He skimmed at her carefully and longingly once again. His increasing paranoia made him gasp for more air, to neutralize the surprising shock that was happening before him. He felt hot, unsteady, and uneasy, trying to accept what was going on. His one eye appeared watery already, guilt and embarrassment hidden behind it. He played with his fingers silently, numbing his mouth to avoid a speech. Jolts of fear ran down his spine and the cold made him shiver. Altogether, he felt like crumbling on himself.
Her eyes were involuntarily decorated with worry, and sadness was printed all over her face as she tried to render that she was here before him and this was not a dream... not at all! She felt the cold once again and clenched her hands together above the table. She could decipher the fear in him, and the embarrassment soaked in his face, present for all the world to see. Her teeth clattered against themselves and her body shook, not from the cold, but from the scene that was unveiling itself.
With a heavy heart and aching voice, she continued. "What are you doing to yourself?"
Ethan couldn't find the courage to speak at first, his one eye skimming at her. He gulped afterward before he spoke at last. "What do you want Elena?"
She shook her head, sobbing silently. "Ethan, look at yourself."
He shrugged. "It's prison. What do you expect?" He couldn't pull it to himself that she was actually here, talking to him. A month ago, he was the devil that she was too afraid to look at, let alone listen. He could render that she looked brave on the outside, despite the tear she had shed seconds ago.
"Ethan talk to me. What are you doing to yourself now?"
"It's bad Elena. This place is not a cup of tea you know?" He surrendered his whole face to her now and she could see him. His face was horrible. No wonder he had been hiding it. "What do you want me to say, Elena? That I'm good? That I'm okay? I am a mess. I think it's pretty obvious."
"Ethan, I wanted none of this. You brought this on yourself!"
"I never wanted this too, believe me. I never meant to do what I did."
"Stop denying that Ethan!" She snarled back at him. "Don't make this more hurtful."
"I know you'll never believe me... I swear I didn't-"
"I will not hear this!" Ethan shut up immediately and looked away, ashamed. He looked behind him and his eyes landed on Derreiro who was still talking to the woman across him, two tables away from his and Elena's table. At the same moment, Derreiro looked back at him and gave him a weak smile. Ethan noticed Derreiro's eyes shifting to Elena, and he looked back at her. His eyes were locked with hers for a moment before she shifted them to Derreiro and Elena noticed that the Mexican was looking back at her. She turned back to Ethan who still had his eyes on her.
"Who's that?" She asked.
"Some friend."
"Wow! What's his name?"
"Derreiro," Ethan answered, confused by Elena's inquiry lust.
"Wow... it's great to see you're making friends here-"
"Elena what do you want? I'm pretty sure that you didn't come here to talk about my friends."
"Oh yeah." She mumbled. "Happy birthday." She told him sincerely.
It took a moment for that to sink in but eventually, it did. He never saw that coming, that she actually cared, as he thought, after what he had done to her. "Thank you. Happy birthday too." She afforded a smile. Just a tiny one. "Never in a million years had I thought that you'd ever pay me a visit."
She shook her head. "Ethan, I'm not angry at you, anymore. I'm just disappointed. Why? Why did you do it?"
"I never intended any of that to happen, Elena. I know you don't believe me. I went overboard and I messed up. I'm sorry-"
"Every time you say that it hurts me more and more." She snuffed. "So stop, just stop."
"Elena, I know what I did and I'm telling you that it wasn't on purpose. And I will repeat that till the day I die. Elena something happened to me. I don't know what and it ended up bad for the both of us."
"Not on purpose, huh?" She had picked out these words. "You forced yourself on me, Ethan. Even when I told you not to!"
"And I'm still telling you that it wasn't on purpose. I don't know how it went overboard."
Elena muffled her lips. He could decipher that she wanted to cry. "You know I came here hoping that you'd have changed somehow and you'd be ready to accept your mistakes. I can clearly see that you're still the same coward!"
Ethan kept quiet as Elena's hurtful and truthful words stabbed him like a sharp-edged knife on his weak and soft flesh. He gulped once again upon hearing the statement and muffled his lips in a bid to hide his tears, but she had already seen them coming. He was as guilty as he was five weeks ago, to her.
Ethan saw Elena dig into her purse and remove a shiny object from its depth. It was a ring. A diamond ring. Ethan heaved a sudden breath as he saw the ring he had given her seven years ago; the one she had worn the day of the farewell party. She held it between her thumb and first finger as she revealed it to him. Ethan felt a rush of hurt running through his aching warm body.
"You asked me why I was here?" Elena asked him, ring still in her hand. She looked at it for a while before she turned to him. "Every year you would come to my birthday and I would come to yours. Last year I came to yours and this year, well I figured that you wouldn't be coming to mine... so I had to come."
"Elena, please don't do this to me." He said with eyes still on the ring, now in one of Elena's fingers, fearing what he didn't want to hear from her. His voice trembled as he spoke, his eyes teetering away from her eyes to the ring. He knew what she wanted to say. He hoped that she wouldn't.