He had been dreading this day for a very long time. Yet, simultaneously, he felt a huge wave of relief that it had come. Since the first day, when he decided to sign the contract, to be in a fake relationship with Dawei, he knew this day would come. He had five years to mentally prepare. Even with the mental preparation, his heart wasn't listening. His eyes teared up a bit.
Looking up at the clock, Duzhi saw it was only 9 pm. Dawei should still be at work. In 20 minutes, he should go down to the car and drive home. Home being this house they both resided in. Although they lived together, they slept in separate rooms.
The seconds ticked slowly. Duzhi's eyes were a bit red as he thought back to his high school days. He saw Dawei on the first day of high school. Duzhi had gotten lost and Dawei was standing there smoking a cigarette behind the high school auditorium. Through the haze of smoke, Dawei called out to the shorty, who had a frightened look on his face.
"Lost?"
Freshman Duzhi nodded.
Dawei smiled amusingly. Then he dropped his cigarette, twisted it under his foot and lead the way. In that moment, life decided to play a terrible joke on Duzhi. His heart felt something akin to idolization for the first time in his life.
Dawei became Duzhi's sunbeam.
Over the years, Dawei grew from a sunbeam into Duzhi's entire son, with the ability to block out everything else in Duzhi's sky.
That's why right now, although Duzhi had known from the very beginning he was never in Dawei's heart, but he still felt pained at the thought of having to return Dawei to Simon.
No, that thought was incorrect. How could he return something that was never his to begin with?
Simon had always had Dawei's heart.
Though other people in Duzhi's situation might be jealous of Simon, but Duzhi didn't feel anything other than gratefulness. If Simon hadn't left to pursue his studies in America, would Duzhi even have a chance to remain so close to Dawei these past five years? No, not Dawei, David.
In fact, the day Simon's parents sent him overseas for university, Dawei was no longer Dawei. He became David.
Life was never smooth sailing with David.
David was verbally abusive, but when Duzhi tried to say something about it, David cut him off stating he wasn't abusive, but straightforward.
In Duzhi's mind, he retorted, "Even straightforward people don't have to use that tone or word choice."
After Simon left, David suffered a heartbreak. He drank, fought, and threw himself into nursing a broken heart. His heart had been torn out of his chest. On one of David's drunken rampages, Duzhi happened to be at the same bar. They ended up in bed together at a random hotel. After that, out of guilt, David took responsibility for Duzhi.
That was how Duzhi and David ended up signing a contract together.
David paid for Duzhi's university tuition and living expenses. They roomed together in a nearby small apartment, off campus.
When Duzhi voiced his opinion that they should stay in the dorms, as it was already covered in their tuition fees, David snorted back, "Why should you care? I'm the one paying."
Duzhi shut up and never discussed finances with David again. Because as someone who had no money and didn't contribute, he had no right to speak up. David's money solely belonged to David. Duzhi had no right to tell David how he should spend it.
Duzhi grew up in a single parent home. His father died while working at a construction site and his mother used the death settlement money to purchase a flat. Because his mother had the foresight to see that real estate would skyrocket in the future, she bought this flat for her son's future. She hoped her son would grow up and raise his family here.
Duzhi's mother worked her fingers to the bone, saving and scrimping, all on the bright hope that Duzhi would marry happily and give her grandchildren.
When Duzhi came out of the closet with David, Duzhi's mother disowned him.
"Come back when you're done playing." Those were the last words she shouted to him from the window.
Now that Duzhi thought about it, even his mother didn't place any hope on his relationship with David. Duzhi cried. The truth hurts. The truth always hurts.
After shedding tears, Duzhi felt lighter. He looked at the time. It was 9:30 pm. David should be home at 10 pm.
Everything was already prepared. Duzhi closed his eyes for a quick nap. As he drifted off to sleep, he wondered how his mother would react when she saw him.
Duzhi woke up with a start. The front door slammed close; the sound still reverberated through the house.
"Welcome home." Duzhi's quietly said, knowing it will be his last time.
David grunted in acknowledgement. Seeing David turn to walk upstairs, Duzhi panickily said, "I'd like to resign."
David turned back to him. His eyes were tired. He had no strength to play with Duzhi today. It wasn't like he didn't have the money to raise him. In fact, he never wanted Duzhi to work. It was Duzhi who insisted.
"Do as you like."
Duzhi smiled, it was easier than he had expected. But now that he thought deeper about it, why would David care? It wasn't like they saw each other at work. In fact, since he started working for Substantial, he had always gone to work separately.
The smile bloomed on Duzhi's face was a genuine smile. It was one he had not shown in a long time.
But David failed to see it, as he had already started walking upstairs.
In the past, David felt ashamed when he woke up in bed with Duzhi. He ran out and left the other person alone. Luckily, he remembered to pay the hotel bill. Maybe because of it, he felt responsible for the other person. But he knew he couldn't love him, so he made him sign a contract.
It could be said, the contract established their relationship and when it should end.
After he finished college, Duzhi followed David to Substantial. David's mother established and owned Substantial. David's family had many sons, so they didn't stay angry for long, after David came out of the closet. That was before David and Duzhi started their relationship. Towards Duzhi, the Xu family only begrudgingly put up with it. No one knew about the contract besides the two who signed it.
Duzhi never thought to reveal the contents of the contract. Nor did he want to expose his shame. He was shameful enough to sign a contract in order to be closer to the person he loved. But he knew, that person never felt the same. To David, Duzhi was just a for-pay-fuck-buddy.
In this world, not having money or status, made one easy to bully.
Duzhi knew this truth since the day he met Simon. Before meeting Simon, Duzhi never compared himself to other people. He was content with his life.
The next day, Duzhi woke up and took the bus to work. He was just a replaceable cog in the company, occupying an easy, but well-paid position. But no matter how well paid Duzhi was, it wasn't enough to pay for a pair of shoes that David wore. The money from this job had been carefully stored away. Since the day he started his contractual obligations with David, the latter issued him a credit card. With the card, Duzhi used it to buy everything he needed to play the role of David's boyfriend well. As the boyfriend of a rich man, how could he go around wearing generic low branded clothes?
As for the money Duzhi made, it was saved and never touched. At first Duzhi felt bad about it, but later, he considered the money to be his breakup compensation. Duzhi decided to save this money for his mother's retirement.
On the bus, Duzhi was surprised to find himself humming an upbeat pop song.
At work, he turned in his resignation letter, informing his supervisor that today would be his last day. His supervisor leaned forward and whispered, "does your boyfriend know?"
Duzhi smiled and then nodded.
With the affirmation, his supervisor felt at ease. "Resignation accepted."
Since it was his last day, the overly polite coworkers, who were really more like strangers warmly insisted on taking Duzhi out to eat on his last day. Duzhi, with equal politeness, refused them. Since he said no, they didn't dare to press him. They only inwardly prayed he wouldn't badmouth them to his bed partner.
At the close of business, Duzhi handed off all of his work, cleared his workstation, throwing all his personal effects into the trashcan.
His day had been going smoothly. And just as Duzhi thought of that, he had the unfortunate luck to run into the youngest master of the Xu family.
Duzhi hated this younger brother of Dawei, but because he was in a relationship with the older brother, he had to put up with him. It was this younger brother who had revealed his relationship with David at Substantial. Luckily, the true culprit was revealed, otherwise, Duzhi would have to spend half his life working to pay back Dawei for breaching the terms of their contract.
Although Duzhi wanted to beat up this shithead, he decided to leave quietly. Walking pass youngest master Xu, Duzhi didn't bother to greet him. Feeling slighted, youngest master Xu ran backwards and blocked Duzhi's path.
"What, didn't you see me?"
"Get out of my way," Duzhi said.
"What did you say? You have the guts to say that again?"
"I said get out of my way."
By now, the surrounding people all stopped to watch the scene. The security guards patrolling the front of the building came forward, but did not intervene. These were two big bosses. Their little lives didn't dare to get involved.
The youngest master laughed. "You sure have guts today. Let's see if you have any more guts when I tell my brother."
"Go ahead," Duzhi urged. "Oh, and you should also tell him that I've always detested a brat like you."
Stunned by Duzhi's words, youngest master Xu stood rooted in place, unsure on how to react.
With the weight off his chest, Duzhi hailed a cab and left. He had put up with that shithead for far too long.
Inside the house, Duzhi felt better. The night before, everything was suspended, but not that he was actively carrying out his breakup cleanup, Duzhi felt great. As he cleaned up the mess he had made 5 years ago, yes, his relationship with David should be described as a mess, Duzhi hummed to himself. Since he moved here, he had never felt this free before.
Looking up at the clock, Duzhi knew David should be at the airport picking up Simon.
Duzhi did one last tour of the house to ensure that he had removed all traces of himself. He and Dawei moved in here since they started college and after 5 years, a lot of things have piled up. When he was absolutely certain everything of him was gone, he breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't' want Simon to see anything of his and feel awkward.
His task completed, Duzhi grabbed his copy of the contract and flipped to the last page. He read the last provision one last time, to ensure he was following the contract correctly.
[Upon the permanent return of Simon Yang, Party A and Party B agree to split up and thus end their contractual obligations as stated in items 1 through 48 of this contract.]
Once, Simon had returned. That was the first and only time Duzhi had met him. Simon Yang was a prodigy, a delicate prodigy. Even when Duzhi met him, he couldn't help but like the warm-hearted Simon. That's why, he held no anger or contempt for the other person. In fact, he wished him well with David. But no one knew better than Duzhi that within the depths of his heart, he was jealous of such a perfect Simon Yang.
Feeling the sting in his eyes, Duzhi shook the depressing thoughts from his mind. He quickly picked up his suitcase and dragged it outside. Downstairs, he placed his house key into the mailbox. The credit card was on Duzhi's bedroom nightstand.
Duzhi hailed a cab and headed towards the poorer section of the city.
He was going home. On the ride home, he simply thought this is too surreal. But it was reality and there was no turning back now.
Knock! Knock!
Duzhi's mother opened the door. Shock froze her and she couldn't react for a moment. It had been a little over 5 years since she last saw her son. On that day, they had parted on extremely bad terms. She remembered beating him for the first time in her life. After her son left, the sharp anger turned into dull pain. She regretted her actions. It didn't matter if her son was gay. As long as he was happy, that was all that mattered to her.
"Mom."
Mother Nie smiled through her tears. Nodding her head, she herded him into the house. The mother and son pair hugged each other and cried for a long time.
"Where is he?" she asked.
Duzhi didn't answer her question directly. Instead, he simply stated, "I'm done playing."
With that, Mother Nie didn't inquire anymore.
Duzhi settled back into his old room. The furniture was well worn, but nostalgic.
A loud creak sounded when Duzhi sat down on the edge of his bed. He sat rigidly before pulling out his cell phone. He texted David.
[Thank you for all you have done.]
[I wish you the best.]
[Farewell.]
David was out celebrating Simon's return, at a rowdy night club. He did not hear the 3 phone chimes, alerting him to the fact that he had messages.
Early the next morning, David woke up and reached out to Duzhi. But he only caught empty air. Did he sleep in his own room last night? In the past few months, Duzhi had been sleeping with David more often and maybe he had gotten used to waking up with him.
Looking at the time on the digital clock by his bedside, David realized he had slept in. Maybe Duzhi was downstairs making breakfast. David lolled around in bed for a while longer before dragging himself out. When he saw Simon and Simon's boyfriend last night, he thought he would be upset. Yet, as the night wore on, he didn't seem to feel anything. Maybe his heart no longer held that person within it.
Downstairs, it was just as silent and empty as the bedroom.
David went back upstairs to find his phone. After reading Duzhi's messages, he dropped his phone. A loud thud reverberated in his ears. When he recovered, he picked up his phone and dialed Duzhi.
[The number you have dialed is no longer in service.]
Duzhi worked quite fast. He had already changed his number. David knew he was shameless. He had forcibly taken Duzhi's first time when he was drunk. Then, he used a contract to bind the other person to his side. Right, the terms of the contract were up when Simon came back yesterday.
How could he forget?
He should call up Duzhi and tell him he was willing to write up another contract with him. That's right. Duzhi was easy to deal with. He was someone who always followed the contractual obligations. He was sure he could get him back. They could just go back to the way things were with an indefinite relationship contract, this time, with no end clause.
In bed the first night home, Duzhi reached out to emptiness, and the thought of being alone, caused him to realize—it was over. The realization hit him hard.
His eyes were swollen the next day, but Mother Nie didn't mention it. Instead, she asked her son what his plans were for the future. In the past, Duzhi didn't have to plan. When he graduated from high school, his mother had already planned for him to go to college. Once he was in a relationship with David, every choice was made by the latter. Now that he was faced with a question, involving his own choice, Duzhi was a bit dazed.
Thinking it over, he said, he would look for a job first.
Duzhi spent the next few days, keeping himself busy. He brushed up his resume and applied to several nearby jobs. Then he created new social media accounts. He met new neighbors and joined in their digital online circle. In this way, he opened himself up to a new set of friends, ones with similar background.
David was also busy. He knew where Duzhi's mother lived. And he could go there at any time, but he was too proud to contact Duzhi directly, so he ended up finding a lawyer to send a contract over to Duzhi. He smiled as he thought Duzhi would return to him soon.
When Duzhi opened the door to find a well-dressed stranger, he thought the person had come to the wrong door. Once the man asked to see Nie Duzhi, he knew the man was looking for him.
After Duzhi heard what the lawyer had to say, he laughed so hard, he didn't know what he should do. Back then, when he had made up his mind to leave, he had already thought of never returning. He felt he had wasted 5 years of his life being Simon's stand-in. Wasn't that enough?
And why was David looking to renew the contract?
It must be because David couldn't obtain Simon and that's why he was doing this.
Duzhi didn't need to confirm his conjecture. He just felt sick. Duzhi politely asked the lawyer to leave, but he gave him an appointment to give to David.
When David received the message, he thought Duzhi wanted to discuss things and get back together. So, he threw the issue to the back of his mind and just waited to meet up with Duzhi.
Duzhi's first day of work reminded him of his first day of work at David's family's company. Substantial was a huge media company. David's father was a well-known politician. His wife was a lawyer, who quit after marriage. Instead, she opened up Substantial.
David's eldest brother worked as a military leader. David's second eldest brother followed in his father's footsteps; he was the current mayor of a township where they lived. David's third brother followed in his mother's previous footsteps. He was a renowned lawyer. As for David, he wanted to be a business mogul, like his mother currently was.
As for the shithead youngest brother, needless to say, Duzhi couldn't forget him. David was the favorite, despite not being the youngest. And often times, Duzhi felt David's younger brother was disliked by their mother, but he knew no parent would actually hate their own child.
The reason why Duzhi hated David's younger brother was because a week after Duzhi started work, rumors spread like wildfire through the company Although Duzhi worked hard to follow the contract and not let anyone know he was David's lover, but somehow everyone knew. At work, the friendly people became frighteningly overpolite, to the point of making Duzhi feel creeped out. The once warm atmosphere turned awkward, under the guise of professionalism. No one dared to joke with Duzhi, and Duzhi was ostracized because of his relationship to David.
At home, he met David's angry accusations.
"You couldn't wait for everyone to know. I thought you were. . . forget it. Just remember the contract. Since you violated one of the provisions, you now owe me a million dollars."
Duzhi felt suffocated. Even the words of denial he had prepared were tightly lodged in his throat. Duzhi went back to his room and cried. At that point in his life, he felt he was under a raincloud.
Once, Duzhi thought the contract would bring him closer to David. But not long after this event, he learned his dreams were futile.
Had he never received hope to begin with, he wouldn't feel so dejected now. It's true, the higher one hopes, the lower one falls into dejection. Reality knew how to precisely carve up the last bits of Duzhi's hope.
Now that he was in new surroundings, Duzhi knew he could finally have a shot at the normal life he always yearned for. And to Duzhi's expectations, work life was randomly boring, but normal. There were annoying things at work, but after work, Duzhi would go out and vent with his coworkers. It was like a complaint ritual to rinse away all the stuffiness in his heart, among his fellow sufferers.
Then the following day, they would go to work, refreshed and ready to face any new unexpectedness, thrown their way.
People at work said Duzhi was flexible. Duzhi just felt he was lucky to live a normal life, outside of David.
Yes, Duzhi was joyous over the fact that he was finally living the life he chose. No longer living a life related to that person. No longer living a life solely to please that person's every whim.
To be the master of his own life—it was his first taste of freedom.
This is why, even when he was under pressure at work, Duzhi would still have a smile on his face.
On days when he didn't stay late after work, or on days when he was off, he would take his mother out for a round of shopping. Mother Nie liked to take her son out and show him off.
All the grocery stalls they shopped at, knew Duzhi was a filial son, who came home to accompany his mother.
Duzhi went to the restaurant he had told David to meet him at. When he arrived, David was already there in a private room. Duzhi had chosen a busy restaurant, just so that David wouldn't make a scene. When Duzhi entered the room, he was surprised to see David, Simon, and a few of David's other friends. There was even a stranger there, who had one arm around Simon's shoulders. With just a look, Duzhi could tell these two were in a relationship.
David sat lazily with his arm around an empty chair. Scanning the table, Duzhi saw that there were no other empty chairs.
Duzhi could only approach the empty chair and ask David to move his arm. David didn't know why he had to move his arm. David had always been dense like this. He always thought the world evolved around him.
"Not moving," David said. He didn't feel there was anything wrong with his statement.
Duzhi rolled his eyes. His little action was caught by everyone at the table.
"Fine."
Duzhi went outside and just like that, before greeting anyone or sitting down, he had already left.
David waited thinking Duzhi would come back, but after a long 20 minutes, no one came back. David went out with the excuse that he was using the bathroom, but after a long tour of the facilities, he came back with a crestfallen face.
Duzhi left just like that!
Of course, David pretended it wasn't a big deal. He ate with his friends. Outwardly, he was smiling, but inside he was seething.
David went to find Duzhi that evening. When Duzhi opened the door and saw it was David, he turned to tell his mom he was heading downstairs for a few minutes. Then he closed the door and walked downstairs.
David followed closely behind him.
Before Duzhi could open his mouth, David beat him to it.
"Duzhi, are you angry because of my younger brother? I can have him apologize."
"Mr. Xu, please refer to me as Mr. Nie. And it's not just your younger brother that I can't stand. It's everything and everyone to do with you. Mr. Xu, our contract ended. I don't want to sign another contract. And I definitely don't want to see you again."
David was flustered. He never thought Duzhi could be angry at him. This tantrum had gone on long enough.
"Duzhi, don't take a mile just because I've given you an inch. Come home with me now."
Duzhi laughed coldly. David had never seen him like this before.
"Mr. Xu, please stop coming to find me. There are laws protecting me from harassment."
With this, Duzhi went back upstairs. He didn't want to waste any more time on this idiot. Why was it that he had once loved this fool? He must have been blinded by love.
"Duzhi you stop for me this instant." David's voice was shrill with anger, but Duzhi didn't heed him.
"Duzhi, you'll regret this!"
But there was no response from Duzhi.
David went home and singled out his younger brother. He was sure, it was this brat who had angered Duzhi. Duzhi had a very demure personality. Since young, he was weak hearted and agreeable. He wouldn't have acted the way he did unless someone really pushed his bottom line.
And through their 5 years together, it was always this brat who made Duzhi upset. Counting up the number of times when Duzhi would cry or give David the silent treatment, it was always because of this brat.
A few days later, Duzhi saw youngest master Xu waiting for him downstairs. Duzhi couldn't be bothered with this troublemaker.
"I'm sorry," youngest master Xu mumbled as Duzhi walked right by him.
He thought Duzhi's soft heart would forgive him and he could go home in peace. Unfortunately, he had overestimated himself. When you commit mistakes towards others and continue to make them, a thing called resentment builds up inside of the other person. Eventually, that resentment reaches a point where there is no turning back from.
Duzhi will never forgive this brat who always caused problems for him. He didn't need to give him any face.
"Duzhi, Duzhi." The younger man shouted.
Duzhi turned around and slapped him. "Is my name for a bastard to call out casually?"
In the past, this brat had beaten Duzhi, this was just him returning a bit of the favor.
As to why Duzhi called him a bastard, it had to do with the fact that the youngest brother of the Xu family was birthed by a mistress. David's father brought the child back to be raised after the mistress died. This is why the others in the family had never cared too deeply for this youngest brother.
Duzhi would have never known this. It was by chance that he overheard David's friends ridiculing David about it. Yes, David's good friends ridiculed him for having a bastard child come home to live with the legitimate heirs.
It explained a lot to Duzhi. However, Duzhi never looked down on this young man. But how did the other person repay him? With malice, trouble and vicious words.
Duzhi was tired of playing games.
"Don't ever show up in front of me again."
At work, Duzhi felt relaxed, no longer caring about the matters of the Xu family. He just happily passed through the day. At home, he ate a scrumptious dinner made by his mom. From the day he found a job, he wouldn't let his mother work anymore.
At first mother Nie kicked up a fuss, but when Duzhi showed his mother his savings, she eventually agreed. Her son was really good. Mother Nie was happy at her son's change. It had been difficult these past few years. She was always missing her son, not knowing when he would return. Then just like that, he came home. An unexpected surprise, warming her heart and making her glad.
The next few days, on his way home from work, Duzhi saw a familiar figure stumbling around on the streets. His face was bruised, but still recognizable.
Duzhi approached him and smelled the stench. Youngest master Xu didn't appear to have taken a shower recently.
"Go home," Duzhi told him from a distance.
The younger man ignored him. He just looked around and found a covered eave. Squatting down, the young man huddled into a ball and leaned his back against the cold brick wall.
Fine! He could do as he pleased.
Duzhi went inside. Later, in the evening, Duzhi looked outside the window. From his vantage point, he could see that brat huddled like a ball.
Dammit, he couldn't help himself and went downstairs.
A pair of shoes appeared in front of him. The little ball looked up.
"Go home," Duzhi told him.
Having born a bunch of grievances, the younger man said, "You don't think that I want to? Everybody wants to find a place called home, but my home was destroyed the day my mom died."
Holding the younger man by the back of the collar, Duzhi pulled him upwards and dragged him into his house. Frankly speaking, the younger fellow didn't fight back because he was weak from hunger and his legs were numb.
Duzhi scolded himself for being a soft-hearted person. He had always found this brat annoyingly hateful, but he never regarded the young in front of him as his enemy.
Upstairs, Mother Nie looked at Duzhi with a questioning look. "Duzhi, this is?"
"Yu Mingye," the younger man replied.
"Is he your . . .?"
"He's just a little kid I know," Duzhi replied, cutting off his mother's words. He didn't' want his mother to think incredibly disgusting things. Between him and this brat, it would never happen.
Yu Mingye stayed with them, sleeping on the floor in Duzhi's bedroom.
"Hey, you can't just freeload," Duzhi told him.
"Okay," Yu Mingye said.
He ended up going to work in a café. It wasn't like his father didn't come to find him, but Yu Mingye didn't want to go back. Why go back to a place where he was unwanted.
Mother Nie thought Yu Mingye was an adorable child who needed a mother's touch. She took good care of him. She fussed over Yu Mingye like he was her other son.
"Do you like being here?" Duzhi asked Yu Mingye.
"Yeah," the brat shyly said.
Based on his expression, Duzhi could tell he was serious.
And maybe because of how they got along, Duzhi ended up buying a bunk bed to install into his bedroom.
David had always carried his pride wherever he went. When he heard his illegitimate brother moved in with Duzhi, he laughed.
He was sure that brat would outstay his welcome soon.
One day, Yu Mingye came home to find Mother Nie and Duzhi sitting at the dining room table.
Mother Nie started, "I have a friend, who has a daughter about your age."
Duzhi, finished the conversation with, "You're not like me; you can start a family."
In the end, he felt wronged. Torn between laughter and tears, just why did everyone think he was straight?
"Actually, I don't want to reject your good intentions, but I'm gay."
"Oh," both mother and say replied. Then they put the matter behind them.