He was still alive.
This was the first thought in his mind after his rebirth. He had thought he had given up, thought he had finally found release, thought he had come to terms with it all. Ten years of bedridden suffering, his emotions had gone through countless ups and downs, eventually settling into a calm state. He merely wanted to end it all.
Much like what Adam had said just moments ago, "I just want it to be over." After reaching the depths of despair, he had chosen surrender, resigned to the pain and struggle concealed behind, all transforming into helpless sighs.
He believed this was how he was.
But as his eyes opened, light greeted him once again. Breathing resumed, and the sense of vitality returned. Confirming his rebirth as a baby, covered in blood, frail and short of breath, yet his life was so undeniably real. He couldn't hold back any longer, breaking into loud sobs. It was as if he had lost the entire world but then miraculously found it again. He wailed, unable to stop.
As an infant, this was his right. The ancient soul imprisoned within his young body had weathered the trials of life and death and finally collapsed. He wasn't hungry, he didn't need to use the restroom; he just... was alive. Tears flowed uncontrollably, and he cried out without restraint, no end in sight.
He knew, he still wanted to live. So sincere, so urgent, so fervent. He didn't just want to live; he wanted to breathe, to walk, to stand, to experience life... to be free. There was a time when all of this seemed like a luxury, so impossible that he chose to give up, to surrender. But deep within, the flame never went out.
He was Chu Jiashu, he was Renly Hall. In this moment, he was Adam.
He thought that Chu Jiashu and Adam were different. Their predicaments, their trials, their pain were all distinct. Just as when "50/50" started filming, he needed to adjust his mindset, emotions, even the rhythm, style, and essence of his acting.
But today, he realized something different, that Chu Jiashu and Adam were the same.
Both bore the torment of illness, both were powerless; both missed out on the brilliance of life, filled with regrets; both yearned for life's continuation, rebirth from the flames.
The night before Adam's surgery, a memory deep within Renly's consciousness was awakened, images he had nearly forgotten: after death, before rebirth, that dark tunnel, the long run, seemingly endless. He didn't know where the endpoint was, or what lay ahead. He just sprinted forward, naturally running toward the light at the end, the desire to survive propelling his feet, racing with all his might.
Adam's despair, pain, suppression, madness, release—everything was so real and vivid.
Adam and Will, Adam and Chu Jiashu, Adam and Renly, every character was so distinct and unique. Yet, in this moment, they blended seamlessly. The boundaries between method and experience acting vanished, even the control and framework of performance disappeared. Acting was no longer acting; it was a resonance from the depths of the soul, everything coming together harmoniously.
Life and death, the eternal theme, elevated Renly's thoughts and soul. The fourth-dimensional barrier of film, the two-lives dimension barrier, all vanished.
The moments of nurturing life and the moments of life dissipating were always so grand and yet so miraculous, intertwined with sorrow and happiness, pain and joy merging. Yet, one could never learn to face them calmly and serenely. Even though he had been reborn, even though he had escaped death, even though he had gained a new lease on life, in the face of death, he remained but an amateur.
Suddenly, silence fell, and his mind quieted. The angry roars, the regretful sighs, the painful struggles... all the noise disappeared. After the emotional release, both Adam and Chu Jiashu's minds returned to calm.
He wanted to continue living, yes, not just for the sake of survival, not just to be alive, but to portray the brilliance of his life in more ways. Even if it was just one more day, he would choose a different path. But now, the power to choose and decide was no longer in his hands. He could only wait, quietly wait.
Survival or death. It was a question and a crossroad. He couldn't face death calmly, but at least he could face tomorrow calmly.
His emotions finally settled completely, the tense lines of his shoulders gradually softening. The experiences of two lifetimes settled within him. He leaned back against the seat, the tension in his back muscles easing. A soundless sigh escaped from his lips, and his eyelids slowly drooped, hiding the faint trace of weariness.
Anna stood still, blankly gazing at Adam in the driver's seat. A faint smile curved his lips, the light in his eyes eventually regaining its calmness. The darkness had swallowed most of it, leaving only a faint halo, struggling to hold on, yet his emotions had finally settled.
No anger, no despair, no sadness. Similarly, there was no resistance, no struggle, no retaliation. He had simply accepted his fate with equanimity.
He straightened his back, embraced death. So calmly, so peacefully.
Suddenly, tears overflowed once more. Anna could hardly control her emotions; she covered her mouth, her tears flowing uncontrollably.
Jonathan Levine stood rooted to the spot, stunned. He couldn't fathom how Renly had achieved this. Renly was only twenty-one years old this year, but the seasoned wisdom and insight that came from years of hardship and experience had bestowed a subtle halo upon his features. Despite the fleeting expression at the corner of his eyes, it encapsulated the complexities of life and death.
Was this the power of acting? Could this be solely the power of acting?
Jonathan could hardly believe his eyes. Renly's performance transcended the confines of time, breaking through the barriers of the years, and defying the constraints of space and time. He conveyed the essence of the film's theme perfectly. Even though he was the director, in control of everything, he couldn't help but be moved. The warmth in his eyes made his feelings apparent.
This was more than just something magical.
Since the beginning of "50/50", Jonathan couldn't recall how many times he had felt this kind of shock.
Renly had pushed the art of performance to its utmost limit, surpassing the weight carried by a comedy, or even an entire film. He had perfectly interpreted the film's meaning about cancer, life, and perspectives on life. Simultaneously, he balanced comedic effects, black humor, sarcasm, and mockery. Even in front of Seth, he held his ground.
What was even more astonishing was that Renly was only twenty-one years old.
God, when Jonathan realized this fact once again, his jaw nearly dislocated. But at this moment, he couldn't care less about his jaw. He had to deal with the tears streaming down his face first.
The entire film crew fell into silence. Just as everyone thought that Renly's state had plummeted due to the influence of the Oscars, he struck back with a brilliant performance that delivered a powerful blow. His outstanding acting drew everyone present into the story, allowing them to empathize with Adam's pain and further experience the fear of death.
Those doubts were so laughable.
Trevor let out a sigh, his cheeks stinging, but he couldn't help but give a thumbs up, sincerely praising Renly. Faced with such a performance, he was absolutely convinced and had no objections.
The cold wind in Seattle's night, carrying moisture, still blew tirelessly, making people shiver. But Renly's performance had engaged everyone completely. In that moment, they forgot the late-night chill.
Adam sat quietly in the driver's seat, his whole demeanor returning to its unruffled state. The faint bitterness at the corner of his lips tugged slightly upwards, bringing a touch of playful mockery. "What were you doing when I called?" His calm words jumped slightly, "Were you on Facebook?"
...
Silence. The response to Adam's question was met with silence. The entire crew turned their heads in unison, looking at Anna. She should have continued the response with self-deprecating humor: "You know, stalking my ex-boyfriend actually isn't the only thing I do in my free time." Then the two of them would have launched into a conversation filled with warmth and humor, bringing closure to the final night before Adam's surgery.
With just a single sentence, the transition from tragedy to comedy was accomplished, returning to the inherent tone of the entire film "50/50".
Here, the most crucial aspect was Adam's emotional transition—from the eruption of despair to the serenity of acceptance, and then to the self-deprecating hope. This formed a "concave" development curve that posed an incredibly challenging test of acting skills. If not handled well, it could either become too heavy or too light, which might impact the film's elevation and tone.
Renly's earlier performance had undoubtedly won the hearts of everyone, sweeping through with absolute dominance. Even Seth's performance was seamlessly integrated, all in one go. But no one had anticipated that the least likely part to go wrong—Anna—would falter.
All eyes were on Anna, who covered her mouth, tears streaming continuously down her face, wetting the back of her hand. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she seemed almost overwhelmed. Even standing upright was extremely difficult, let alone delivering her lines.
Anna herself realized her mistake, but she couldn't defend herself. She could only shake her head in a muffled manner, standing still, bending over, and weeping uncontrollably.
Jonathan knew that they had to halt filming for this scene. Frustrated and helpless, he could only shout, "Cut."
Renly, sitting in the driver's seat, didn't understand what was happening. He suddenly heard "Cut," but he didn't have the strength to inquire. It was as if all his energy had been drained once again, as if he had become Chu Jiashu lying on a hospital bed, looking through the car window at the vast starry sky above, gradually finding tranquility in his thoughts.
He knew he was Renly. Not Chu Jiashu, not Adam. But in that scene just now, he was Chu Jiashu, and he was Adam. This level of performance was entirely different from before.