He couldn't believe that she was going to do this– life and love without him. The days she was going to spend in someone else's arms and share her bed with him. She would kiss him every night after he had gotten back from work and together they'd cook dinner in the kitchen. And after that they would help her son, as she hoped the baby in her was, to do his homework and even teach him how to ride his bicycle on Saturdays. They would read to him all the bedtime stories sending him to sleep and they would go to bed knowing that they were going to repeat the same routine once more, another day, over and over again, with love being shared among them.
He was going to miss this, and what hurt him most was that he was going to miss doing this, with her.
"Elena, just wait for me." He cried out. "I swear I'll prove my worth to you when I get out of here. It's just fifteen years."
"Fifteen years!" She exclaimed. "Ethan I can't wait for you for fifteen years! You could have proven your worth in court and you failed... so don't ask for another opportunity."
"Elena, I'm begging you!" He cried out taking her hands into his. "Please don't fall in love without me."
Elena took a long look at him. His face looked worried. His one eye was redder now and he had been crying out to her while wiping his tears away in the past one minute.
"I'm with Lance." She told him bravely, as she took her hands away from him. The scared Elena from the horrible night was nowhere in sight. Guess time healed people, even if it was the slightest of healings. When he heard about Lance, she saw his face drop. She knew that he wouldn't be happy with the news but she had come to tell him everything she felt like he needed to know. She was never coming back to the country after all.
"We are starting to see if we can work and trust me, in fifteen years, even if it's not him, I'd be courted to someone else."
"Lance?" He asked, his face full of confusion. "Why him? Elena why?"
"He didn't r*pe me, for starters. Plus he's in love with me. When I told him about going to Mexico he was willing to come with me." She said.
"And where is he now?" He asked.
She shrugged. "Somewhere north of here, south state Utah. I lied I was going to visit a friend north but I was actually coming south to see you and talk to you, face to face."
"Wait... wait. Does he know about the pregnancy?" He asked, worriedly.
"No. Ethan, it's just you and I." She answered him immediately. "I'll tell him when the right time comes."
He hissed back at her. "Elena, of all the things you are about to do while out there, please don't tell him about it! I know him Elena... he won't be happy with the news."
"I know." She shrugged.
"Don't tell him!" He warned her. "If he finds out that it's mine Elena, he's gonna make sure that it's never gonna survive."
Elena shook her head. "No, no, no. Stop with your damn lies Ethan. Lance is none of that. He's good and caring and weird and wild... Why am I having this conversation with you?" She squeaked. "If he will not be okay with this then he can go away, it's okay. I understand that you two never liked each other. But I know him. And I know he can't be capable of such allegations that you are accusing him of."
"You're not getting this Elena... I never warned you about him because I wanted our past to be in our past." Ethan blurted. "He's not the perfect guy you think he is. It's just a mask on his face. He's selfish and wants you only to himself... only you. Not you and my baby. When he finds about that pregnancy Elena, that baby is going to die."
"You had a mask your entire life since you knew me..."
He rolled his eyes. "Elena please... I've known that guy. Don't make that mistake. He'll hurt my baby." He sounded serious.
Elena seamed in. "I know Lance is not perfect, I get it! But I'm willing to give it a try. We will make this work... without you. I know you're jealous but trust me, it won't help you. Ethan I had you. You screwed me bad. And I let you go."
"He's a lunatic!" He told her bitterly.
With a heavy and hurt voice. She yelled at him now louder than before.
"STOP! WILL YOU JUST STOP!"
Her voice had anger dipped in the lust of hatred. She looked around and saw the eyes that were looking back at her. Derreiro was now seated alone, and his eyes were fixed on their table. Elena brought her eyes back to him and forced herself to breathe calmer. She had tears stroking her cheeks once again. She wiped them off. Elena was broken gracefully and emotionally.
"I thought you were the one for me. I wanted to be your first and last. I wanted to wake by your side and lie next to you, every day for the rest of our lives. Just as I had hoped for before you raped me. When we had fun and enjoy each other's company. It's over. Accept that. It's never going to happen. I intend to carry on our good memories Ethan, because I know they'll make me smile. But all in all, we've got to our finals. This is our end."
Ethan kept quiet as she looked at her belly. One of her hands traced there gently as it caressed over and over. She smiled before she looked at him.
"I never got the chance to say my last goodbye. I gotta move on, Ethan, though it hurts to try." She snuffed. "You see I stay up all night, tell myself I'm all right. Ethan, you're just harder not to see in my dreams than most. Our memories replay in my mind, over and over and over. Every night I'm dancing with your ghost... and it hurts me so bad." She shook her head gently muffling her lips afterward.
"Elena." He snuffed, begging her. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to say... Elena please. I'm sorry."
She looked at him as if she hadn't heard what he had just said. "So I'll go on," she continued, "loving you silently. You're not the one, but you're still a part of me. I know how persistent you are and I'm telling you to not try and come after me when you're out of here."
"I'm sorry." That was all he could say in return. Her hurtful and truthful words had torn him apart. Once again, she continued talking as if she hadn't heard him.
She caressed her belly once again. "And you'll go on, living inside of me, Ethan. I accept my fate. You broke me up to shreds and I'm left to pick up the pieces. And it's okay because I will. I am trying. But you'll never see or hear from me again." She pushed her chair back in a bid to stand up. Ethan held her hand immediately. She looked at him, unsure of what he wanted to say.
"I accept my mistakes. I do!" He confessed. "You are right, and I am wrong. And I deserve this punishment. I'm a liar, a rapist, a promise breaker, and a bad friend. I accept all of them. I have been scared to acknowledge that I raped you and lied at court out of my own free will. I was stupid to accept my father's proposal and ended up hurting you furthermore, I accept. But please..." Tears slid down his face once again. She could hear the agony in his voice. He had never cried this much before in her presence. "I beg you to find it your heart to forgive me. This is what I ask before you go."
"Ethan," she shrugged, "first forgive yourself. Then I'll forgive you... if I can. But as of now? I can't." She pushed the chair back again. He held onto her more tightly.
He couldn't believe that she was going away, without those three words from her. Just three words. And he wanted her to tell him like she meant them. Each and every one of them. That's how serious the situation was to him. That's how deep he felt about her.
"Elena, I love you." He told her as tears continued to roll down his face. He skimmed at her waiting for the response. Even after everything, he knew that he was still in love with her.
She closed her eyes when she heard him say those words as they raced into her ears and parted into her mind and heart, each left with what to conclude about his statement. Her heart felt for him, as he was the father of the kid inside her. She felt a pinch of pity for him as she toured her eyes in pitch darkness, letting her feelings decide what she thought about him now. Her mind grasped the statement and was locked in a state of mind as it broke down its meaning. She heard him right. Was he being sincere? Was he using that as a scapegoat for some forgiveness? Her mind puzzled itself more and more and when it came up with its conclusion finally afterward, she compared its results with what her heart thought of him.
Her heart loved him that unfortunate night, probably even before the graduation ceremony, only that she was trusting her instincts to hide her feelings away. When she had let her heart decide, it let her guard down and she paid the ultimate price. She thought. There was no room for errors this time. A time would come when she had to choose and this moment wasn't so hard to pick out the right answer.
"You love me, I get it. But I don't." She told him boldly. "I'm sorry but I don't."
Elena finally stood up, Ethan's hand still on her cold hand. He slid it up so that he was grabbing her by the wrist.
"I knew what I came to do and say here today." She told him. "I had to see you one last time and tell you what I felt. I needed to see the monster that did this to me and made sure you felt what I feel, if anything. I gave you your ring back. I don't want it anymore. You were never supposed to know of my pregnancy, but thinking of it now... how does it feel losing something you craved for with me? Like I craved for a better life after college? That you took away from me? How does that feel? I have someone who loves me already Ethan and I'm gonna give myself a fresh start in life. I won't let you hold me back. You'll never see me or your baby again. And I guess that settles everything."
It took a moment before the painful words cemented in his mind. And a wave of worry washed away his remaining hopes and replaced it with regret. He had lost her, and was never going to get to her.
"Elena I'm sorry, forgive me." He begged her, still crying. Her words were like a death sentence to him.
"I can't." She shook her head, muffling her lips, her eyes appearing watery again.
"I love you..."
"You can clearly love someone Ethan and still let them go. So here I stand... I'm saying goodbye." Elena mumbled, hurt.
Ethan couldn't believe her words. She was tearing away the little of whatever little affection she had for him and discarding it away like broken glass. She was precious to him and losing her would be like losing the world. He never loved anyone as dearly this much before, after the death of his brother. She had changed his whole life and she literally became the center of it. If she was walking away, Elena was taking his world away from him. Goodbye? Was it too soon? Was it too obvious? From the very first time they had set eyes on each other?
"Elena, I'm really, really sorry."
"Let go of me." She shook her head. He still had his hand locked on hers. "Ethan let me go." She told him. He held on firmly. "Ethan let me go!" She yelped! This time a little louder. He released her from his grasp, sobbing. She turned around immediately and began walking away as she headed for the visitors' door, her back facing him. Her stilettoes hammered the floor in a rush as if she was running away.
"Elena!" He called out to her in a sharp cry.
"Elena!" He slammed the table as his heavy, hurt and dreaded voice rose through the hall again. He saw her disappearing into the far front.
"Elena, please!"
"Elena?"
"Elena."
"Elena..."
She never looked back.