"Is this because of Zayn? Is this because of what Zayn did to you?" He growled more loudly, which seemed like he was shouting at his older sister. Dr. May turned around and looked at him now, tears stroking the sides of her face. She was also whimpering and shaking above him.
"Oh my god, it is!" Ethan told himself in a soft sudden voice, as his eye stared strangely at the woman atop. Dr. May got off him immediately, off the bed, and stood on the floor beside him. Ethan groaned as she got off, feeling relieved from the muscle aches she had caused. The doctor wiped off her tears with both of her hands and snuffed as she looked at him, now feeling guilty. Ethan re-adjusted his resting pose once again.
"Is it because of Zayn?" He asked once more, and she nodded crying further. She grabbed a stool that was near the bed and brought it closer to the bed and sat on it. Tears spilled over.
"May, you don't deserve that! You don't deserve to be treating your body like it's a tool for guys to play with." He told her, in a soft hurt voice.
"Why not? I don't care anymore!" She cried out. "What that man did to me... I, how can I accept that my life is not different anymore. How can I see something better coming from it after a horrific episode such as that one?" Her cheeks were soaked wet and her eyes were blood red.
"May, I don't know how you feel right now but trust me, you're worth more than this. Don't let Zayn's memories be the new reality of your life. That you're this woman who readily opens up for some guy because that's a new life... no, that's not who you are."
"He raped me, Ethan. How can I come back from that? How can I continue to value myself after all this? Tell me!" Dr. May answered in a hefty and heavy voice. She couldn't really believe that this conversation was happening despite what she had anticipated. Ethan was literally five years younger than her yet he talked like he was her father!
"By being you. You're a smart-ass woman, who managed to get herself a beautiful job in a place like this. And you want to throw it all away because of what? Because some useless guy did some horrible stuff to you?" Dr. May looked away, feeling ashamed. "Look at me May, look at me." She obeyed his sweet command.
"The girl that I raped... do I know her, yes? Was I in love with her? Very much. Does she hate me now? Absolutely. But I know she wouldn't let that one night stop her from chasing her dreams, no matter the cost. She would get up on her feet, wipe the dust away and continue to fight for herself." Ethan blurted with sincerity at the woman. His face looked strange as he talked. "She stood up for herself in court and she won... despite my presence which reminded her of what had happened that day. She fought, and she's still fighting." He coughed. "I know you're not her, and your scenarios are different but what I'm trying to tell you is that you can still live. You don't deserve this punishment you're befalling on yourself. This isn't your reality. It wasn't your choice, it was an unfortunate thing that happened to you but don't let that hold you back. Fight!"
The doctor watched silently as a smile forced itself on her face. "Every day I wake up, I look at my reflection in the mirror... and I suddenly realize that something is not right with me. I feel like that there's this part of me that was stolen from me. And I tell myself that I deserved it! That it was God's punishment to me, for all the wrongs I've ever done and not seek forgiveness for." She mumbled. "This morning, I woke up feeling the same way and I did not imagine that I'd find someone who would advise me on such issues, the way you did... like it came from your heart, and not because you want some few dollars in exchange."
"Because it's the truth May..."
"Or call me May. No one inside these walls has ever called me that. Not the warden, not the officers, not the inmates." She chuckled and covered her face, blushing away. "You seem like a good guy, Ethan. Who are you, really? What are you doing in here?" She asked.
"I raped the woman I loved..."
"You don't seem like a rapist to me." She said. "Are you sure the judiciary back in your state wasn't jinxed? You look like someone who is here against his will."
"I raped a girl... but not on purpose, how's that?" He responded back, heaving to an upright posture.
"Not on purpose? What do you mean?" Dr. May stressed out.
Ethan coughed again before he spoke. "You wouldn't believe me too."
"Try me." She raised her brows and slid herself closer to him. She grabbed his hand into hers. "Let me help you, where I can."
"Okay, um... it was like I was doing it, but I felt like I wasn't in total control of what was happening beforehand."
"So like sleepwalking?" She asked.
"I don't know... it felt real and good when I was doing it... but um when I got back to my senses, my mind finally realized that what had happened was a mistake. Like I wasn't there in spirit, you know?"
The doctor snuffed, "So like your brain was absent during the act? That's what you mean?"
"I don't know. I saw all of it unfolding, and I loved it anyway during that time. I hurt her so badly, I'm pretty sure my brain wouldn't have done the things it did on its own." Ethan shrugged.
"Let's start from there." The doctor cohered as she rose from her seat. "I'll be going home now." She said as she checked her watch. 7:08 pm. "I'll let the guards take you out of here so you can sleep with your colleagues outside there."
"Yeah, yeah I'd appreciate that." Ethan agreed. She walked toward the door, handbag in hand and her warm brown overcoat enveloping her body.
"Thank you for your sweet words, Ethan. And I'm sorry about the uh..." She told him in a warm friendly voice. She smiled at him. "I won't be here tomorrow so I want you to-"
"You won't be here tomorrow? Where will you be?" Ethan cut her short.
She smiled, "I'm going to live." She answered as she nodded. Ethan chuckled and nodded in agreement.
"... so as I was saying, happy birthday in advance." She kept on smiling. Ethan nodded again, and she walked out of her office leaving the door to close slowly behind her. He stared at the ceiling above and smiled. So not everything was bad in here? He could actually change lives! He couldn't wait to tell his parents tomorrow how great this place could be when they came to visit him. Wait! His parents were coming to visit him… in the condition that he was.
"Fuck."
********************
SCREECH!
Went the taxi as it halted outside a motel, in the cold night, in south state Utah. Elena got out from one rear door and Lance got out the other. He raced over to the trunk and took out two suitcases, one large which belonged to Elena and the smaller one which was his. He then went over to the driver in the front seat and paid for the transport, as Elena crossed her arms, watching him take charge of the situation. He laughed with the driver before he waved goodbye and the car turned around and returned back to the direction it had come from.
"I can't believe you had us send our carriage via plane instead of traveling with them." Elena cried out laughing so hard.
"But it paid off, look at how early we have reached... without being tired or worrying about the luggage." It was 10:31 pm, Friday. "Sure, the road has been rough but hey, here we are. If you could have allowed us to travel by plane we would have reached Mexico much sooner. But oh well... here we are."
"Don't say you didn't enjoy the food back in Idaho, Lance," Elena told him as she put her arms around his neck. "You know you loved it. Admit it! You loved it!" She egged him. Lance brushed back some strands of her loose hair back her ear.
"I loved you all the way," he answered planting a soft kiss on her lips. Elena blinked after he pulled away.
"Come on, it's cold out here... let's go inside." She told him, as she grabbed one of the suitcases. They dragged them behind as they made their way back to their motel. They had already made a reservation earlier in the day when they were still in Washington. The two had come from the airport to pick up their luggage which had been transported by plane that they would rendezvous when they reached here at the end of the day. They walked to the motel in tow shaking off the cold. Lance opened the door and let Elena in. She closed the door when Lance was already in.