I'm on top of the Mystery Shack at night.
A person walks up to the door.
I hear Stan answer it.
Stan Pines"Well, hello there, traveler. I see your car broke down on this lonesome country road. A place so remote, that NO ONE CAN HEAR YOUR SCREAMS!"
Traveler Backs away
I sweat drop
Stan"Pretend I didn't say that. Come in, come in, but be warned: if you enter, you may be subjected to my tales... TALES DESIGNED TO SELL MY MERCHANDISE!"
Red bolded text appears, which reads "TALES DESIGNED TO SELL MY MERCHANDISE."
Stanlaughs maniacally "Sorry, I was thinking of somethin' funny I heard earlier."
I start to head downstairs in a more suitable atire aka my normal clothes
I see StanLight a lantern "You've come to the Mystery Shack after hours. A time when the most cursed objects are for sale! Like that thing! There... " Gestures to lump of random body parts that are groaning " Nope? Not a fan? Too many orifices? Alright, I can tell what you're looking for is this" Pulls hand out of a chest
" disembodied hand! Why is it so expensive? Well, that's quite a tale. And it's called HANDS OFF! No seriously, hands off " Takes a glowing reptilian eye from person "that's not for sale. Alright, HANDS OFF!!"
I sigh
Time skip!
Stan is with me, Dipper and Mabel at a Swap Meet
Mabel Pines"Swap meet, swap meet, swap meet! Look at all these priceless treasures! Bobbly heads!" Runs over to bobbly heads and flicks them "They agree with everything I say."
I chuckle and buy a small note book and pencil
I simply start to draw everyone i met here on gravityfalls
Dipper Pines Putting on glasses "Professor glasses! They make me look like a genius!" Turns around and crashes into the glasses rack
I chuckle as i look up at him "you look great!"i say with a smile and thumbs up
he sees this by mirror and blushes and with a grin says "thanks!"
I chuckle and shake my head as i feel a warm heat crawl up my cheeks
Stan Looking at watches " Look at these faux-gold beauties! They're mob boss quality!" Sees Hand Witch and turns to Dipper and Mabel
"Okay, kids. Prepare to watch the delicate art of the deal. Hey Hagface! How much for the junk watches?"
Hand Witch"They are not for sale! NOT FOR YOU, STAN PINES! THE WIND WHISPERS YOUR NAME!"
I shrink down at her shouting and dipper pats me on the back trying to make sure I don't begin to panic
Tyler CutebikerTo chimes: "Shush, you guys!"
Stan"Alright, I get it, you're creepy. Anyway, less talky, more watchy. " Puts down money and takes a watch
Hand Witch Grabs his arm "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WAAATCHH!!"
Stan"AAH!" Pulls away "YEESH! Freak show!" He and the twins walk away as dipper pulls me with them i nervously begin to walk myself
I fidget with the pencil and notebook to calm myself cussing my self out as i didn't bring gum With me
Mabel"Wow. Someone needs to work on their social skills."
Stan"And their observation skills." Shows them his wrist, which has the watch on it 'BOOM! Good job, heisting hands." Kisses them
Dipper "Grunkle Stan, are you seriously shoplifting from a witch? That sounded like a curse."
"Yep it could be dangerous, sir."
Stan Sarcastically: " That sounded like a curse! It could be dangerous! *Yelling* Hey, anyone want to buy a wet blanket? We got two wet blanket for sale!"
All except Dipper and i Laugh
I purse my lips together as we head home
Time skip!
We are at the Mystery Shack. Stan is in the bathroom.
The twins are currently waiting for Stan to get they're breakfast
TIMESKIP to the kitchen.
Stan is bringing the us a pan, with oven mitts over his arms
"Alright kiddos, breakfast time. Prepare your mouths for-"
He Drops pan and mitts slip off
MabelScreams " NO HANDS! GRUNKLE STAN! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS??"
I shiver at this and start to chew on gum to calm myself down
Stan"So I might have got cursed a little. But the watch looks nice, right?"
Hand WitchAppearing in the watch " Foolish man! Thieving hands find wicked face! You must return what isn't yours..."
StanPuts mitt back on with his mouth, muffling her speech "That's better."
Dipper "we told you, Grunkle Stan. You gotta give that watch back and apologize."
Stan"What? That old crone should apologize to me for denying my right to buy cheap junk. I don't need hands. I've got self-respect!" Tries to pick up coffee but drops it. He slaps the fork, which flings bacon at his face "Mabel, sweetie, will you make your uncle some hands?"
Mabel Putting plastic cups with forks taped to them on Stan's arms and singing
" Lalala...Hands makeover!" Puts glitter on them " Say hello to you new hands!" In quotes.
Stan"Nice work, kid!" Pats her on the head but pulls out some of her hair " See, hands are overrated. I'm ready to take on the day."
I sigh and follow him throughout the day
_____
He Waves as Lazy Susan walks by "Ma'am."
Lazy Susan Screams
I pat his back simpatheticly
Stan and i are at bowling alley.
StanTries to throw a ball but trips the woman behind him, who throws up a bowling ball, which almost crashes a TV
I move in and catch it in time
I let out a breath to this
Stan and i are at a market.
Jimmy"Hey, Mr. Pines. Should we play "Toss me a dozen eggs" like we always do?"
Stan"No, Jimmy, wait, not today!"
I growl i snatch a metal frisbee and start to use it to cover Stan
JimmyThrows eggs
Stan"NOT TODAAAY!"
TIMESKIP
to Dipper and Mabel: "Let's find that witch."Stan says
Cut to us at a cave.
Mabel"According to the Swap Meet pamphlet, the Hand Witch lives in a horrible Hand Witch lair, on Hand Witch Mountain."
Stan"Stop saying Hand Witch."
We enter the cave. A hand taps Mabel.
Mabel"Grunkle Stan, did you just tap my shoulder?"
Stan"Kid, I can't tap anything."
Hands poke Dipper.
Dipper "Guys, can you stop tapping both my shoulders?"
I sigh and create a glowing purple lilac orb of light at cave roof, revealing that it is covered in hands.
Everyone Screams
Hands attack us.
Stan"Hands! Lots of hands!"
I start to punch them off
Dipper Punches several hands before one grabs his face
Hands are slapping Stan.
MabelPlays Rock Paper Scissors with two of the hands. They win and chase her
Hand WitchLaughs " Look at this... touching scene! Up top!"
High fives a hand "You guys... you guys get me."
Stan"Alright, you horrible wench. You got me. Stealing is wrong, et cetera." Shakes watch off "Take it. Now can I have my hands back? I have a certain gesture I'd like to share with you."
Hand "WitchAlas, your hands cannot be gotten so easily. The spirits say... ummm... that the curse can only be broken, by a kissss..."
Dipper, Mabel, and Stan "What?" I tilt my head to the side silent
StanSighs and gets up " It's alright, kids. Just look away."
He Kisses her hand
I stick my tongue out in disgust
You know...?like a blep! Like the ones that dogs make when they stick their tongue out with their mouths closed
No? Just me?
Hand Witch"A KISS ON THE LIIIIPPSS!!!"
Stan"What? Forget it! I'm not kissing any of that mess! I don't need my hands that bad!"
Dipper "Yeah, you're just making stuff up now."
Stan"Let's go, kids." We Start to leave
Hand Witch"NO, WAIT DON'T GO! Ehh- you're right, you're right. I-I-I was just making all of that stuff up. I-I was just trying to get something going, you know? It's so hard to meet people these days... " Snaps fingers and hands let kids go and braid Mabel's hair
Dipper "So this was all just a ploy to get a date?"
Hand Witch"I'M DESPERATE, OKAY? But every time I bring someone back here without keeping their hands hostage, they just run away."
Stan"Well, yeah, look at this horror show! It's creepy even for a cave."
Mabel"You just need to redecorate! For example: " Grabs a bunch of hands "A Handalabra!"
Hand Witch"OOOH! THE HAND WITCH LIKES."
Mabel"Then watch me work." (Throws hands) "HOME MAKEOVER!"
Montage of "home makeover.
"
Mabel"Redecorate! Brand new you! Shake it around! You gotta do it to make it work! " Montage ends. Everyone is standing outside. " Okay, time to take a look at your fantastic new cave."
Hand Witch Hands come off her eyes
Mabel"Men will definitely tolerate you, now. And I left a book of pick up lines on the end table."
Hand Witch"AAAAAGH! OH MY GOODNESS, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS THE SAME CAVE, OH MY GOODNESS. I just can't find the words..."
Stan"How about "Here's your hands back?"
Hand Witch"Oh, right! " Hands come out of her hair and crawl around Stan before reattaching
Stan"Shakey! Scratchy! I've missed you, old rascals. You're all right, sister."
Hand Witch"Will you be my boyfriend now?"
Stan"Nope. Never." While walking away from the cave "Well. I learned nothing."
Hand Witchsighs " Back to my crippling loneliness."
We are back in the Mystery Shack at night
Stan"Alright, I get it. You don't want the hand." Throws the hand back
The hand crawls around before leaving the room.
Stan"You're a savvy customer. But perhaps you'd be interested in buying... " Searching his pockets, then sees Waddles and grabs him "This magic pig! Sure, he doesn't look magic, but there's a very interesting story I'm about to make up about him. And it's called: "ABACONINGS!"
Abaconings title card appears.
I sigh in annoyance
And head to the roof and just stay
(No I'm not writing the rest of the Episode
I'm lazy and half asleep..
Goodnight!)