You all have told me to text you if I need anything? To go to you if I need help? What the fuck! Why should I go to anyone if I'm upset? Shouldn't I just wallow in my self hatred? A little spice never hurt anybody!
I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself! I should talk to TJ. No. He never answers anyway, he doesn't want to deal with me.
I should talk to Mori! No no no! She has much worse problems than I do, she wouldn't even be worried, she's gone through worse and she's still here. I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine.
I'm not ok I'm not ok I'm not ok! I should talk to Dan, I love talking to Dan! No no no no no no. I don't need to talk to anyone. I'm such an attention seeking whore.
What the fuck! This is why I should talk to someone! Am I mentally ill? No. I'm just making it up because I want attention. I want attention! Please please please! Please text me first pleaseeeee! I don't want to have to beg for your love!
Shut up, shut up, shut up! Stupid stupid stupid! Cant do shit. I really thought everything would go Back to normal if I got back on a schedule? Back to no friends? Independent? Good grades? Please please please!
Please be proud of me! I'm trying so hard! Stop crying stop stop stop. I cry all the time just shut the fuck up for once in your goddamn life!
I think I need help? Someone to vent to? Sure. Dumb ass. I don't need to vent, what the fuck? I just want your attention. Shut up shut up shut up! No one wants you! I'm not worth shit! SHUT UP!
I want to slit my wrists I want to be bitten I want to be slapped I want to break my ribs I want to crack open my skull I want to chug pills. SHUT UP GODDAMN!
DUMB ATTENTION SEEKING IDIOT YOU ARE NOT ILL!! YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL! NO ONE CARES!! IF THEY CARE THEY CARE TOO MUCH!! I DON'T WANT YOUR ATTENTION ONLY THEIRS!! I DON'T WANT THEM TO WORRY THATS EMBARRASSING!!
shut up shut up! I ask to hang out all the fucking time! I should stop! I should break all contact! That was so good, no friends!! I WAS HAPPIER WITH NO FRIENDS!! LEAVE THEM BEHIND LIKE YOU LEFT EVERYONE ELSE!! ITS BETTER FOR EVERYONE I WANT TO BE ALONE!!
WHY AM I SO DEPENDENT ON OTHER PEOPLE?
WHY CANT I SLEEP LATE AT NIGHT? get off your phone and don't even listen to music, then you can sleep without even crying!! Just fall asleep to the sound of water dripping! I wish that water dripped into my lungs while I was under anesthesia so that I drowned!
That's so interesting right? I don't actually want to die, I just want attention! I wish I wasn't born. Why do I have to be here? I hate people why don't they understand? Cant we just leave? Who gives two shits about fucking school. I know I don't.
Cant we just explore? Dream job? Why do I need a dream job when I can just live a dream life?? Why don't I get a shit job then live in a van, driving day and night with a boy? Or a friend?? I DON'T CARE!!
I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS SHIT JUST SO THAT I CAN PAY TAXES AND WORK FOR HOURS ON END!! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
I want to go to Georgia, it's the only place I'm ever happy. SHUT UP DUMB WHORE! YOU'RE ONLY LETTING HIM FUCK YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM!! HOW WILL YOU EVER GET OVER HIM IF YOU KEEP LETTING HIM MELT YOU DOWN!! BUTTER DOESN'T HARDEN UNDER HEAT. DUMB BITCH.
THIS IS WHY ITS BETTER THAT I LEAVE! I HATE THIS SHIT.
FUCK.
Oooh I like this entry. It's so spicy. No sharing remember? Don't break your own fucking promise!! DON'T SEND IT TO ANYONE JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT THEIR PITY??? OKAY??? GOOD.