I collapsed onto the floor.
I killed Garett...I killed Garett...I killed Garett...
I let Garett die in my first life because of my mistakes...
I was a psychological mess and had been under severe stress both mentally and physically and forgotten about it all before I died.
I did not want to remember this!
Only now can I make sense of my real memories. My instability led me to take my own life along with my child. That is probably why I did not hesitate one moment when I tried to kill myself knowing full well that I was pregnant.
I probably hated that child growing inside of me that much...
"You killed Garett and me," a grown up Erik said as he slowly approached me.
He was wearing his crown and inauguration outfit.
"You are not real," I said as I gripped my skirt.
He kneeled before me and placed his hand over my cheek.
The hallucination I created was so real that I could even feel heat radiating from his touch.
"Ari, I am very real..."
I jumped back slightly and began holding in my chest that felt like it wanted to pop out.
"No..."
Erik took the book off of the display and began flipping through the pages as he walked around with the book.
"Society is constantly going through a pattern of advancement and destruction. To uncover the mysteries of our ancestors, we have to look into their past and learn from their mistakes. Sometimes the answer to our current problems lies in the past. A time ridden with war...barbarians running amok...the once in awhile scientific break through. No matter what happened, they destroyed themselves in the end because there will always be idiots walking amongst ourselves."
"I am the idiot..."
"Don't take this the wrong way, Ari...You have done very well to support Arundel. Without you, Arundel would not have grown to become one of the strongest nations in military or trade power. Even your help in deciphering Asmarian language helped medicine develop so far. You have saved millions of people. The only cost were the people you loved. Every time you made an advancement, someone slipped through your fingers as it was for Garett and for me."
It suddenly felt like my chest was being compressed by an overbearing weight. His tone was gentle, but every word cut deeply in my soul.
"...I never intended to hurt you," I said as tears fell down my face.
Erik dropped the book a far distance away and brought me into his strong embrace.
"...Are you willing to forgive yourself yet?"
"Erik?"
"I thought that if I told you the words you wanted to hear, you could find some closure."
"Closure?"
"I don't blame you, Arielle...not for anything. The only one who blames you is yourself. You are kind to others, but never to yourself. That was one of the reasons I fell for you, but this has to stop. You cannot keep blaming yourself for things that are not your fault."
My hands shakily held onto him.
"Why..."
Why does he feel so real?
"If anyone, I am the person that you cannot forgive."
"What?"
"I knew you did not want to make a child so soon after Garett died. Your heart was not ready, but I forced you anyways. I thought that if I could not bind your heart, then at least I can bind your body to me. I hated my methods, but it worked...Your heart eventually followed after me and you began smiling again. A child was given life inside of you, but I felt like I had lost a few bits and pieces of you in the process. I regret acting hasty towards you...You were hurting, but I only knew how to help was by being cruel. It would make sense if you hated our child too."
"I never hated our child...I always wanted a child with the man I have always loved, but I felt guilty towards the person I could not respond to. I was truly happy when I had a child with you."
"I am glad that you also loved our child."
"Of course I would...It was the child I made with you."
"Our love died that time...You are under no obligation to love me again. That's why I want you to choose your own happiness this time even if I will not be a part of it. Don't get caught up in trying to save me or protecting this country. It is fine if you just protect what you want," he said. I felt Erik's lips over mine. "I love you the most, Ari."
"I love you too, Erik."
I tried holding onto him tighter only to find myself hugging onto air. The older Erik was gone the next time I blinked.
"Are you alright?" someone's voice said.
"Garett?" I said as I turned around.
Far from Garett, it was the current thirteen year old Prince Erik. I never hallucinated this current Erik.
I felt cold sweat run down my neck when I realized he was real. My whole body told me to run before he could see my face. My legs were locked from earlier. All I could do was place my hands over my face and hope that he would not see me.
"Arielle!" I heard Garett said.
"Garett..."
'Help me' I begged with my eyes.
"I will take it from here if you do not mind, Your Highness," Garett told Prince Erik. "She is shy around strangers..."
"I understand," Prince Erik said as he left.
Garett ran beside me and crouched in front of me with a worried expression.
"Are you alright?" he asked as he held my hands.
My heart calmed down immediately. Garett's presence was giving me the support I did not know I needed.
"...I am fine now," I said as I squeezed his hands.
Garett pulled me upwards and released my hands.
"What were you doing here?" he asked.
"...I stumbled in."
Was there a better answer? I definitely do not want him to think I was clumsy.
He suddenly took notice of something on the ground. It was the book that the Erik hallucination was holding before.
Why was it there?
I never moved from this spot. The book should have been on the display. The only person that went over there was the hallucination. He could not have...
"Did you drop a book here?" Garett asked as he reached for it.
I grabbed the book and ran outside to the fountain in the center of the museum and threw it in the water. The pages and binding all fell apart and disintegrated in the water.
"...I won't let you die either," I mumbled under my breath.
I will protect everything I love in this life.