abuse fully ceased.
Grams ran the household with love and togetherness drawing Jess into our circle.
She never acted out at me again but she did get called into the principal's office to be reprimanded for complaints made by the teachers.
The spoilt girl I remember growing up with slowly disappeared, replaced by the beautiful young woman I became a guardian off.
Sighing, it takes very little to swing Jessica's mindset against others but I still have to figure out how she plays in the mix of the war between the Mr. Daniel's son and grandson.
They want Logan out to make room for Clyde but Logan reclaiming the Castle puts his stamp on his terroratary.
Plus I own this property so technically he's put his stamp on my property.
I can't figure this out and I still cannot sleep. I can't even wander around the Castle in fear of getting lost but I do need to get out of this suffocating room.
Logan laid on his stomach, his head buried into the pillow as usual. In the early days at the cabin I would have woken him up to make sure he's alive but this is his comfort.
Sliding slowing off the bed, smiling when my feet touch the ground.
Clad in a long PJ"s, I grabbed one of Logan's hoddie which was thankfully unpacked and cautiously make my way out of the room.
I searched the corridor to see the light on in the room next to Logan and mines.
Since I have nothing to do, I may as well poke around because I do need to find a nursery and this room is close enough.
Instead of knocking, I slowly turned the door knob and the door open without an errie sound, which is common in old buildings such as this Castle.
Stopping in my tracks when I saw my mother-in-law sitting on the rocker I bought for the baby with a wistful expression.
She looked up when I pushed the door in. "Can't sleep either, can you?" She laughs moving to get off the chair.
"No, I'm good," I walked further into the room looking around shocked and happy. "Did Logan do this?" I whispered mentally thanking Whiz for packing my baby furniture.
Despite my objection, mom vacated the rocker and slid down the wall to give me the rocking chair.
Happy for her consideration, I eventually took the chair. "Can you get up from there?" I asked still in awe of the room and how beautifully everything was arranged in the nursery.
Ignoring my comment, mom laughs. "He arranged the nursery without you, guess you will have to add your own touches," she commented and I shook my head.
Turning to look at her, "I already did my part and now Logan did his." I kept nodding lightly chuckling at her frowning.
Since we haven't spoken for a few days now, she wouldn't know. "I selected everything in here and purchased it with his money, so it's fair that he do..." pausing I gaze around the room again, "this!" Tilting my head, I slipped of in a daze while mom tapped away on her phone.
Surprised, mom nods, "well you forgot one thing though," she says, causing me to look around a second time.
Chuckling at my confusion, "a rocker for grandma of course," she held her heart mimicking a hurt expression.
"I'm sorry," I admitted. "I was so hurt and upset, plus unsure of what happens after the baby that I just needed to do this." I confessed to my mother-in-law and now she's the confused one.
Her eyebrows knitting tightly together. "Jamie, why would you think like this?" Mom kneeling on the ground for a second before standing and walking towards me. "Come let's go downstairs in the sitting room and spend some long deserved mother and daughter time.
Unsure, "uh... sure, okay," then I had the task of struggling to get of the chair for the first time in weeks, feeling how huge I had gotten.
Helping me up, mom laughs and holds my hand to escort me downstairs.
I headed straight for the daybed while mom turned the recliner to face me then looks at the doorway. "Now we just wait for Mrs. Stan." She chuckles.
As if on que, Mrs. Stanley walks in with a tray filled with a teapot, a coffee mug, two wine glasses and bottle of wine.
Pouting when she places the tray on the center table close to the sofa. "Guess I'll be the one drinking from the teapot" I curled my lips in playful disgust.
Mrs. Stanley passed a mug of chocolate tea to me, while mom poured two glasses of wine for herself and Mrs. Stanley.
While we all sipped our respected drinks, mom lifted her eyes to me again, "spill" she invited me to continue the conversation we started in the nursery.
Adjusting to sit upright while clutching the hot mug, "I'm scared," I finally admitted, my lips curling down sadly. "When Logan was in the hospital, I was so scared but I felt I was doing what he would have also wanted." I admitted. "We needed to give our baby a fighting chance" I shared, smiling sadly. "I have no regrets but with the impending birth and the surgery that follows," pausing I look up at the women who were both staring back at me in surprise.
Putting down their glasses, they both came to sit beside me, "Jamie," mom was the first to react, gently sweeping the hair off my face, "how long have you felt like this?" She asks, her voice unsteady her brows forrowed.
Squinting my eyes, shaking my head slowly, I laugh nervously. "I think, it has always been inside of here." I admitted.