I couldn't believe what came out of my mouth, and what was more shocking to know and see was Sidney's face when I had told her.
She didn't speak and I didn't think she could. It was like she was shocked with so much surprise that she couldn't move or speak. "Sidney are you okay?"
She finish woke up from her shocked state. "You're Jessica Miller?!" She asked like she didn't hear what I had said the first time.
"Yes I am. I know this might seem shocking but I'm still shocked myself saying my real name." I explained to her.
I told her everything that my mother had told me, word for word. " Sidney, I'm telling you this because I can trust you. You can't tell anyone else about this, please. Promise me you won't tell anyone, not even Trevor." I said with my head down.
Sidney put her hand on my cheek and picked my head up. "Of course I won't. You were here for me when I told you my secret. I'm here for you." She said smiling at me.
"Sidney...are you just saying that because you have feelings for me? Or is it because your just trying to be a best friend? Because right now I need my best friend." I asked her, removing her hand from my face slowly.
Sidney held my hand and looked in my eyes. "I am your best friend. My feelings for you don't and won't change anything. I promise." She said smiling.
I smiled at her and felt something in my heart when I looked into her eyes. She leaned in wanting me to kiss her. But I couldn't, I didn't. But deep down I knew I really wanted to. Instead I backed away and got up from my chair without saying a word.
I left the breakfast bar with my heart beating faster and faster every time I went further away from her.
Two weeks later I had tried to avoid my problems and also tried to avoid Sidney so I didn't have to talk to her about the whole trying to kiss me problem. I ignored my feelings for Sidney and even went home before she did so I could do everything before she had arrived so I didn't have to see her. But secretly I had went to her Facebook page and looked at all her posts.
Sidney had moved in and had slept in the living room for obvious reasons. I'm sure she had planned to avoid me as well.
One day after coming from school before Sidney had arrived home I saw my mother sitting on the couch.
I tried to sneak past her but l she had spotted me before I had reached the stairs. "Hey honey. Where is Sidney?" She asked not having to look back to see that I was alone.
"Um...well...she's still at school. She was talking to her friends. I didn't want to get in between the conversation." I said standing still.
"Oh okay. Well there's not going to be any space for her things down here in the living room, and I surely remember your room being pretty big for two people, am I right?" She asked me.
"Yes your right. But there's only enough space for one bed." I said with my hands shaking.
"Well...I guess your big bed will have to be shared." She said finally turning her head to face me. "Will that be a problem?" She asked.
I didn't want to tell her what was going on between me and Sidney and I was sure that she had already figured out that I was not talking to Sidney for weeks. So I calmly said "Yes".
After I had responded, the door slowly opened.
"Hello Ms. Manner" Sidney said walking through the door and locking both the bottom and top lock.
"Oh hello Sidney. I just informed Rose that you will be sleeping in her room from now on. You can't camp out in the living room anymore when Rose has a big room to herself. So go ahead and move your things.
Sidney nodded with a fake yet believable smile and started moving her things into my room.
I was sitting on my bed reading my book, when I heard the door slam in front of me. I put my book down and looked up to find Sidney standing in front of the closed door.
"We can't keep acting like nothing happened, and you can't keep avoiding me at school. You need to speak to me at some point now that we're roommates." She said with a serious tone.
I couldn't believe I had the strength but I had finally spoken to her after about two weeks of avoiding and not speaking a word to her "Okay fine. If you want me to talk than I'll talk. But what do you think I am suppose to say after you were about to lean in and kiss me two weeks ago?" I asked her looking at her straight in the eyes with a serious face.
"I'm sorry I did that. We were in a moment and I thought..." She said leaving the sentence unfinished.
"What? You thought I would kiss you back? You thought I wasn't straight? You know if I wasn't straight I would have told you. I also remember telling you I needed a best friend. Not the person that has feelings for me." I said in a serious tone.
"I know... I know. I really am sorry. I know...you asked me for a best friend and I didn't give that to you. That was my mistake, and the moment I started to lean in to kiss you I knew it was the wrong move. But I don't want that silly mistake to mess up our friend relationship that we have." She said with a sad face.
"I understand and I get that, okay. But after that I'm still trying to figure myself out." I said
"What do you mean? I know your still shaken by you being the person the government wants. But what else is there to figure out?" Sidney asked sitting next to me on the bed.
I was to afraid to tell her that I might have feelings for her and that I really wanted to actually kiss her when she leaned in. But on the other hand, she was my best friend. I needed to tell her what was going on in my head even if it was about her and my fair of being even more different than I already was.
"So do you think I was avoiding you because of you trying to kiss me?" I asked her known the answer already.
"Yes." She said, still in confusion.
I held in a deep breath than spoke "Well that wasn't the reason. The real reason I was avoiding you and not talking to you was because I was afraid. I was afraid because I didn't want to admit that I really did want to kiss you. I just didn't have the strength to do it" I said in a worried voice.
Sidney had not spoken any words. All she had did was lean in waiting for me to kiss her again. But this time I shook all the worries and fairs away and leaned in so her lips would touched mine, and after that one kiss the only thing I could really do was think of her and the kiss when she had pulled back.
"There, now you don't have to be afraid anymore." She said smiling at me.
I was surprised. I didn't know she was going to kiss me. I didn't know that I was going to kiss her back, and the feelings I had felt during the kiss. I didn't know I could have those type of feelings. I didn't know weather to be happy or sad about it.
After dinner I went up to my room to change. As I opened the door to my room I saw Sidney with her shirt off. In the moment I couldn't move after I had seen her. "Um..Sid...Sidney." I said hesitating.
Sidney looked up at me in shook "Oh my gosh Rose, I'm sorry I was just getting dressed. I didn't think you would be coming up anytime soon."
I smiled at her and than laughed.
"Why are you laughing?" She asked me with a serious face.
I walked in and closed the door before speaking "I'm laughing because it's funny when you get all worked up like this. It's okay, your not doing anything wrong. We're roommates now. We have to act like roommates don't we?"
"Oh...right." She said smiling.
"I'll change in the bathroom while you finish changing out here. Okay?" I asked.
"Okay" She said
I got my clothes out of my dresser and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I got dressed and brushes my teeth before leaving the bathroom.
When I walked out the door. I saw Sidney in the bed, yet she was still not asleep.
I went over to my dresser to put my clothes away.
"Rose, can I ask you something?" Sidney asked sitting up on the bed.
I was nervous about what she might ask but yet I was still cearious "Sure." I said laying down in the bed.
"Why did you kisses me back?" Sidney asked as I turning the lames off. Making it slightly impossible to see her face.
"What do you mean?" I asked nervous of the question she had asked.
"You know. When I leaned in waiting for you to kiss me, I didn't think you would but you did. Why?" She asked, this time with a serious tone.
I couldn't answer the question. I knew why I did it, and what had came out of my mouth was just only a lie "To see if I had some type of feelings for you."
Sidney closed her eyes "And do you have any feelings for me?" She asked as she put herself under the blanket
"No Sidney. I didn't feel anything. " I said creating the second lie of the night.
"Okay Rose. Good night." She said.
"Good night Sidney." I said as I drifted off to sleep wanting to forget the conversation.