PAXON

As I open my eyes, my vision was met by total darkness. It's as if I haven't opened them at all. My head is still fuzzy and heavy which was expected, since I came from a very long flight. But even with that jet lag, it shouldn't be this dark.

Is it still night?

With that question in my mind, I tried reaching for the side table lamp on my right side but my hand touched a cold stone and something smooth instead.

Okay, this is weird. Since when did my bed move beside a wall?

I tried rolling to the other side of the bed but to my surprise, my left foot fell right on the floor. Was my bed always this narrow?

I tried getting up and my bed made a creaking sound I haven't heard before. But what caught my attention the most is the silky thing I felt on both side of my cheeks.  I tried reaching for it and when I pulled it, I got the feeling that the silky thing I felt is connected to my head.

Is this my hair? Was it always this long?

As the time passes and as my sleep starts to wear off my mind, I feel more and more weirded out.

Because it was too dark, all I could do right now is to use my hand to search for my phone. And as I search for it, I accidentally dropped a few things from what I guess is the table. I reached underneath the pillow, and that's where I found it.

When I lit it up, my eyes narrowed to the penetration of the direct light. As my eyes slowly adjusted to it, my attention caught the time.

It's freaking 5 pm already?! I slept for almost a day?!

Wait a minute...

I looked at the phone again and the stack of books the screen light touches at the table. That made me full awake.

This isn't my phone! And this definitely isn't my room! Where the hell am I?!

In my panic, I stood up hastily and stumbled. And as I was searching for any source of light, my toe bump into a corner of something.

"Ow! Shit!"

I stiffened.

I wasn't drunk last night and fooled around with some girl, was I?

That's impossible. I was so tired I even rejected Mason's invitation for an after party.

Then, who was that?

I tried to calm myself. I lit up the phone and used it as a flash light to find my way. When the light caught some of the things, it became more clear to me that this really isn't my room. And finally, after searching to the walls for a switch, I finally found one.

When I switched it on, I narrowed my eyes. Even with lights, the room looked fuzzy. It's as if some cloud made everything blurry. But I can still make most of the things inside it.

It was barely a room. I didn't have to turn my head to look at the full view of it. It's an all white for what I guess is an five by five room, with random sticker and colorful notes on the walls, two single bed: one with mattress, and the other one with only bed frame, and a giant closet. What's even worse is that it has no window at all. It's all walls and another door on the right. I tried opening the door near the switch and it only showed me a similar doors as this one and stairs.

I'm dreading it more the more I look at it. I can't imagine someone living in this small space. Even though for some reasons, the wall is not that high but it felt kind of tall for me, the space is still too narrow and small.

How in the world I came here? I don't remember coming here at all!

I grasped my head and felt the long hair once again. I realized that my hair wouldn't be this long overnight. Most of all, it's silky and straight.

I looked down when my peripheral caught something downward. I narrowed my eyes at the small bump on my chest.

This is weird. Even how much work out I do, I wouldn't develop pecs this big.

I touched my chest and squeezed it: twice, thrice. I gasped.

These aren't pecs! They're t-t-t....

I ran to the other door inside the room, for some reasons. In front of me is a wide eyed, long black haired girl staring at me in horror. I reached my hand to her and she does the same. My fingertips then touch a cold surface.

It's a mirror.

Wait...

I am her?

"AAAAAAH!" I screamed in a girly voice. I held my cheeks, and so is the woman in the mirror. "AAAAAAH!"

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One day earlier...

Every time I go near, you give me these different signal

Your eyes are gems of the constellations,

Your hand that holds mine trembles

Your breath hitched when we kiss, yeah

You're near but still too far

What is it that keeping you from me?

What is it you're afraid of?

As the sound booms within the wide stadium, I felt my adrenaline skyrocketed. I jumped in the center of the stage, holding my guitar and the audience's cheer got louder.

Girl tell me what am I supposed to do with this fondness

I fell in the abyss of your heart

Floating in the river of silver stellar (silver stellar)

"I love you Paxon!" shouted by many of them.

I winked at them and gave them my million dollar smile.

You know I'll sway in the whirlwind of your words

Even if it freed my soul, I'll still wander

Floating in the river of silver stellar (silver stellar)

I'll meet you there...

As my last song ended and the lights turned off, the crowd erupted with cheers.

I stand proudly at the center of the stage and waved my hand to the sea of people. "Tonight is a very memorable night, Melbourne! Thank you and I love you all!" I shouted while still catching my breath.

"Paxon!"

"I love you, Paxon!"

Yes, this is my life. I live and breath through music. And in my 25-years of existence, I still can't believe that this is how my life will turn out.

Music has always been my haven ever since I was five. I used to get my blue toy guitar, stand in the table, and sing incomprehensible lyrics I just made up. My mom will scold me at first for standing at the table, but after that she and Pappie will clap for me. To think that that table will be a big stage; my mom and Pappie, who used to be my only audiences, will be millions like this, it all still feel surreal.

I gave them one final flying kiss before I went to the backstage. "There's Paxon Rivers!" Photographers and paparazzis then swarmed me.

"What will you do after the tour?" asked one of them.

"I probably will take a break for fee weeks," I answered.

"Are you planning a vacation after this?" asked the other.

"I think so. Holiday season is near anyway."

"Are you going to stay at Winchester then?"

"I'm planning to spend Christmas with my family. But I will stay at Los Angeles before that."

"What is your comment about Ciara Carlton and Brandon Thomas' relationship?"

That made me pause for a while. Even if it stings, I managed to smile and shrug. "Good for them."

Before they can ask for more, my manager, Ante Nilsson, pulled me. "That's enough for today! He needs to rest," he said to the paparazzis. But of course they're paparazzis, that wouldn't stop them.

"Who initiated your break up?"

"Does your tour has something to do with the break up?"

"Don't listen to them and just keep going," said Ante again as he lead me to the dressing room.

I just waved to the paparazzis and other fans who managed to get there. And when we got to the dressing room, the whole crew welcomed me with pop of bottle of champagne and a loud "Congratulations".

"It's finally over!" I shouted and they cheered. "This whole tour wouldn't be possible without all of you!"

They all went to me and patted my back while saying "good work", then went to get their glasses for the champagne.

Mason, one of my friends and co-composer handed me a wine glass "Sorry we messed up your room, man. We wanted to do this backstage but those damn paparazzis just won't stop."

I laughed. "It's cool. It was the last show so it was expected."

"Do you really need to throw off you shirt like that though?" asked Ante as he joined me and Mason.

I grinned at him. "It's what you call showmanship. They all love it."

"Who loves a stinking shirt full of sweat?" Ante scoffed.

"It's so fuckin' cliche dude! I nearly cringed when I saw it," laughed Mason. "Wait till Jared and Cody hear this. You wouldn't hear the end of it."

I playfully punched his shoulder. "I think I wouldn't hear the end of it from YOU."

The three of us laughed. The whole night was full of smiles and laughter as my successful nine-month tour comes to end.

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It's only 18:00 and I'm already in bed here in my condominium here in Beverly Hills.

I declined Mason when he tried to convince me to have an after party with the guys once we arrive at Los Angeles. It was only a 14-hour flight but my body and head feels unusually heavy. I feel like I wouldn't last throughout the night. I think the stress of that whole tour already took a toll on my body.

My phone lighted up as a message pops up.

I felt a lump in my throat as I read who is it from.

Ciara:

Hey. Heard ur in LA again. Wanna catch up? ;)

I just stared at the message, thinking if I should reply or not.

At the end I deleted it. "Tch, catch up with that Brandon bastard yourself!" I then angrily threw it at the lamp table.

She's always like this. After our big fight, she'll text or call me as if nothing happened. Didn't she end it this time for good? And isn't she with that Brandon dude? What the fuck is she now texting me about?!

I groaned again.

She's just messing with my head again. And I wouldn't let her do it. Not this time.

But inside me, I know that tomorrow when I wake up and in a better mood, I will reply to her and submit to her like a puppy to it's owner. And it's so infuriating.

If only I can change it. If only I can change my heart.

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