My name is Kaiser gunman was a dreamer, yes was! I dream to become best at everything and anything when I was kid, I wanted to do a lot in life like become a pilot fly planes, become a lawyer and give justice and eradicate the evil ,also act and direct movies and create music but you see, I eventually lost all those desire after the failure of my o-level after my secondary school, well it's not like the world ended I know and I did well in other subject but my English I failed, in o-level you have to pass all subject or you can't go to polytechnic or junior college to continue further studies and to go jc you have to get straight A in all subject, when I saw my result I was devastated, and simply wanted to die and laughed at myself so what if I have dream and desire I do not have the skill or ability to become something special.
I got blanked and the colourful world to other became dark to me, no hope whatsoever in me just depression and thoughts of how people and the society looks at me and although I can ignore that how about my parents ,I have to make them sad they have high expectation from me but I just tarnished it like that, where did it went wrong, I did all I could and I see other like the guy who got straight A in the o-level. Gloating over my face, I am desperately want to punch his face also as he was my worst nightmare, he gave me all the worst memory I can get in my secondary school life, I always wanted to be in his place wanted that glory but who am I kidding maybe even if I work hard , I could never beat talent huhâŚ
All my life, I am last at everything no matter how I tried to study or win something I will still get last, I will always be the last person you could think of selecting for a team, I am ashamed of myself always will be thinking why did my mother give birth to a useless person like me, I am a no one and not useful at all.
All I had was my dream which has been crumpled like a tissue paper. After the o-level result, I always thought I overcome depression and my inner sorrow as all I faced in my life was sadness, pain and misery.
As so depressed I just walked out of the school, I didn't want to talk to anyone just walked out, some my teacher and classmate all looked at me in contempt and sigh , I didn't turn back to see the faces just walked in the thought of how I will tell this to my parents and what will I do with this kind of results..
I simply wanted death, a bliss of silence from this world, I gave up on everything including myself and wanted nothing anymore, all dreams, goals and desire have been crumpled ,no more motivation left in me. I told my parents the result they were shocked and sad but didn't show that to me.
My father gave me a big smile and just said don't worry kai, no matter what you will still overcome and move on, this exam will not prove anything be the end to you .ok.my child will never be fallen like this said him laughingly.
I would have felt less guilt, if I was beaten or scold but he just patted my head and ask me to try again, my first inspiration and a role model ..
my father, Gunman a civil engineer going to 50 soon a lively man he is an inspiration to me as at a young age he lost his father he has only had his mother,my grandmother and him and he worked hard to become a successful person as he is now and to create this family and as who he is and me as his son did not succeed like him and my mother shridevi 30 years old indian women,an employee working in a shopping mall a lovely woman and my backbone no one is allowed to scold me and she will just like a tiger protect her little cub always cheer me up whenever I am sad and protect my brother and I.
my brother pierce gunman a electrical engineer working currently and trying to pursue his dream as a artist which he eventually learning and doing his degree in computer science. He is the exact opposite of me, he is in a different league than me but than he never despised or acted highly as he will also cheer me up, a lovely brother although jealous of him but still love him. Well I have a blissful family and all of them show care and affection to me they just motivate me to cheer up, but how can I come out of this I feel down like I am in the ocean sinking down drowning trying to fight to swim to the surface but just get pulled back but I did not show my depressed state to them I just looked normal as I could be and I just went to my room cried in silence did not want to make any sound o, tears were dropping like unleashed dam and Eventually tears dried up and felt a bit better after crying.
I just wanted to live my dreams, well with this grade I have to retake my o levels and then continue my dream or have to choose other profession, my friends from school all contacted but I just blocked them even my best friend I have no confidence to show my face to others. Guess this is what it feels like to be lonely although I chose to avoid them. I was like a robot had no soul in me few days there after my father selected a diploma course in civil engineering in a 2nd grade institute which is not my passion and just studied for the sake of studying and eventually completed it and then went to serve army, I wanted to be away from this place, I eventually pushed all my closed one away from me not that I hate them but I don't want them to see my depressed state, my family seemed to be hurt by my attitude but I can't do anything, I am useless son to her and she have my brother to take care of.
Then in army I pushed my self physically and mentally tried to shape me up, get back what I lost, there is politics everywhere and as I don't know how to play with this politics I got suffered deadly by those scheme but I still pushed myself just wanted to find what is the purpose of my life.
Few years later in a plane
Major, the plane is going down the enemy force seem to find our location, there were bullet fire everywhereâŚ
I thought life was getting back together after I joined the army but still depressed whenever I see kids in their eyes, I see passion which I eventually lost.
Although I will just self-counselled myself make me motivated I still have episodes of depression here and there which I could not control them one day , my mission were going to Japan on a secret mission, but out of nowhere the smooth journey become chaotic as bullets been fired ,there seem to be an engine failure and the plane lost control and there were scream and noise everywhere everything happened in a second before I realize we were reached on the surface of the island and boom..
After some time I opened my eyes and what I saw was gruesome dead bodies and pieces of the crashed planes and smokes of the fire everywhere and tried to stand up but then I was realized a metal has pierced my abdomen and I am losing lots of blood âŚ..I am hurting everywhere and when I turned my head around I saw a hand on my shoulder hugging me and protecting me form the left metal blade which will eventually pierced my heart but got stabbed to the person that hugged me ,and I slowly lift the head up and I know who it wasâŚwho else could do this except her ha-ha he laughed crazily
Even in this situation she just protected me, silly girl as he said in tears of blood. She was a cheerful person that loved me more after my family she confessed her love to me but at that time I was depressed and just rejected her, I don't know what she see in me but she just followed me everywhere and anywhere but I cant just open my locked heart to her or anybody but was still happy to see her now and then and she eventually followed me to this secret mission ,I told her not to come this idiot just has to be stubborn and follow me into the plane, oh Sarah said in a chocking tone
Sarah please wake up ok I am sorry for everything I am a failure 'Sarah'. Although the metal pierced her heart she seem to have dodged the arteries and had a bit of conscious left as she looked at Kaiser she just smiled at me with blood dripping of her face and chest area and just said to me.
Kaiser do you know why I follow you every time even you chased me away, do you remember the time in your secondary school day at a time you protected a fat girl that was being bullied ,although you had no strength whatsoever to retaliate them you just made them change their target to yourself to protect an unknow fat girl and this act of kindness and protection was deeply engraved in that fat girls heart and she eventually followed you your whole life without you being noticing and I can say I lived with you your whole life without you knowing me so I know how you fell all time, I saw you leaving the school in a depressed state after collecting your results, I wanted to talk to you a lot of time but I was worried you will not like a fat person like me so I exercised until I became slim and good and wanted to confess my love to you but then you joined the army and he he.. I just followed you, you Baka but still ignored my love, but I know you still depressed about all those result shit so I will just follow you even if you just ignored me just to make you cheerful and forget your pain I still cant believe that I will not see you anymore or to be together, she smiled at me painfully and just passed away looking at me lovingly
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I hate myself sarahhhh if we were together I would have hurt you because I am a useless idiot it should me who should have protected you, I would always would have given you bad memories if we were together why do I have have to be dumb not smart like others all I wanted in life was to make my family happy and save some life and lead as by my dreams why do I have to be a burden to evryone âŚhatred full of hatred all around me and as he coughed blood vomit out and eventually he calmed down In his last bits of life, he looked at Sarah, closed her opened eyes he calmed down he just hugged Sarah, his eyes were clear and there was no haziness in it, yes eventually Kaiser recovered from his depression state, and realized his mistakes of pushing all his loved ones and was an idiotic move and on dwelling on the past and said sorry sarah seems like death made me realise how poorly I led my life and my loved ones.he looked at sarah as his eyes dimmed
If just I can go back in time I could change everything as Kaisers gunman life drifted apartâŚ.
Few minutes after his saying
Ching!!!!
A phenomenal occurrence occurred
A gold pendant he was wearing was glowing brightly,this is a pendant that was given by his mother he was wearing it till even in the army as it was given by her mother when he was a child as a lucky charm.
What he said seem to be heard by the pendant and something miracle happened the whole place seem to be cleared , nothing like an crash happened at all everything goes back to the way
it was simply a miracleâŚ.