My chest hurts...
My throat burns...
Why is the afterlife painful?
Painful?
I opened my eyes to a familiar ceiling. My body was sluggish as I forced myself upwards. The surroundings were of my old bedroom.
Did I fail in my suicide attempt and come home?
I rubbed my head slightly.
Hm?
My hands were noticeably tiny. Whose body is this?
My childhood Maid and caretaker Stella had just come into my room.
I was terribly confused.
Stella? She had left when she was of suitable age to marry.
"My Lady, have you awoken from your fever?"
"Fever..."
I had been resting from a fever?
"Arielle!" a woman with a busty figure said as she approached me. "You have finally awoken."
My mother had appeared in the room as well. My mother? She was supposed to have died when I was young.
Everything is wrong. I am seeing all the people that I want to see again. This is not the afterlife...This is hell, a sweet hell that can only be considered a dream.
"What year is it?" I asked Stella as I grabbed her hands.
I am a child...
I waited a bit before coming to any conclusions. Major events that I should not know about had happened and I was able to accurately connect them with what seemed like my first life.
This might be considered a time leap or something along those lines. Whatever this is, it is a blessing in disguise.
I saved my mother with future knowledge. Since I knew the conditions needed to save her, the rest was easy.
I wanted to see Prince Erik but waited for a few years for our official meeting. That day, I wandered into the Royal Garden where I knew that I was not allowed and ran into my younger husband who was now a child and still a Prince.
My heart swelled with joy. He was alive and well. Everything that happened before seems like a dream...This is reality.
I have to make him dislike me and lose my position as his fiancée.
Kaya Ouchi's trigger was her jealousy towards me. It was not like she loved or hated Erik. She hated me and wanted the position of being Queen.
I will leave the seat empty, but she will never have it if I have anything to say about it.
There is the possibility that Erik will get hurt in trying to protect me a second time, so I will aim to do everything to make Erik stay away from me if that is what it takes.
"I hate–"
For now, let me protect you from myself...
"I hate you," I started.
That was maybe too strong of a greeting...
"Hah?"
"You will never be the object of my affection. I would rather be a commoner than marry you to satisfy our families. Along with me, there will never be a woman who will ever truly love you," I said cruelly.
I believe that these words are similar to what he told me. If I tell him this, he could possibly break off the engagement, kill me, or even just refuse to see me entirely.
This is a political marriage and I am of a high born family, so the engagement may not easily be broken off. I do not expect to be hanged either. I just expect that Prince Erik will refuse to see me until our wedding day or break up our engagement.
He grabbed my strawberry blonde colored hair in anger.
"How dare you speak to me like that!" he screamed me.
"Hehe..."
It is all going so easily.
I smiled as I pushed on his chest. He released my hair and I acted as though I was pushed into the water.
"That's what you get for crossing me."
I grinned widely.
This is not enough to make you hate me.
"Erik!" my father called to me.
Right on cue, Your Majesty.
I heard rumors of Prince Erik receiving a severe scolding from His Majesty awhile after I left.
We received a letter that Prince Erik was going to come here. As I thought, I could not avoid this crucial event either...
Prince Erik arrived with his usual guards and had a very stern look on his face. I do not suppose he is here for pleasantries.
I guess he is here to exile me. I gave a hug to my father and mother before walking towards Prince Erik with a resolute face.
"I will miss you all," I told my family.
My parents were in tears from sending me off.
"I'm ready," I said.
"Ready? For what?"
"My exile."
He seemed flustered.
"...N-No, that is not what I am here for," he replied.
I felt my face contort.
Not an exile? An execution then for saying such things to a prince?
"I see...Your Highness had received permission to have my head," I said sadly.
"I would not like your head," he said quietly.
Then, my neck? What a classic way to get rid of someone...
"Understood, Your Highness," I said as I walked up a flight of stairs and tied a rope on the railing.
I had a feeling that I would need this, so I hid it underneath the carpet.
"What did you understand!"
I halted for a moment.
"You would like a more clean death? I thought you would want my neck instead."
"What kind of psychotic person would come to such a conclusion? I want neither of those things."
What did he come here for?
No, if it is him... Surely, this is the most used way to get rid of a high ranked Noble!
Poison!
"I see...As I thought, a quick death is not allowed. Poison was the way to go."
"Do you really want to kill yourself so badly?"
"I would prefer not to..."
"I feel the same way."
"Is this not what you desired?"
"I am not here to exile you or take your life... I would like to know you better! Is that so wrong of your fiancé to want such a thing?" he shouted.
I suddenly felt flushed.
Ah, I am no good...When my husband is in his younger self and acting embarrassed, I feel my feelings wavering.
I called over some of my maids to prepare some tea for us after that fiasco.
As expected, my parents were a bit worried about leaving us alone. It cannot be helped since they thought Prince Erik was going to exile me.
Looking at Prince Erik again... He is beautiful even at this age.
Such smooth skin...
Pink lips...
And that nasty mean glint in his eyes...
I actually am a part of that fraction of girls that like to be slightly abused and spoken harshly to by someone we love. The days when we were children were certainly the best. Since it was an unseemly fetish, I tried to hide it throughout the time we were sweethearts up until we got married and began further indulging in the married life. He found out about my fetishes later in our marriage and began teasing me gently.
He was so cute...
An awkward silence swept between us as we continued drinking tea together.
Ugh... I was lost in my thoughts of remembering such things that I forgot he was sitting across from me.
"Your Highness?"
"Just call me Erik."
Using his name so easily? I had called it various times before... It just has a nostalgic ring to it after being reborn a few years ago.
"...Then, Prince Erik?"
Just saying his name makes my heart tremble.
"That's fine."
"I was under the impression that you were not fond of me from our last meeting," I started.
"I was curious about your actions. Why did such a thing happen? It seems that I was the one who incurred your wrath. I believe that was our first meeting?"
"It is not the first for me..."
I tried chilling down my heart.
"...What do you mean by that?"
I lowered her head.
"Prince Erik, I ask that you please be the one to break off our engagement. It is best we end our relationship here."
We were not officially engaged and not many people know of this arrangement. Even if we break it off or just decide not to go public with our relationship, neither of our family reputations will plummet.
When we enter the Royal Academy, I will have to bully Kaya Ouchi or make it so that she falls into submission and does not pursue a selfish romance. Depending on my actions, I could be seen as a villainess or a hero to the other Nobles.
If I mess things up, I could just be furthering Kaya Ouchi into Prince Erik's arms. This is why I need to put some distance between us in the beginning, so that he will not have any reason to help her.
There are just too many uncertainties.
...This is the easiest way for us to be happy.
"Why is that?"
I was not expecting a question...
"For us, there is no such thing as a good ending," I said as I raised my head.
"Why? How can you say that with true certainty?"
I clenched my fist over my chest to contain myself.
It was no use.
My tears fell down my face.
"Please excuse me!" I said as I began running right away.
My feelings, my memories, and everything is all getting in the way.
There is no way that I can avoid you. Getting deeply involved with you is what sets Kaya Ouchi off. As I am now, I cannot protect you or myself.
The one who opposes your happiness the most is me after all...
I ran across my family bridge.
Before I knew it, Prince Erik was already chasing me from behind.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him.
"Why?" he asked with a pained expression.
I tried getting him to loosen his grip over my hand.
"Please let me go..." I begged.
"No, why are you crying?" he pestered.
"Just let me be!" I screamed at him.
"When you are crying like that, how can I? Stupid woman!"
My heart was racing so fast that I forgot to even think. I broke down and approached Prince Erik with my hands.
I regained myself halfway through and pushed Prince Erik away and turned myself in the other direction.
That was close!
Prince Erik trained me so well that it is almost scary how subservient I am to him.
I soon heard a splashing sound coming from below me. When I turned around, I saw how empty it was behind me.
"Oh, my god..."
I looked over the side and saw my fiancé struggling against the water.
At this age, he had yet to learn how to swim yet.
What am I doing?
I am killing my own fiancé before even Kaya Ouchi is able to!
I quickly took off my outer dress and dove in the water to save Prince Erik. With my strength, it was a bit difficult trying to save him. Thankfully, he was fully out cold. I do not know what I would do if he would try to drown me along with him. If he killed me, he would still also die and everything would be over.
I quickly performed chest compressions and mouth to mouth resuscitation on Prince Erik after tilting his head back and opening his airway.
My efforts, my love, my everything... you can have everything! Just do not take Erik everything away from me a second time!
He coughed up a bit of water on his side and was then breathing again.
Thank goodness he is just sleeping now...
I covered my face with my hands in an attempt to calm myself.
I will do things right this time...for Erik...
"Ugh..."
Erik turned to his side and coughed up more water.
"Erik!" I cried as I went to him.
He looked at me with widened eyes.
"Just now...you called me?"
I quickly stepped back.
"I deeply apologize, Your Highness...I should have never gotten involved with you," I said before running to my room.
When I meet Prince Erik, I get all weird... It is best that I avoid him completely.
Within a few days, I received multiple visits from Prince Erik. I refused all of them by asking my servants to tell him that I was ill.
As stubborn as he was, he did not give up easily. He kept on insisting to visit me to the point where he was willing to wear a full face mask if that is what it took to see me.
This went on until the day of his leaving to study abroad.