The ceiling looked at me, like looking for something else than memories. But I think it couldn't find it, and as he couldn't… tears slightly falled over my temples and cheeks. They were completely silent and runned like a calm river. A calm river only stopped into my thin and creased sheets. The light of the sun was two tones more yellow than them, or maybe more. It appeared to fill the sky around him, in a chaotic move. There was no cloud, but the cold air crashed into every little open space on the edges of the windows. Even some pieces of ice were hanging outside at the corners.
Everything was still there, I had finally run out of the dream and the darkness left with them. But I was just some kind of accessory, the sad feeling replacing fear, with the constant picture of my dreams kept going through my closed eyes. I could perfectly remember the grey ashes, the white calx painting my clothes and skin like a canvas would be. The screaming, the screams asking something I didn't know how to answer. More tears falled down without my permission.
Why was I crying, if I didn't want to?
My skin was rubbed by the dorso of my hand. Once again, the ceiling looked at me. I didn't want him to see me, so I covered my eyelids in a rough movement, turning down my side and covering my face with the pillow. Maybe it was a dream, maybe it wasn't. I couldn't know it, tears were falling down into every amount of energy or common sense. Was like they were invading me, letting me become as pointless as they felt. Finally, they closed my eyes down. No words, no will to just move. I remembered why I was so scared of sleeping and nightmares.
There was no second dream left behind when I woke up. The clock didn't know how much time had passed, then. Maybe the blanket did, but she couldn't say it. I felt sorry when I saw it over my hands, covering me up. Over my face, the eyes were so tired, the eyelashes seemed to carry the lasting of the river… the cheeks hurted because of the cold. I wanted to know things, but I couldn't. There was no clock over the walls, and I couldn't think about where I could find one. Anyway, if I could, my legs didn't seem to answer back. Or even my arms, or even my mind. I hid myself again, trying my eyes to close back again. When I thought I was close to it, I heard a sound.
The door was pulled and the panel made metallic sounds, making my eyes open. A shadow walked to the wall, and I saw her face. She looked confused, blinking her eyes.
—It was supposed no-one to be here. —she rubbed her fingers to each other, pulling her sweater sleeve. She had a phone over her hands, but something was different about, it looked like an old phone.
I closed my eyes again, without knowing what to say. My chest felt heavy for her words, the heavy gilted feeling. I supposed it was late, and that just made me wanna cry again. Steps sounded over the cold floor, and like voices were coming closer to the door. I rubbed my eyes.
"It must be the new one, we…"
She still looked confused, then the door opened by itself again.
—Oh, I told you. Is he. The others probably didn't notice someone was missing because of it.
More tears were falling down, and I was scared of them thinking I was going crazy as I myself did. I wanted so bad tears to stop, but they were just brats.
—The first thought I had it was he was like the other boy.—she looked so confused, trying to whisper her words but not making it.
—Don't even talk about, come on. Tell this to the doctor and leave.
—What? Okay. —she looked a little bit annoyed, and left the dorm.
The door opened again, and she left it closed after going out.
—Woah, aren't you cold?
She was way older than the other lady, and she looked so worried. Her worrying made her push her lips on a line when every word came to an end.
—No, no. I'm fine. I'm sorry, I don't know what happened… I didn't mean to stay this late in bed.
My voice stilled the same as yesterday, even if it was so broken and slow.
—Oh, don't apologize. We…—she bit the inside of her cheeks— you are using a wheelchair by now, right?
I nodded, trying to sit down.
—Let me help you.
She walked close to the window, where it was the wheelchair. She moved it close to the bed, while asking me to make strength over my arms. She holded my shoulders, and I finally ended up into the chair. It was hard to get used to it, as how weak I made myself. She cleared her throat, looking at me.
—Go into the bathroom, you don't need to take a shower. It snowed earlier, so just change your clothes. Tell me if you need me to help you.—she cleared her throat, looking at me.
Out of the bed, I was starting to feel cold.
—It's fine, I can do it by myself.
It was true, it just was a little hard. I washed my face and I changed my clothes to some warmer one's. My hands were starting to feel cold, as my head. I grabbed one of my hoodies.
—We have ready the food. As you are new, some of us didn't notice you were missing. It was completely our fault, we are sorry.
My mind was in white, I didn't know what to say. It made sense, what she was saying.
—The-there's no problem.
She pushed my wheelchair into the hallways.
—Now, you have to eat and when you are done, I will take you to the doctor's office.