My head felt quite heavy, and I rolled back and forth on the bed, accompanied by a slight cold, I shivered under the covers as beads of sweats coated my head.
My lips were dry and cracked and my tongue felt bland. I had been in this condition multiple times than I could count and whenever I went to the hospital to get tested, they would always see nothing wrong with me.
At first, I didn't think much of it but as time passed and the sequence repeated continuously, I concluded that something was wrong with me, just that I didn't know where.
Reaching my hand for the nightstand, I traced my fingers on the surface and picked up my drugs when I found it. I sat up reluctantly and despite the pain, stood up to shut the blinds and headed downstairs to get myself a cup of water to use my medicine.
Downing the pills, I stood rooted to the spot and wondered when this would stop. It seems to recur whenever I thought about him. Usually, It had only been headaches but because I had forgotten to shut the windows and had just a thin shirt on last night, I caught a cold.
The chilly wind whistled against the window and I couldn't help but hug myself tightly, pain coursing through my head with every step I took. I grabbed a thick pullover from the stand and headed upstairs before burying myself under the blanket.
Silence. Everything was silent as the mind wandered off. In a trance, my mind drifted to the ghastly accident, the fear that consumed me right then and how I had woken up with only snippets of the past.
The first time the headache started was when I saw Jennie, the school diva. It was clearly my first time seeing her but my head grew heavier as blurred images flashed through my head before I could grasp one another had surfaced and that went on till I felt like something was drilling my head and I screamed out loud. Loud.
The hallway appeared blurry and I could hear the students giggling, pointing and saying something I couldn't quite decipher, but I was sure they were directed at me. I try. I tried so hard to remember but some memories are just like names written on sand, washed away with time.
After about six to seven consultations with different therapists and sometimes psychotherapists but nothing changed, I stopped telling my parents whenever I had these headaches and would only lay curled in the bed like I am doing now and just wait for the pain to go away.
It does go away, but always came back the next one fiercer than the last, the pain persisted, and I picked up the habit of always having my medicine lying on the nightstand whenever I wanted to sleep and whenever I go out it was always with me.
I grew used to being out cast to the point that I would feel uncomfortable whenever anyone was trying to be nice to me. Unknowingly, I had cast that invincible barrier from the world and would always have myself to rely on for friendship, emotional support or whatnot.
Not until Becca and Shayne appeared in my life.
.....
By the time I had woken up the next morning, the headache had gone, and I stretched my body as I stood up and headed towards my bathroom prepared for a new semester.
Following my usual routine, I dressed up, ate the breakfast that was left on the kitchen counter and I couldn't help but laugh at the words that my mom had written on the sticker note left on the fridge.
'Arise and shine angel.:-)'
If I really was an angel.
....
"Cather shay ne yelled, as she jogged her way towards me.
She threw herself in my arms as soon as she got to where I was, and I couldn't help but try to release her hold on me when the hug was getting unbearable
"I. Can't. Breathe"
"Sorry I missed you so much" she apologized with happiness written all over her face.
"You can't help it" I gave her a smug smile as I opened my locker and dumped my textbooks in it
"How'd your holiday go? " She asked and I face-palm myself in my mind.
"You pretty much asked that yesterday, oh and the day before, like almost every time I wake up"
"Oh sorry I forgot" she grabbed my elbow as we walked alongside each other to the homeroom.
"Soo I have something to tell you" she flashed me her white set of teeth and I groaned inwardly knowing that what she is about to say isn't a good thing.
"I think Marcus has a thing for you" She winked at me and I gave her that 'And how is that any of my business look
She pretended not to get the clue as she continued blabbering on and on about how a girls instinct is always right blah blah blah.
Fortunately for me, the bell rang just in time and I made a run for my English class, completely ignoring her whines.
Time rolled by, and it was finally time to go home. As I was packing my books from the locker, I received a text from Becca and of course she told me how mad she was at me for leaving her to fend for shayne's thirst for gossip.
I giggled, with my phone in hands heading towards the parking lot when I heard someone, in particular a guy call my name from behind.
I stopped in my tracks and look back only to see Marcus walking coolly towards me. If shayne hasn't told me that he has a crush on me, I wouldn't be having this strange feeling in my stomach as I took in his face.
To be honest, he has the most handsome face I have ever seen which is of course coupled with a playboy attitude.
"Umm. Are you free on Friday night." he asked shyly, and I nodded in response.
"I was thinking that we could catch up or maybe have dinner?" his face was completely red when he finished talking that I started to wonder whether the rumor about him being a player is true. But nevertheless I turned him down.
"Nope I don't like having dinner outside" I turned around to leave, but he held my hand. I look down to his hand touching mine, and he quietly took it back.
"Can we at least be friends? "
"Nope" I replied completely leaving this time without turning back.
I didn't want to have anything to do with him, not because I hate him or whatever but because I have never changed. I still had fears. Fears that one day he'll dump me just like he had others.